ONE OF the most persistent complaints men have about women is that the latter spend toa much time catking about feelings, or make that Feelings.

Men will tell you, as they’ ve told me, that womnga just blaw things completely out of proportion and that if they just got on with life everything would be fine,

They're reluctant to admit itin anen when we're all sapposed to be more “open.” but a significant number of men will sprint away from talk about feelings faster than Ben Johnson on steroids,

Talk about their golf game. Talk about their stock portfolio. Talk about how great the kid is doing in hockey. Fine, Talk about how wor- ried you are about the security of your job. No way.

There are men, and perhaps

“women, who will read this. colunin and groan, “Please, spare me the trip into touchy-feely land.”

Anybody who thinks talking about, or coming to terms with, leclings is some sort of “airy-fairy.” lifestyle issue should open a news- - paper on any given day and take a . zood look.

Whether it’s Maricnsville, the Bobbitts, Ecole Polytechnique or countless other tragedies, individu- als and Society are paying the price

’ for the inability or fear of men to talk about their feelings.

Nobody can claim there aren't

en to really start talking

Catherine

JUST ADD WATER

women who need to deal with their feetings; but despite the so-called men’s movement, a large number of males have not given them- selves, or cach other, permission to really open up and talk.

North Vancouver therapists Jessica Easton and Toby Snelgrove point out that the difference in the way males and females are social- ized is still part of the problem.

“Young girls and women are encouraged and allowed to share intimacies, through things like secrets and slumber parties,

Easton, “They view therapy as a way (to sort through issues because our culture has told them it's OK to

= trooper alert

.. Dear Editor: ~- A SWAT team “took the North Shore” on your front. page (Jan, 28 “NSN)..[s no one Amongst your North Shore’ readers alarmed at the - prospect of squads of masked

_ assault warriors storming neighbor

ing residences}.

Or, perhaps, storming one’s own residence in search of contraband, a ‘self-defence weapon or cven a

. politically incorrect resident. “Who are these guys anyway? “And, what potential. great. menace

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on the North Shore are they prepar- ing to respond to? Are we paying tax ‘dollars simply to imitate the production of feverish imaginations in Hollywood's television industry?

’ Or is there a greater menace to our ~ own liberty here?

Where are all the Collins critics, warning us about Nazism, now, as they watch storm troopers assault the lawns of the 200-block East 6th St?

Ed Grange. West Vancouver

have feelings. Men, on dhe other hand, ger their affiliations from events and activities. It centres around actions, not words,”

‘The persistent pull-yoursell-up- hy-your-bootstraps imperative that weighs beavily on men apd boys sin have devastating elfects.

While a worn in crisis will typically conch out (or help ata red. atively carly stage in her distress, Snelyrove says “meu will hold off and use control,

“Men sill often wait antil the crisis has decome so acute they're starting to have physical symptoms. They cart come in hyper-ventilat- ing he says,

While the therapists (eel Where ure many men stil in denial about their feelings, Easton and Snelgrove beleve a growing number ive giv- ing up the exhaustive, destructive work of perpetually pushing down their emotions,

What's also encouraging is that there are orgadizations around that have the good sense to recognize that feelings must be acknowledged and dealt with.

One such organization is the District of North Vancouver Fire Deparment.

Altera year of preparation, the department has a program and a team to help its 120 full-time fire- fighters (all men) come to terms with their feelings after job trauma.

Firefighier Kevin Macauley is the coordinator of the Criticat Incident Stress Debriefing team.

Artful writing

De: ar Editor:

1 appreciate the serious and informed writing by your columnist Ron Falctoni,

The piece on the recent. exhibition at -Presentation House, Dada’s Girl, was’ ‘particularly good.. Falcioni’s writings on the arts’ are always thoughtful and fair. 1 wish there was also such a voice evaluating the archi- tecture on the North Shore. Gordon Smith ; West Vancouver

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The dgpartment is one af the first fire departments in the Lower Mainland to initiate the program,

The need for this type of support grew outol the identification of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, in official diagnosis first made by those working with Vietnam War veleraiis, “The fine-al-duty death of a col- tongue, the injury or death of a child, or having a roof collapse five seconds after you've walked out of a burning building can al! produce critical incident stress.” explains Macauley.

Symptoms include headaches, Tinisea, Loss OF appetite and sleep, and a general loss of interest in life,

“Wit's not treated it can develop into Post-traunniie Stress Disorder,

which can lead to an inability to face going to work.”

the debriefing: program allows individuals to release and lalk about their emotions in large and small groups, and ia one-on-one setting.

SLX OF SeVvell YEars 0, Macauley says the atinide towards stress debriefing around the depart nent was typificd hy remarks like; “TL don't need anyone to hold ny hand” and “i you're not nan enough to do ihe fob thea don't de it.”

Now, he says, there's “readi- tess” Lo participate in the progeaa, For all the thousands of men

who are burting out there, let's hope i doesn’t take mare decades of pain -~ or a burning building — to start talking.

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