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36 - Sunday, March 17, 1985 - North Shore News.

An innocent, but hideous, mistake _

years ago, | made the acquaintance of a

| DE MISS MANNERS — About two

young man through business contacts, and subsequently worked with him in our related pro- fessions. Although we did not know each other well, we exchanged brief correspunce, i.e. birthday

and Christmas cards, etc.

1 had not seen this gentleman for close to 2 year when I was informed that his tovely young wife was ter- minafly ill. After having received this - information, not two weeks had passed, and I was told by another individual that she had died.

Although i would have felt awkward involving myself in the events sur- rounding a funeral, I did not hesitate to send a card and a letter of condolence.

Of course, you can guess the rest.

1 was informed last week, by yet another individual, that the young woman is not deceased, but still, tragically, is most seriously ill with a supposedly fatal disease. -

Naturally, fam both mor- tified and furious. Mortified that I have sent a letter of condolence when it was not appropriate, and furious at the rumormonger who could be so callous as to speculate

by Judith Martin

on someone’s death without first-hand knowledge.

Feeling that ' am already more deeply involved with a Passing acquaintance's fife than I care to be, what should my next course of ac- tion be, if any? Two other friends are in the same boat in regard to this hideous rumor, and we anxiously await your reply.

GENTLE READER — This is awful, This is so awiul that Miss Manners can hardly bear to think about it.

There are few innocently committed etiquette crimes for which the best solution is for the perpetrator to disap- pear from the face of the earth, but this is one of them. Isn’t that what you feel like doing?

Nevertheless, Miss Man- ners feels it her duty to come up with a less drastic alter- native. She dares not call it a solution, because whatever you do will cause further pain to this person, to whom you have already in- advertently caused pain. That cannot be avoided. Just hearing your name would cause him pain.

Your own pain saight be somewhat relieved by writing him to apologize for what

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you must describe as a hideous mistake, which you thank God is untrue. Make no statements about the health of his wife, but sim- ply send her your regards to indicate that you again think of her as a functional human being. 7

DEAR MISS MANNERS — My oldest daughter has been on her own for more than 20 years. During that time, she has had several live-in hoyfriends, but has never married.

She is engaged now, for the first time, to ber current live-in. boyfriend and plans to get married in June.

She is uncertain us to the size and type of wedding, but has asked if I would help out financially, should she decide on a large wedding. She also would like the reception at my home. I live alone, since my wife died a year and a half ago.

All things considered, 1 have doubts as to the ap- propriateness of a large wedding with me as_ the “sponsor.”’ Are there any ground rules for such a situ-

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GENTLE READER —

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