THE ABSURDITIES of today’s Canada are no longer absurd. They are the norm, People don’t fall down laughing when the ridiculous goes on the rampage. It’s business as usual.

Tuke the case of bilingualism going to the dogs, for instance. Reform MP Randy While raised it in the Commons,

White found out that a grant of $5,000 had been made to the Canadian Kenne! Club “to promote bilingualism.”

Hs it purt of the government's:

bilingualism policy to (rain English sheep dogs and Freach poodles to communicate with each other?” he: asked,

Herb Gray was ‘standing i in for | the prime niinister but provided no answer. He didn't even give a bilin- gual bark.

_ Nearer home, something just aS"

66 T. hat i is also that i in every aspect of the bilingual bilge, start- ing with French on the cornflake boxes...99

daft occurred on Mayne Island. But again there have been no laughs.

The story was in the Island Tides newspaper and was headed “French Translation Delay to Mayne Island Ballot.”

It seems that the local store that had the postal franchise was mov- ing to another location. Would that be OK with the Mayne Islanders? Canada Post announced that a vote would be held on the issue. But wait!

Someone had forgotten about bilingualism. So this nationally important matter had to be post- ‘poned, as it were, because someone had forgotten to put out the ballots in both'French and English. —

The results (presumably in both French and English, reported the newspaper straight-faced} were to ‘have been available by the end of

“March. And no doubt were. .

Are there any francophones on

Mayne Island? If so, they must be in hiding. Never mind. Common | sense plays no part in the absurd. It’s enough that everything has to

ON THE OTHER HAND

1997 any anglophone who aspires to be a Lt.-Col. or above has to be bilingual?

His Feb. lows:

“We're putting on notice that anglophones that want to be gener- als, want to be chiefs of staff, they have to be totally and absolutely bilingual.”

Which means in 99 cases out of 100 that they have to come from Quebec.

The same principle will apply in the public service, if it doesn’t already. What they say, of course, is that the French have “only” 29% of government jobs.

But even if that’s true, it is still more than they should have, with francophones constituting only 24% of the population. But in key areas like Goldbloom’s language police, they go as high as 71%.

Then there’s the small matter of cost. The laughingly named Ministry of Canadian Heritage (which used to be the Secretary of State’s office and, being in charge of multicult, is busy destroying Canadian heritage) admits that ; direct costs are over $660 million a year... Scott Reid, who spent two years researching for his book Lament for a Notion (the “notion” being bilin- gualism) claims that the true figure ~ is about $1.7 billion — and that between 1974 and 1992 the total came to $49.2 billion.

Absurd, no? '

Indirect costs amount to a heck

26 statement ran as fol-

ofa lot more, The Reform party says they're about $3 billion a year. French on the cormflakes boxes doesn't come for nothing.

The mad dance goes on, Bilingual civil servants get bonuses of S800 a year, which translates into $50 million, Even Goldbloon says that’s a waste and should be dropped

Fat chance, Hey, said a’ French guy inthe RCMP, why shoulda’ ' we wet bonuses too?

No problem, said the foolish’ Federal Court of Appeal, So now we're going fork aut about $2.4 million a year to 3,000 ROMP who are mainly Quebecers, And hackpay will come to about $30 million. ;

As for B.C, there are only about 60,000 francophones here. ‘They don't even make a percentage point on the population graph.

Of that number 98% are fully bilingual, and 75% marry non-fran- cophones, Yet Crazy Chretien & Co. are funding a court case designed to get them a French school board.

it’s time common sense was given a turn athat. We need neither bilingual dogs nor French on the cornflakes boxes.

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be in English and French. And that’s that.

That is also that in every aspect of the bilingual bilge, starting with French on the cornflakes boxes and ending with discrimination against English-speakers.

_ Such discrimination is not exactly news, of course. But it bears repeating because it’s always being denied. Victor Goldbloom, the Commissar of Official Languages denies it; so do newspa- pers like the Globe & Mail and the Daily Idiot Press in Vancouver.

If they are right, how come Defence Minister David Collenette said a couple of months ago that by

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