KIDS and honesty don’t always fit togeth- er.

3 don’t think it’s genetic. Tn other words, 1 don't think kids are born dishonest, but dishonesty may well be a Darwinian instinct of sur- vival. If you think you're going to get in big trouble with vour parents, exaggerat- ing the truth or inventing a little story to cover your you- know-what is a pretty com- mon trait, and not only in kids 1 might add!

It’s frustrating, as an adult, to get caught ina squabble between nwo youngsters, cven more so if they are siblings. How can two relatively intelligent indi- viduals, cut from the same honest cloth as you, tell two so diametrically opposed sto- ries?

And why is it, thar neither story. secms to be credible enough to be camplecely . believable? Even worsc,. -

_ youre the judge and jury of -whatever happened and whose story will you accept?

One of the most impor-

tant things to understand about human beings is they perceive things differently. No two people sce the same event from exactly the same angle or come to exactly the same conclusion. vet both may believe they are the most accurate. Again, we have enough lawvers and soldiers in the world to demonstrate that this is not endemic to children.

The truth, as absolute as we might like it to be at times, is 2 factor of our inter- pretation, dare I say, spin on things. We all have thai ten- dency and while most of us innocently putter through — - such situations, others inten- tionally rake an angle or put a spin on events intending to mistead or misdirect those

receiving the information. Kids tend to be better at it than adults because they have more imagination.

With my own children’s conflicts, £ stick two salt shakers in my cars and tell them | am ready to hear them out, with a grain of salt. Well, actually, before we get started EF ask them if they think they can solve this problem themselves o7 do | need to get involved, a pre- emptory shot across their bow thaz if they force me to judge, | may find both of them guilty.

However, at times, one or both might be absolutely convinced that their story 1s the truth, and chevy are will- ing to nsk proving it. “All rise, picase. This court is now in session, the honourable Dad presiding.”

{do the routine. First one in one room. “Tell me your story.” i listen for inconsis- tencies, exaggerations, impos- si ilities, but generally make few comments. Off to the Next room.

“What did he say? He isa big liar!”

-Drop-in

Wecinesday. Novemt

ber 1G, 1999 - North Shore News ~ 19

“OK, right, tell me your story.” The scene shifis to what seems like another house on another planer. Now, I listen for any consis- tencies, any shred of com- monalities in the Owo stones. Iftm lucky, Tean grasp something that they both experienced and now FT have something to start with. “Let's get touether and go over this,” | say caliniy.

From the other room, “What did he say? He’s a big- ger liar!” I know I'm already making progress because it’s obvious they are both scared I'm going to learn the truth, which will likely tay a little weight on both sets of shoul- ders. 1 press on, Over the next 10 minutes FT ery and

WEDNESBAYS

Drop-in Storytime Fun: For 3-5- ‘tear-olds. Wedaesdays, at 10:20 a.m. and 1:30 p.m, and Fridays, at 10:30 a.m., West Van Memarial. Library. Into: 925-7408.

: Toddlers Storytime: For 2-3-year-olds at the North Van City Library. Wednesday and Friday at 10 am. or 1} a.m. Info: 980- 4424.

COC CNY EC ES

THURSDAYS

Drop-in Babes Storytime: For 0-24 months at the North Yan City Library, Tuesday and

ing vs. S

build a stery on the common elements of the ovo original stories, overruling most objections untess they pro- vide new insights or fresh ree- oliections. As the growing pressure of mutual exaggera- tion begins to rear its ugly head, they begin to sweat.

At this point, | move in for the kill. “Alright, now does anyone want co tell me what really happened?” Version three comes out, stil! slanted, but with more com- mon elements on which we can build. Version four brings more clarity and as a rule, my invented version tive, the mid-point berween three and four, is the one on which the final judgentent will be made.

Rarely is there a win-win

Memorial Library. Stories songs, and finger plays. Thursdays, at 10:300 a.m. Register in person or by call- ing 925-7408.

Kindergarten Storytime: For 4-6-year-olds at the North Van City Library. Every Thursday at 9:30 a.m. or 1:30 p.m. Pre-register for next month: 980-4424.

Return of the Osprey: Patricia. Mason, journalist, editor and loval author will present her book abour the

Sian & MACLISE

Authors of

“DOMESTIC CONTRACTS” | me A book on marriage and separation agreements»

FAMILY LAW MEDIATION —

situation, at least in their minds, so I try to ensure that unless there is some very strong evidence of a serous wrong on the pact of one complainant, I usually decree a lose-lose situation. “You could have both avoided this several times along the way bai chose not to. Now go to your rooms and write me a one-page paper on how you would handle this differcarly in the future.”

“That's nor fir!” they will both respond simultancously. st, Pve got them to

agree on something. — Grabam Hookey is the suthor of Parenting Is A Team Sport. (ghoukey@rahor.com)

Maplewood. Conservation Area. Thursday, Nov. 18, 1:30 p.m., West Van Memorial Library. Register: 925-7408.

International Fairytales and Craft: Thursday, Nov. 25, at the North Van City Library. For ages 6-9. This month Japan is featured. Pre- “register: 980-4424.

— Compiled by Sharon

Cacomite

Fax your event information to

985-2104 or e-mail <sharon@nsnews.com>.

“KIRSTIE

682-4999

mett02-1156 Aloerni St Vancouver

‘Thursday ar 10:30 a.m. Infor

980-4424,

Babytime: Fer 6-24 months . accompanied by a parent or caregiver at the Wesr Van

" Afr, Snappy says... ¥

. fast year’s ~ y OFF. swimsuits ;

Nike & Speedo oe,

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GIEARANCE

name: Keara Pownall, 9. Pets’ names and - ages:

Chiowye, aged 7, and Snowy,

Favourite activities: Both Guinea pigs iike to chew on

“6 months old.

-. the log in thelr pen, and love - to have their coats brushed. Favourite. treats: Chlowye::

“and Snowy enjoy spinach,

carrot tops and strawberries. Pet tales: Chiowye once took

a running leap off of Keara’s bed, while Snowy's stunt career includes climbing on the roof of her house.

if you would like to appear with your pet in Pet. Pause, please wrile to Terry Peters c/o the North Shore News, 1139 Lonsdate Ave.,- _ North

Vancouver, 8.C., V7M 2H4. Or

send e-mail to <photo@nsnews.com>.

Cid Su it Trade-in

bring in your old suit for ~

- SS Off any regular priced suit. or $2 @fF any sale priced suit. |