Who loves a goose?

B:: are back in the news. Specifically, the Canada geese in Stanley Park.

A consulting firm suggests stealing their eggs, hard- boiling them, and slipping them back in the nest so poor Mother Goose won't know they’re not going to hatch un- til the mating season is over and it’s tco late to go out and get goosed again.

‘The parks commissioners _of course are afraid they'll all ‘get thrown out en masse by an enraged electorate if they let such a, well, hard-boiled scheme go ahead.

The Canada geese in Staniey Park are the closest thing to a West Coast sacred cow, droppings. notwith- standing. A foul fowl by most standards, in places like ~ Britain, especially along the ‘. River Thames, Canada geese are regarded as vermin. A pair was brought to some- body’s manor around the * turn of the century and they’ _ have since taken over whole

‘sections of the river around Oxford. and Henley-on-

Arnold

THE MAN charged :in‘con- nection with a shooting inci- dent in .North Vancouver December 27 appeared: in provincial court for the first . day of a preliminary hearing Friday.

John Gordon Arnold faces nine charges including one count. of attempted murder, two counis of poin-

ting a: firearm at ‘another

Thames, chasing away more

graceful species like swans. What, i ask you, is the

aesthetic value of a great

honking Canada goose? It’s .

like having some spoiled brat with a horn running around pooping on your lawn,

Geese fall into the same category as crows and starl- ings, if you ask me. That is, about the only good use for them is as pie or down for a pillow or an alternative to turkey on Thanksgiving.

In Vancouver, for in- stance, in addition to the megagaggle of geese around Lost Lagoon, there are some four million starlings and between six and seven thou- sand crows. An unfortunate side-effect of the arrival of these species in our midst is that the songbirds are generally driven out.

Such delightful specimens as gold finches, song spar- rows, warblers, kingfishers, sora and blue-winged teal are

hearing person, one count of using a firearm in a careless manner, one count of assault with a knife, one count of discharg- ing a'firearm with intent to endanger fife, one count of using a firearm for a pur- pose dangerous to the public peace, one count of posses- sion of a prohibited weapon and ‘one count. of assault with, ‘a weapon.

all forced to flee when the gangs of crows and starlings descend, much as the swans

along the Thames are chased

away by Canada geese.

Ah, yes, by their attitudes toward our feathered friends ye shall know them! I admit to having ornithological biases. Among my favorite birds are the blue heron and the bald eagle, and it irritates me no end to see a poor eagle being harrassed by crows, rather in the manner of muggers.

But my very favorite form of bird life is the glorious, magnificent, heroic chicken.

In fact, if somebody asks me what is the difference bet- ween West Vancouver and North Vancouver, 1 will quickly tel! them that the single most distinct factor is West Van's enlightened at- titude toward chickens, whereas, North Van forbids the raising of the noble bird by residents, thereby reveal- ing itself as being insular, anti-ecological, mean- spirited and obviously ig- norant of the pricelessness of

begins

A ban-on publication of evidence - arising from the case was imposed at Gor- don’s first court appearance in January.

The preliminary hearing was not expected to be com- pleted in: one day of testi- mony, however, no followup

dates had been set to

presstime.

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atruly golden yolk brighten- ing one's day.

It is not just that chicken droppings, properly col- lected, make some of the finest tertilizer in the world, or that leftovers from one's plate may be recycled with awesome perfection down at the coop, or that the eggshells themselves are a welcome in- gredient in one’s garden, or that a (resh egg is God’s reai gift to humanity, or that chicken flesh itself, cooked in ten thousand different ways, makes life worth fiving, or even that, by studying the behavious of one's chickens one may grasp significant in- sights into the workings of Parliament and the civil ser- vice alike, more to the point,

raising chickens is like learn- ~

ing Zen.

In the process of cleaning the chicken coop, one comes to understand the place of humility in the scheme of things. Whilst plucking the eggs from their nests, one becomes philosophical about the exercise of power. In con- templating the cost of chicken feed and learning to measure it against the price of eggs at the supermarket, one develops an under- standing of economics that surpasses the works of Adam Smith, Marx, Keynes and perhaps even Michael Walker.

And then, of course, in the distinct cry of the hen who

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layeth the egg the discerning car not capture the sound of Creation itself? Pawk pawk PAWK!

{n short, raising chickens is

a religious experience. By contrast, slipping on goose ‘guano around Lost Lagoon is like a scene out of Paradise

Lost. Boil their eggs, 1 say!

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