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Page 14, April, 1979 - Sunday News _

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“Another racing | season opens at Exhibition Park

- tomorrow. evening - and you'll have: until the

middle of October to get even: ‘Horseplayers never die, they just fade away, muttering “if only

Fave. if only I'd’ve...”

"Neither | do they laugh. Merely -a tired grin and a shrug of the shoulders. And they never quit. They just tell the stories, the ones like... .

The nun, the bum and

‘God’s Will... The doorbell

rang at the rectory. The nun opened the door and looked upon the sorriest human

she’d ever seen. His coat was

torn, the seat was out of his pants and the soles and uppers of what remained of his shoes had long since parted company.

“Can you spare anything at al?” he asked. “Pm starving.”

“There’s only two dollars left in the jar,” said the nun. “But you take it.”

The man fell to his knees on the steps, weeping in gratitude.

“That's all right, my good man,” said the nun. God’s will.”

Next day the bell rang again. sam) man, but now wearing a $300 suit, a $20 tie and all the trimmings.

“It’s .

Freshly shaved and groomed and coiffed,.a veritable Robert Redford.

“What in the world?” exclaimed the nun in utter amazement. Said the man:

“Here’s your two dollars ‘back. “God’s Will paid off at boxcars in the fifth race. What have you got going on tomorrow’ Ss card?”

The hunch player... he was a - dreamer. Always dreaming. This time he

_ dreamed all night of pickle

jars. There were seven jars and in each jar one pickle. Seven jars, seven pickles.

First thing next morning,

he phoned his bookie.

“Everything I've got on No. 7 in the seventh race,” he commanded.

He fidgeted the whole afternoon. He could hardly wait. Finally, time to phone back for the results.

“How'd I do?” he eagerly asked the bookie.

“You didn't do nuthin’,” replied the bookie. “No. 7 in

Pitch in for fun softball

Come and join the North Shore Family Y.M.C.A. for a funfilled, action packed season of softball.

If you are between the ages of nine and 12, and if you are interested in a

league in which fun is the main ingredient, then register at the ‘Y.' Registration time: April 9 to 27 ~ at the North Shore Y.M.C.A., 1705 Marine Drive, West Vancouver, B.C.

Hole in one at Gleneagles

Congratulations to Bea Alexander who started off the "79 golfing season with a hole-in-one on number five

at Gleneagles Golf Club. Female members of the club celebrated her success with a party on April 3.

GOLF?

Seymour Golf & Country Club

still has a few memberships available in Men's Full Play category.

For information please phone:

The Pro 929-2611

The Office 929-5491

b y Jim | Kearney

- Boots and Saddle time

“I've got the horse right. here: his. name. is Paul. ‘= From. the" Battle. Hymn of the ©

the seventh - "finished seventh.” me boo -“Oh, no,” ; cried the

crestallen dreamer. “So who won it?”

“Some. ‘pig at named Jar of Pickles,” the bookie replied.

The hunch. player, _ part two... refinanced, he. had

another dream a few weeks .

later, alt about falling in love with a ‘beautiful hat check girl.

.—Scanned the entries in the morning and stopped at the fourth race. There. he found his hunch horse. Phone his

bookie ‘once’ more and _ commanded: :

“Everything . Fve got on Top Hat in the fourth.”

Waited and waited, then phoned back.

“How I do?”

Once again the reply was:. “You didn’t do nuthin’. Top Hat ran up the alley.

Dead stinking last.”

“So who won it?”

on

(D

A . Something called Chapeau.”

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‘Hang i in ‘there; kid... Joe’ s - friends were worried about

- shim. He hadn't hada winner,

betting every race on the card, for over a year. He'd

—lost his--wife, his home, his job, his car. They were afraid that next he'd lose his mind.

Joe, Joe,” they pleaded.

“Bet on something else. Play |

the market. Bet on baseball, football, hockey. Bet on

anything, but stop betting

the horses.”

. “What!” Joe replied ina fit _ Of anger. “Bet on something I don’t know anything about?

You gotta be crazy!”

One last, chance.

‘blown his roll and all he had in his pocket was one lousy dollar, not enough for the betting windows.

But in the crowd he spotted his bookie. Bookies aren't normally welcomed at the track. And they certainly don’t make book there if they're just out for an af- ternoon or evening — of pleasure. But his old customer looked so pitiful, the bookie listened and his heart went out to him.

‘“That pig has so little chance, hell drop dead before he gets home,” the

- bookie. said. “But for your

last dollar Tl book it myself and give you 5,000-to-1.”

So the horse that should have dropped dead came in and paid three months of the provincial budget. Word of the killing quickly spread

and his friends came around

5PM

. No. 02258A) (TRADES WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED ON SPECIAL PRICES)

_ whined,

. handicapper crayons. He™ marked off |

. . ‘Fhe’ :. guy at the track -had a longshot he loved coming up ©

~ in the next race. But-he’d -

to: congratulate , wihner. 0

“You know my bleeping chancer . _ complaining * ‘bit- .

luck,” the last

terly: “I had: only one bleeping dollar _ on that bleeping pig.” - ‘

Skill and science... the and

speed horses . ‘with _ blue

crayon,

brown crayon.

en,

the big.

the .

middle-of-the-pace horses with green. crayon.- ‘and stretch runners . with

A friend. looked over the. - multi-colored ‘form | chart . andasked:) a a ote “What's the" red, “crayon ey for?” nS : Be

Replied the handicapper:

_ “That's pot. crayon: that os my blood.” “

‘duck...

Good ‘punters, and . Oscar - -Wilde’s

horse sense: I h: : horses from betting on what. © - Poe e will do

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