pone en

ihe ae eens erent ar ae ee ae hall re ean me

raert TC saderatea? awa vahenes? -

"7

C6 - Sunday News, September 27, 1981

QUESTION: Fm_ feeling very confused and hope-you can give me a clear answer.

You have often ‘said, “Don't have expectations of others.” Isn't. trust: built on expectations?

I have often felt that trust is something earned earned by being dependable. (Or, in other words, living up to expectations).

I have been deeply hurt by someone I love and have lost all trust In him. If a good relationship equals trust and

trust equals expectations fulfilled, how do you rebuild

when trast fs gone? How do —

you have trust | without

a cxpecrations?

Sounds very complicated

but I hope you understand .

what I'm trying to ask.

STEWART: I believe you are referring to a phrase in the Love Principles, which, correctly quoted, urges all of us to “have no SPECIFIC expectations (of others or of ourselves) “but rather, abundant expectancy.” Trust is readily built on “abundant expectancy,” but it tends not to thrive on “specific expectations.” That is, trust, and love too, are far more likely to blossom within people who have abundant expectancy and ‘are, therefore, people with positive, hopeful and op-

timistic attitudes. However, when that. abundant ex- pectancy becomes, instead, an attitude that says you must do and be what I specifically expect of you or I will be unwilling to trust and love you, then it becomes something rather close to control, rather than trust, and emotional black- mail rather than love.

You say, “I have been deeply hurt by someone I love and have lost all trust in him.” May I suggest that if you were telling it like it is you might rather say, “I am hurting myself because I find it difficult to love and trust someone who does not meet

ask hayden stewart

QUESTION: In the midst of a fuss with my 14 year old son, he told me, heatedly, that he and his brother and sister are all “driven nuts” by their mother and father saying, so often, “we were always taught.....”

’ Darn it all, I think we were taught pretty well. How can three young kids claim to be driven nuts by our sharing with them what we know to be a pretty good way of life?

STEWART: That “pretty good way of life” needs to be shared with kids in the here and now with fun and joy. You see, to them, whatever

“

our

children well

‘you “were always taught,” comes tottering out of the olden days. What you were taught back before the Flood is not important to them.

What you LEARNED (way back in history) and are now able to share with them as a way that is working for

‘you, can be very helpful to them (even if they don't seem to accept it). However it is. more than likely they will reject it out of hand if you stress that it is “something you were always taught.” They are really not interested in what they see as a pet theory resurrected out of the dim past.

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STUDIO ....Fingernails long & elegant in one

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I've been biting my nails for about 20 years (I'm only 21), and | just haven't been able to kick the habit. ['ve tried false stick-on nails, bad-tasting lotions and creams, band-aids —

but nothing worked .

until now!

The process at NAILS 'N LASHES is simple and relaxing. It

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-624. for appointments for individual. family or group counselling.

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my specific expectations,

and I feel ashamed and:

scared.”

No one “earns” my love or trust by being “dependable.” If that were so, my love or trust would be watered down to something conditional. 1 would be saying, if you meet my conditions, then you will have earned my lave and trust. If you don’t meet my specific expectations, then I withdraw my love and trust.”

Do you love the man or don’t you? If you want to love him, receive him as he is. No deals. Love is not based on IF YOU.... THEN I. Trust who he IS and save yourself the heavy burden of ‘trying’ to trust him despite his performance. “Have no specific expectations, but rather, abundant ex- pectancy” — and trust, and love. It is the specific ex- pectation that screws up relationships.

Why not choose abundant expectancy and let your specific expectations have a rest from hurting you?

2.99 LB. 1.99 LB. 3.99 LB. 2.95 LB. 2.49 LB. 5.95 LB. 99¢ LB.

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takes about two hours and there's no pain. First the technician puts forms on your fingers to shape new nails, and adds a li- quid and a powder The excitement mounts as cach naj) takes shape and fingers become almost pretty ~~

The first hand is finished — I'm part lady' (I keep checking my arm to make sure it's really my hand at the end).

The second hand ts compieted and the aails look rcal! They're my hands, but | can't believe 1 To top it off. they ash

ME_ yes ME. someone who has never had nails in her life. what colour nail polish | want

Well 10 minutes later had a hand transplant and shape

its all finished and I'm sure [ just My stubby little hands have beauty

They tell me te try and bite my acw nath but 1 cant even think of putiiag my hands in my mouth Never again’

The nails are pertipancot and just great for anyone whe has split broken chewed and unsightly fingernails worry about washing dishes typing of would usually cause broken nails

And dont any activities thal Iheac cant break cantly

As this miracie was being performed on me another ‘Lady was heving hor nail filled in She contessed to me that she s been coming to Nails N Lashes for 2°o year and no one not cven her husband knows that ber fingernasts are aot her very own The ncw nails ‘grow with your cogular nails and can be

ARTIST AT WORK might be the caption for this picture Nails ‘N Lashes studio at 1124 Lonsdale. concentrating on making thelr customer's nails shapely. strong — and beautiful

manicured, after three or four weeks of this ‘growth’ it is advis- ed that one returns for the fill1n. This is a reshaping and ap- plying of the chemical to the back side of your fingernails thus returning your hand to its magnificent clegance and pro- moting further uninterrupted growth of your natural nail

I found the studio tasteful and an oasis of comfort |

couldn't have spent a more relaxing Couple of hours A special

thank you to (the panent technician responsible for transformation

my Nails (N Lashes studio a open Monday to Saturday and evening appotntmneats can be arranged Bor your appointment call O&” 99045 CRobson A Bute 200 ONS Oak & 4480) 980 S79" (North Shore) aad capencace your own transformation PS PT recommend you have someone drive you home l

almost had an accident going through a rod Light) | was look tng at my hands

ADVI

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