44 -— Wednesday, March 18, 1992 -

North Shore News

LIFESTYLES

Not comfortable with ‘other woman’ role

Q. IT IS not easy for a woman in her early 50s to find sexual partners. Please keep in mind when you advise me

on how to handle this problem.

EI have been seeing a married man for the past six months. This is my first involvement with someone else's husband, and I am not entirely comfortable with my tole. Sometimes [ fee! like I am the one cheating his wife of sexual pleasure.

Is it possible for a man in his 50s to keep up with the sexual needs of a wife and a lover? If he isn’t able to keep her satisfied ‘oo, then I wonder if I should give him up. What do you think?

A. I think you wouldn’t be writing to me for advice if you didn’t want someone to tell you to give him up! 7 can’t say exactly that, because you have to make up your own mind. But if you are a regular reader of this column you know I do not advocate ex- tramarital sex.

Yes, some men in their 50s can keep both a wife and a lover satisfied, especially if one or both women isn’t a very sexually de- manding person.

I can’t tell you if this man is able to keep his wife happy in bed while he’s: having an affair with you. I suspect the real issue is not whether or not he can satisfy you both, but whether or not you can handle the guilt of having the af- fair.

Q. My husband has recently discovered the sex self-help section of our local bookstore. He is con- vinced he cen solve my ‘‘orgasm problem’’ with the right book. I rayely have an orgasm, but I don’t care that much if F do or not.

In 10 years of marriage, he hasn’t been- overly concerned ei- ther until now. His interest in giv- . ing me an orgasm has created 2 bigger problem for me than not

Dr. Ruth Westheimer

ASK DR. RUTH

being able to have them often.

I feel like a lab experiment. I would rather never have an orgasm for the rest of my life than contiaue to submit myself to his efforts to give me one. This is putting a wedge between us. I make up excuses not to have sex, and he gets mad because I am avoiding him. How can I get him to go back to the way things were?

A. Tell him, ‘Darling, you have pressured me so much to have an orgasm that I don’t want to have sex very often anymore. I want us to make love without worrying about my orgasms for a while.” ,

Make him promise not to try to do so! Then take the books away from him and read them for yourself. You may discover you want to learn more about having

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ff you really don’t care about whether or not you have an orgasm after you’ve read those books, that’s fine.

Q. You frequently print letters from women who say they can't find men who want to commit. Where are those women, anyway?

Tam an attractive divorced man in his 40s, and I want to get mar- vied again. The women I meet don’t want marriage. All they want is sex. One women made me" feel so much like a sex object I got to the point where J couldn’t perform with her.

What's going on with women over the age of 357 Ard why does po one address this issue? These women are out for physical kicks, not relationships.

A. You must be looking in all the wrong places if you are only meeting women who don’t want to commit.

Many women over -35 are capable of supporting themselves and don’t need to find husbands for financial reasons. That makes them more choosy, but you should be glad they are!

Also, women over 35 are more able to separate love and sex. They are more sexually responsive than they were in their 20s. But I

CORRECTION NOTICE)

A used car ad in the North Shore News, Friday March 13 in the Auto Section. One of the cars featured was a 1991 Chev Cavalier for $7,995. It should have read 1990 Chev Cavalier.

Sorry for any ‘inconvenience this may have caused.

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believe most people, men and women alike, want to find some- one to whom they can make an emotional commitment.

Where do you meet your sex

partners? Maybe you should try going to church or synagogue, joining groups based on your in- terests and hobbies, and taking adult-education courses.

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