Sunday, December 27, 1992 — North Shore News ~ 47

Holiday blues not restricted to older generation

I’VE BEEN hoist on my own petard, which has shafted my plans for a cheerful dissertation about what hzppens to Christmas when you maake moves inside 50

years.

The Holiday blues column generated a letter that put a quite different complexion on how we in this house will be spending the festive weekend.

The letter is from a young woman with whom I have had only professional contact, and who has 2 job which gives her great satisfaction and lots of challenge to her creative tal- ents.

She and her husband, a

Eleanor Godley

THE VINTAGE YEARS

teacher,

ly children,

fully enjoy the re- sponsibility of raising two live-

multiplying

facets of her interests.

So why ever would she be affected by reading about the Holiday Blues, when she’s got all that built-in potential for warm family

sharing a Christmastime?

They’re missing a dimension that’s why. any family beyond themselves, especially no. older people. They haven’t anybody who “‘did Christmas”’ for years without the aid of

in their house, They haven’t

television.

Nobody sits at their table **the

and reminisces about olden days.’’

Carol (might as well use a name) own the elbows-on- time after dinner

Christmas from her

nice remembers growing-up

the the-table

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when her grandfather would tell these incredible stories about real life, or about life when it was real, take your pick.

She remembers her grand- mothers talking about how tong it took to do the simplest things — taking the wash in, say, when the shoulders of the long johns were frozen to the line* having to pick over the bulk raisins; digging the car- rots for dinner out of the sand in the root-house.

The thing is, when Carol’s little family first came tc Van- couver, six years ago, they knew they faced this absence of relatives. So they made contact right away with the Volunteer Grandparents.

The girl was then just a

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toddler, the boy about eight. Caro! and her husband looked forward with eager pleasure to making friends with some el- derly couple or lonely widowed lady who would come share all their celebrations, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas especially.

But nothing happened. The VG newsletter began to arrive, and that gave them a little peek into what might be possible, but no hint: of inter- view, no invitations to meet applicants.

Nothing.

There wasn’t a whisper of the possibility of an interesting generational layer being adde to their lives. .

Six years. And ail they’d wanted was to share the view out the rear window.

I felt a pang for all of us who could have been filling that gap. But in defence, it isn’t something you can just go to the phone and commit yourself to.

Children in these times are different. They daily engage in fields of interest in both school and in their ways of entertain- ing themselves that we seniors are quite ignorant of.

Have you ever Nintendo?

Do you understand the noises youngsters call music?

People without grandchil- dren, like myself, we’re out in left field when it comes to anyone past the in-arms stage.

I think we feel like dinosaurs, rather, with our ar- chaic ideas of the fundamental and unsophisticated and suit- able activities that children should be enjoying. We’re not with it. And what we read in the papers doesn’t refresh our confidence.

Perhaps, like me, you feel tentative about establishing a relationship of this kind. It’s fraught, is it not, with hesita- tions — what if we don’t like these kids; what if they don’t like us? What if too much is expected in the way of in- timacy? We haven’t any prac- tice in this role — just what are we supposed to do?

Well, Christmas, awash in unreality anyway, seems a good time to try it out. But in the simplest; most straight- forward friend-to-friend fash- ion. I’ve not made any over- tures to Volunteer Grand- parents, and will not expect to be called grandmother.

My name is Eleanor.

But on Boxing Day Carol and her husband and the children ate going to come for tea and cookies, there: may even be a mince tart, and we'll have a quiet unpressured ex- ploration of one another.

Getting-to-know-you time.

The Christmas paraphernalia will still be evident, and will let us make friends over ‘‘Where did that come from?” and “How long have you had it?’’ and ‘‘Don’t you have a tree?’’ — all that stuff.

played

And I’ve pulled down the photograph collection from the top of the coat-cupboard and we will surely find something in there to encourage laughter and grace.

Who knows? We may have an addition to the family.

At this age!