ve _when parenting.

24 — Wednesday, November 19, 1997 — North Shore News

Getting kids to bed on time,

GOLAN Matkin works as a family counselor in - North Vancouver with who are twelve and ‘under,

‘He gives parenting semi- nars in the Greater Vancouver area, specializing in teaching anger manage-

‘ment skills. He has aah ons a _ unique. approach to parent- aay A Blueprint for * Parenting. “He teaches dialogue, tac-

‘~, ties and techniques to par-

"ents to help them establish integrity. and gain self-esteem

; Starting wii ‘this column he will be writing an interac- tive parenting column in the - North Skore News, “You can write him with

your nting concerns and t will show you how you

“may address the issues you

_Taise.

: "Please include in your let- . ter.an example of a ‘that concerns, tes OF

confuses you. He will sug- gest to you dialogues, tactics -and techniques to help you address your parenting anxi- “e

think that I give | to my family, and yet sometimes I get so angry. that nobody “ever fe oF ach me back. A ouple. of nights ago my ten- ” year-old ‘wouldn’t go to bed. told him about six times ‘and it kept’ getting later and ter. Finally i blew my tack! He eventually went to d:-but then after thar, I felt uty. 4 Do you think that I was wrong to get angry? Arthur :

Arthur, parents get angry ‘when they cel offended. How’ was your child offend-

::, _ It could be that you are ‘» using this incident to avoid

“>: \ another incident which

transgressed an agreement. You could apologize to your ~: child for blasting him. "._. Tonight you should be proactive, and announce the count down. . If bedtime is 10 p.m., you should begin the count ‘down at 9 p.m.. “It’s 9 p.m, I hope your “homework is finished. “It’s 9:15, now could you get your snack. “It’s 9:30, it’s time to do your bathroom duties. . “It’s 9:45, pajamas and a ’_~ short story. ~ “10 p.m. Lights out!”

'. Dear Golan:

My teenage daughter wants to go out with boys and has been asking about birth control.

Frankly, I am very scared ‘and Tj just don’t trust her.

How do tell her that I don’t trust her?

Corinne

Dear Corinne: - You say: “Susanne, I

“regret that I don’t trust you.

lemma .

‘where one child is exhibiting

every time

1139-Lonsdale Ave., North Vancouver. B.C. V7M 2H4. Or fax them to 985-2104.

tions. Please address all letters te Golan Malkin, c/o North Shore News Editorial Dept.,

future. The letters above are com- mon scenarios encountered in

family counselling. They are fieticious but Golan Malkin is

T would like to trust you but available to answer your ques-

I don’t.”

Trust is based upon vali- dation. Mistrust is based on loss and fear of loss.

You should ask yourself, “How has the trust been lost, and how could I re- establish contact with my child?”

If you have lost contact with your child then you should fearn how to get it back. If you would write and teli me more about your relationship then I could give you a few suggestions about how you could re- establish your trust.

I am wondering if this is the first time that your daughter has asked you to talk about sex and the com-

lications that could arise

m being intimate.

You should say, “Let’s do something together some day and talk about what we could do about this mis- trust.”

Then you should validate her. Talk about an area of strength in your relationship. Now you could ask her, “Could we do something enjoyable together?”

Dear Golan:

’ [have two children aged seven and four. The older one often takes toys rom the younger one. I am never sure how to handle it and I always wonder if I can do something different.

The older one just keeps taking the toys. The younger one seems hurt but she seems to hide her feelings.

What should I do?

becca

IF YOU GOT A CAR FREE, WOULD YOU CARE ABOUT THE

MAKE OR MODEL?

according to a

product features '*" |

that prevent ~~

auto theft.

ICBC has

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a booklet detail-

ing this rating: system and a “Best Rated” | sticker you'll now find on |: , anti-theft device packaging..

If you would like a copy ~

of this booklet simply pick one up from any participating © retailer, your local ICBC office, _ Autoplian broker or visit ICBC’'s. . website at www.icbc.com.. And maybe before you park your car today or tonight, you might want to check out the latest in anti-theft devices.

All car thieves have one ting in common. They‘’re lazy. It isn’t always expensive cars they steal, just easy ones. And that’s because thieves want a quick entry and a smooth getaway.

So it would be in your best interest, whether you Ccrive a sporty import or a family mini- van, to get yourself an anti-theft device. But where to begin?

ICBC, as part of their Lock Out Auto Crime program, has developed a rating system for anti-theft devices. Devices you'll find at participating retailers. They are rated

Dear. Rebecca:

You need a few rules about toys.. @ Each “hild has one favorite toy for the da ay/week. It does not get share Mi All the rest of the toys are shared. @ When one child has a toy the other must ask to play with it. He must not-grab it. @ When a child grabs a toy, the offended child will say; “This is my toy. Give it back!”

You have a situation

Lock Out Auto Crime.

gfead q

aggression. Every one needs aggression to survive. Unfortunately, at the expense of one child’s anger

. the other child experiences

sorrow. If you could teach them to negotiate now, you will save yourself Briefi in the

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