38 - Sunday, December 4, 1988 - North Shore News

ifs = LIFESTYLES

Refer to female clients — young or old — as Ma‘am

DEAR MISS MANNERS — My co-workers and I are bank tellers and must fre- quently refer to our custom- ers as Sir, Miss and Ma’am. What is the proper way to refer to a woman?

Do you refer to a married woman as Ma’am and a single woman as Miss? If you do not know the marital status of the woman, is an older woman called Ma’am and a yo:neer woman called Miss? Is it in-::.iing to calla young woman M2’am?

GENTLE READER — Any lady old enough to do her own banking business may be safely addressed as Ma’am. No young gentleman would be insulted to be addressed as Sir, would he?

Oddly enough, ‘‘Miss’’ used

without a name is not strictly pro- per in English, where it has a kind of slangy, cheeky connotation (which the equivalent in other lan- guages does not have). Perhaps that is because it suggests that the lady’s youth and marital status are being too carefully noted by people whose business this information is none of, so to speak. DEAR MISS MANNERS — My mother and I recently went to a chgin-store restaurant for Junch. We sat facing each other in a small booth; to my right, separated by a low partition, was an elderly gentleman neither my mother nor I knew.

No sooner had the waitress serv- ed me my lunch than the gentieman asked, “What kind of pie is that?’’ I explained that it was called quiche and was not really a pie st all but was made of eggs, bacon, mushrooms and cheese. He then asked if it was good, and I promised to let him know as soon as I had a chance to take a bite.

After sampling the quiche, I reported that it was pretty good, but that I’d had better. (Actually it was quite good but not hot enough.) My mother and I then resumed our conversation.

A short time later, the gentleman commented, “It must be all right — you seem to be put- ting it down OK.” I was about half-finished at the time.

A couple of minutes later, he left. I asked my mother if I should have offered him a bite. She said I should have. At the time I didn’t think I should, but now I’m not so sure.

GENTLE READER — _ Like your mother, Miss Manners is all for being kind — within reason — to elderly strangers who obviously mean no harm, even when they in- advertently overstep the bounds of privacy. It is just that Miss Man- ners has different boundary lines from your mother for what is within good reason.

It was polite of you to put up with the gentleman’s intrusiveness. To share your dinner — or even much more of your conversation, when you came there to be with your mother — would have been crossing the border between courtesy and social martyrdom. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I suppose I will date myself by ask- ing about guest towels, ht what is one to do when the vnly towel available is a family affair? We en- joy visiting a particular family, but they are all prone to have many problems with infections. F doubt if just soap and water kills germs.

GENTLE READER — Why should you date yourself about guest towels? Would anyone else want to date someone who didn’t wash up?

The official solution to the pro- blem is to call cheerily from the bathroom, ‘‘Excuse me, but may I trouble you for a towel?’’ Since no

one wants to do this, the usual solution is the unofficial one of us- ing toilet paper to dry the hands and then flushing it away. DEAR MISS MANNERS — If two people decide to elope rather than have a large formal wedding, are they still entitled to have a bachetor party, bridal shower and reception at a later date? GENTLE READER — An elopement is the wedding designed expressly for people who wish, for

Jamaican patties. & S§.J.

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miss manners Judith Martin

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