Sunday, December 14, 1997 — North Shore News - 14,

maibex

Keep cops on the crime beat

Dear Editor:

brave ne

By John Moore Contributing Writer

OVERHEARD in the supermarket recently: “I can’t believe you killed it!”’... “I what?”... - “You let it die!”... “Ir was an accident! I did- n’t mean to!”... “You didn’t take care of it!”... “I did my best!”... “No, you never loved it the way I did!”

Genuine _ recriminations, accompanied by sniffles, if not public tears, raised « oices and flushed faces.

: Of course, you've figured out that they were not talking about a goldfish or hamster. They were discussing the worldwide fad, the Pet Rock of the 90s, the Tamagotchi Egg — or one of the prolifer- ating clones of this “virtual pet’ even “virtual babies,” cing heavily promoted as Christmas presents this year.

You may also have twigged -

that the people having this spat were not kids, whose schools have had to ban the distracting gizmos outright, but a grown man and woman. OK, maybe their eyebrows were 2 little too close to their hairlines,- but adults nonethe- less — legally able to vore, - drive cars, own firearms and reproduce. . While The Egg and its spawn are no doubt destined to wind up in the Verchewul Pet Sematary, joining the ‘Hula-Hoop, Rubik’s Cube, Cabbage Patch Dolls and Tickte-Me Elmo in that special circle. of. Hell .reserved for hoarders' of “collectibles,” the above argument made me " "pause and reflect that we could fe in danger of tossing out the omelette with the eggshells when it does. - After all, the secret of the virtual pet’s popularity is that it

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is electronic and interactive and we live in a culture whose essential medium consists increasingly of interactive elec- tronics.

The current crop of dema- gogues, political, spiritual and late night infomercial power- of-positive thinkers use clec-

“Surely we can be electronically conditioned to

take care of each other and . the planet.”

tronic media like antique snake oil pitchmen, trying to convince and persuade us to act in the best interests of our- selves and our loved ones for reasons; 2 notion as obsolete as sermons, philosophies and psychoanalysis.

The significant fact is that human beings now respond predictably to interactive clec-

tronic logic because we have~

no choice if we want to access the immensely valuable pow- ers of the computer.

So why not = apply Tamagotchi Logic to the whole grim canon of moral and spiritual dilemmas that have plagued us for centuries?

Gender wars?

world

Forget the suspiciously androgynous John Gray and his quasi-mythical bogosities about men and women being from different planets — let's have the Tamagotchi Marriage.

I den’t mean just a “day- timer” wristwatch to warn you of birthdays and anniversaries, but a fully programmed inter- active silicon marriage coun- sellor on call 24 hours a day from your first date to your golden — anniversary, — pro- grammed to require men to bring home flowers for no rea- son, give her a back rub, cook dinner or arrange babysitters and reservations.

The female version would bleep when it’s time to dig deeper into the lingerie draw- er, bring home flowers for no reason or do housework in the nude,

War? Famine? Pestilence? Eco-crisis?

Why not create — the Tamagotchi Planet: a world in which every human being is equipped with a programmed electronic “minder” that bleeps, reminding us to car- pool or ride public transit, save the whales, the seals, the salmon, the old-growth forests, starving childreA in Slobovia, to wear our bike hel- mets and condoms, to be kind and tolerant to people of other races, creed and colors, to hug our kids and parents and grandparents, to tell our friends how much we love them, to quit jobs that make us unhappy and destroy the planet or contribute nothing to its salvation or ours?

If we can willingly program ourselves to nurture a virtual pet or virtual child, surely we can be electronically condi- tioned to take care of cach other and the planet.

That little electronic egg could hatch a whole Brave New World.

Oops, gotta go. Time to walk the bleeping dog.

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Re: Speeding Fine Increases — the real problem! The major thrust of opposition to increases in speeding fines seems to be “against the attempt

by the province to increase revenue.”

If the police fall into the wap of spending time to maximize revenue from traffic fines, they

ssill be taken away from their real purpose which is “to combat crime in our community.”

We should strongly oppose the use of police for other purposes.

Laurence R. Moxon West Vancouver

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