MY HUSBAND has custody of his three children aged six, nine and 11 of his first marriage every second weekend. My two children, aged four and seven, live with us. His former wife is employed full-time in a middle management position and in addition he pays $750 per child per month

to her.

When the children come to sur home, whether for the weekend or for holidays, they arrive at our doorstep shabbily dressed and often inappropriately clothed for the weather. In osder that all of the children will be dressed in a similar quality, my husband and I have to purchase substantial quantities of clothing for his children which quite frequently is taken by. the children back to their ’ mother’s home and does not ap-

’ pear again at our home.

- It is getting extremely expensive to both clothe the children and pay $759 per month. Is it possible for us to simply deduct the ‘‘elothing -bilis from the msintenance cheque?

.:You should not deduct anything

from the maintenance cheque or ‘you-will find that your. husband is “the ‘subject. of maintenance en- ‘forcement. proceedings. It sounds

like your husband’s former wife is 2 using the children to strike back at

"There: are two alternatives. He should attempt to get his former wife “to. attend counselling with him to deal with her anger or lack

of. appreciation of. the situation”

she is creating.. If, however, she will not listen and the cost of re- -Vdothing the children warrants it, ‘he ‘can bring the’ matter back be-

‘MACLISE

Family Affairs

HUGH STARK

KIRSTIE

fore the court which set the quan- tum of maintenance for the children and have that court vary the quantum of maintenance downward, thereby giving your husband the responsibility of pur- chasing all of the clothing for the children.

My wife has custody of our two girls aged 11 and 12 subject to my reasonable access. She and I have find very few disputes as to my access in the five years since our separation, but my company now

is transferring me to Prince George and [ want to maintain my involvement in their fives and have reguiar contact with them.

I can afford eight to 10 return plane flights a year. I am pres- ently seeing the children every other weekend from Friday at 6 p.m. to Sunday at 7 p.m., one evening per week from 5 p.m. un- tif 9 p.m., two weeks in the sum-

' mer and equal shared time at

Christmas and school spring break. Can you suggest an access schedule that may work?

The age of the children will allow them to be transported without supervision which wiii lessen some of the expense to-you. Provided your former ‘wife will agree, the children could visit you for one weekend every four weeks from Thursday evening to Mon- day evening, provided that the ac- cess when it includes a school day does not conflict with any major school events including tests.

In addition, perhaps you could.

have the children for all of the schooi spring break and for half of the summer. vacation, which would amount to approximately five weeks. Christmas because of the emotional nature of the hoii- day should be shared, with the children being with one parent on the 24th and 25th of December. This would aliernate from year to year. .

If you do find it necessary to formalize the arrangement by order or agreement, then you should seek reasonable and liberal access to include the preceding ac-

Sunday, July 5, 1992 - North Shore News - 27

Do not deduct anything from maintenance cheque

cess as a minimum. This would allow you to visit with the children when you come to the Lower Mainland for business or holidays other than on the times specified.

The reality of your situation is that the children are getting to an age where they do not want their times dictated. They have their own events that they are interested in and wish to attend. It is impor- tant for you if you wish the type of involvement in their lives you indicate to rermain flexible.

My divorce trial with my former wife ended about four months ago, at which time she got custedy of our two children aged seven and 10 even though the custody report prepared by a Supreme Court counsellor suggested thet my son, the seven-year-old, re- main with me and my daughter live with her mother.

Since the Order of the court my son has been increasingly agitated about retusning to live with his mether when it comes time to return him after an access visit. It is getting to the point where [ must physically force him from my home even though he becomes. emotionally upset and struggles to remain in my home. Recently when E took him to her house he refused tu get out of the car and it was necessary for her to pry his hands off the door handles of my car to get him to go into her home.

I can’t justify forcing my son

+ from my home any longer. I have

no doubt he wiskes to live with

me. I have always been an ex- cellent father to him and am able to care for him. If £ do not force him from my home will I be in contempt of the court order?

It is difficult to understand the mental state of a parent who

.would force a child to live with

him or her when they know the child would be happy and safe in the other parent’s custody. While we doubt that returning your son against his wil! constitutes a con- tempt of the court order, the fac- tual situation could get twisted in- to an argument by your former wife that you were upsetting the child and influencing the child to react in the manner that he is.

Therefore an application to court to rectify the matter would be better. Hopefully, the court would see the situation as one that required a further investigation and possible change. It may be difficult to get a new judge to | revisit the previous order of the court so scon after the last order. However, that. would be preferable to having the matter assessed again by the same judge.

The questions and. answers given in this column are for gen- eral information only.

if you have matrimonial prob- lems you should seek legal advice so that your advisor can assess your particular circumstances and give you the best advice.

Questions about family law and estates can be directed to Stark & MacLise c/o Family Affairs, North Shore News, 1139 Lonsdale. Ave., Narth Vancouver V7M 2H4.

-Tid-bits to keep you thinking and participating

Eleanor Godley

mean is, none by itself is up to a whole column, but each warrants attention and response.

Heralding holiday time, groups that work for you and me, and offer entertainment and purpose too, are packing it in for a while.

Elder College won't convene again until Oct. 5, but is dormant, not dead, spending these weeks dreaming of new challenges and hoping for a real

. rush of. applicants. They’ve got

to raise their fees, so quality is of the essence.

Some of the fall fare is already cinched, including two, at the

“moment, of the popular Faculty

THE VINTAGE YEARS . WE CELEBRATED. Oh

‘sure, Canada and ail that, where would we be without “her?. (Funny, that they feminize countries, isn’ it? It’s because they’re - beautiful and fertile and exhaustively receptive to _ strangers and great to come home to, of course.)

But what you and I celebrated together is a group of ‘things that would each of them get short shrift if taken singly. What {

Through Dan Interiors, Johanne presents a complete shopping experience from furniture to unique gifts and quality kitchen accessories. “Our stone offers such fine lines as KostaBoda, lirtala, and Arabia of Finland. We also have 2. complete line of cookware, including Cuisinart, lagostina, Sigg, and Copperware. Remember us f for exciting acrylic lines for patio and boaters” A bridal registry is also available.

For those who appreciate the difference.

pan interiors South 922-1181

. Focus programs, which saw regu- .

lar Capilano College faculty members expounding on their par- ticular disciplines. These were well enjoyed. And I can leak the tid- bit regarding a new History of Story-Telling, wherein you can have a chance to dust off your talents as a raconteur.

There'll be reminders posted and published, but keep in mind also that interesting ideas for study or discussion groups are very welcome, especially so if you

want to volunteer in the capacity -

of facilitator. Call Brenda at

984-4906,

intellectual —

The Keep Well group is waving good-bye for the summer recess at their annual picnic down at Waterfront Park. That’s on Wed- nesday, July 22, make a note, from 20 a.m. to 2 p.m., roughly. It won’t be roughly, it will be nicely, I can assure you.

They are going to have a presence at the Clam Chowder contest, too. This is in aid. of publicizing their new cookbook which is. in progress. They’ve received a grant sufficient to allow a book of modest size but giant purpose, aimed at presenting. us seniors with suitable ideas for suitable food.

They’ve got a number of people fired_up in Kiwanis Lynn Valley and Silver Harbour and places like that competing. for prizes for tasty but nutritious recipes that aren’t that much trouble or expense to make. They call it Nutrition Neighbours, which is pretty serious stuff, but then they add, Food For Fun.

That’s the way to think ofit,

There was something in my mail, too, that would interest quite a few of you, I’m sure. It’s from VanCity, about property taxes, which will be giving some few of you a headache. The sub-

vP, They've got a number of people fired up in

Kiwanis Lynn Valley and Silver Harbour... competing for prizes for tasty but nutritious recipes that aren't that much trouble or expense to make. 9¥

ject is the provincial Land Tax Deferment Act, not in itself a very sexy topic, but wait — it can do you a favor.

It enables you to defer the property taxes on your principal residence, any type of principal residence on which you incur

‘ property taxes. And, you must

have minimum equity of 25% of its assessed value.

In addition, to qualify, one of the registered owners must be 60 or older. during the year, or a widow or widower, or handicapp- ed (as defined by GAIN).

It doesn’t matter about the age of widows, widowers or the hand- icapped person. It does matter that the applicant be a Canadian citizen or an-immigrant with per- manent’ resident status who has

lived in B.C. for one year.

Thus registered, the provincial -

_ government pays your property~

taxes for you, and. an. encum- brance for that amount is regis- ° tered in favor of the Crown so that the money is paid back in-the event of sale or transfer to your : heirs.

You’re not locked into it. You

“ean start paying if you want to,

without penalty, there’s an annual statement for. your information and reassurance. It sounds like a good idea for those who have all their assets tied up in their homes; it frees up some money for larking around in your old age.

If you want to know more, calf VanCity at 877-7616.

Darn, I’ve left no room for Volunteer Grandpsrents. It sounds’ rather interesting, too. So I'll - learn more and tell you later.