42 - Wednesday, February 7, 1990 - North Shore News

Rae 38 LIFESTYLES

NOW ON THE NO

Adventure can be safe

Q. ADMIT IT — your talk about safer sex and monogamy says, “I'll drink to that!” no mat- is meant to scare people out of adventurous sex lives.

A. No. When I say that sex with one trustworthy partner is safer than going around sharing sex with many partners, that is only factual information.

I hope somebody considers that this column is trustworthy infor- mation. That Dr. Ruth gives trustworthy information. That ac- credited sex educators and sex therapists can be relied on for sound information.

We don’t try to scare, because to prevent sexually transmissible diseases or unwanted pregnancies, scare tactics don’t work. But in- formation does.

If you try to scare young people out of doing dangerous things, the ones most likely to take risks will only say, ‘‘Hah! They’re just try- ing to scare us because they don’t want us to drink, to do drugs, to have fun.in cars or to have sex. They want to save all that for themselves.””

But if you give youngsters rea- sonable information about behav- ing sensibly and responsibly, a lot of them will listen and then act on what they have heard or read.

Q. Say what yeu like, nothing replaces real sex — meaning inter- course between man and woman. Oral sex and other kinds of fooling around are good for oniy so long. Maybe the man will be satisfied forever that way, the woman not for so long.

t know whereof I speak. My husband is a totally impotent diabetic senior citizen and I am a somewhat younger nurse. After a while I asked him to get an implanz

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and he refused.

I think a lot of people find this procedure too expensive, then they phone their travel agent and spend

ask Dr. Ruth

Dr. Ruth Westheimer

the same amount on a vacation. My husband vefused the implant and I found a boyfriend.

A. Now I could be wrong about you, but when someone asks me, “Should I took for sexual satisfac- tion outside?’’ I do think that this questioner, male or female, has going outside very much in mind. And when you say you found a boyfriend, was that what you wanted, and you found an excuse?

The person who finds excuses for adultery is like the one who

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ter what it is.

My guess is that a lot of other things besides your husband’s sex problems put the idea of adultery into your mind. You say that men are satisfied with oral sex and other diversions but no woman ever will be. However, | get letters from men who want intercourse but their wives will agree only to the other forms of shared sex. So when you say women like this or that, you mean yourself. You don’t speak for all women.

lt is true that peopie will avoid costly procedures that might very well improve their year-round lives and spend the same money on other things. But if a man does not want an implant, it should not be forced on him. Many women with husbands in the same condition as yours have found ways to find sexual satisfaction within the bounds of marriage.

Q. You have said that when one partner’s sexual appetite is fower than the other‘s, the less interested partner should accommodate the other without taking full part in the encounter — that is, should pleasure the other without trying for orgasm herself or himself, probably by means other than in- tercourse. Bul ia this man’s expe- rience, women sre usually unwill- ing to be helpful in this way.

A. This is your experience, not the universal experience of men with women. By the way, I never said the less libidinous partner should pleasure the more libidinous. 1 probably said that he or she could do so. If willing, of course.

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