4 - Sunday, December 13, 1992 - North Shore News

Laughing in the

face

of ecological disaster

Hunter

STRICTLY PERSONAL

'. J HAVE often lamented the lack of jokes in the en- vironmental movement.

I know about the gloom. Hell, I’ve been hyping it for a quarter of a century.

It would of course be nice to report that I was full of it, and that the ozone layer is not collaps- ing, that all the computer models didn’t point to a global warming disaster, and that we weren't outstripping the carrying capacity of the planet at a terrifying rate, while nevertheless continuing to be iocked in ridiculous, debilitating tribal and territorial bloodbaths,

Fortunately, every once in a while, something comes along to lighten the load of the Industrial Person’s Guilt.

I refer, in this case, to the se- cond annual ‘‘Foot In The

* Mouth’ Awards for Best Quotes at the Environmental B.S. Awards, as concocted by the Toronto En- vironmental Alliance (TEA).

Like me, members of the TEA (well, hell, anybody who was ever involved with ecology, i’m sure) wish there were more ways to keep a sense of humor alive in the dying hours of our planet.

I knew I was going to find some kindred spirits at TEA. Like, the first person I ever talked to over the phone at TEA was Gerrard Coffey. Right?

This has something to do with perspective. Bear with me.

1 have written a few scripts in my time, and in fact studied under some of the masters, and the first thing we manipulative script-

44 / have always thought that countries in the

Third World are vastly underpolluted. 99

writers were taught was that ‘if you wanna make ‘em cry, ya gotia make ’em laugh first.”

TEA (and Coffey, for that mat- ter) are to be congratulated for taking an entirely unfunny subject — the destruction of the global ecosystem by the modern indus- trial superstate — and turning it into a giggle.

Everybody needs a bit of relief.

if someone gets 4 bittersweet chortle out of the end of the world, great. Why should God have all the laughs?

But supposing I’m just shatter- ing somebody's illusions by radiating a personal sense of panic about the sheer scale of the in- coming ecological apocalypse? How could that be good?

So, in the spirit of giggling in the enveloping ecogloom, here are the nominations:

1) JOSIE BISSONNETTE AND YUANNE STEFANIE.

These two senior advisers to the

federal Minister of the Environ-

- ment, Jean Charest, were

overheard at the Canadian En- vironmental Network annual gen- eral meeting commenting on the beauty of the Canada Geese flying across the morning sky...

Ms. Bissonnette asked: ‘‘What types of birds are those, any- way?’’

Yuanne Stefanie replied: ‘1 don't know.”

Honk, honk.

2) DAN QUAYLE.

The former vice-president taped as saying: ‘“There’s no such thing as pollution, just dirty air and water particies.”’

Dan Dead Duck.

3) MacMILLAN BLOEDEL LTD.

For a propaganda piece stating: “If companies tike MB didn't cut down trees, cur world would look very different.”

This Christmas give

her something she will 4 enjoy throughout the year. A lovely pair of gold earrings from Swedish Jeweler.

~- Lawrence Summers, chief economist World Bank

Indeed.

4) To the SECRETARIAT of the General Agreement on Trade and Tariffs for this intriguing trickle-down theory:

‘Nothing would promote eco- nomic growth more than free trade. In turn, this growth would provide surpluses for more en- vironmental spending.”

Sho’ ’nuff, boss.

5) LAWRENCE SUMMERS, chief economist for the World Bank, for this thought-provoking notion:

“I have always thought that countries in the Third World are vastly underpolluted,’* and ‘‘I think the economic logic of behind-dumping a load of toxic waste in the lowest wage country is impeccable, and we should face up to that.’”

Bottom line.

6) LISE BACON, Quebec Energy Minister, responding to the loss of the $17 billion energy contract with New York State — energy that is supposed to be generated from the Great White Project:

“This land still belongs to Quebecers, and Quebecers are the ones who will develop it! Natives are not going to stop us from do- ing that!"’

Oops. What can you say about that?

The material does get heavy fast, doesn’t it? Is this testimony to the inherent unfunniness of the unravelling of the Earth's biosphere?

Like, that not even an eco- Lenny Bruce could crack wise over it?

Ah, heck, I think heavy materi- al is OK.

Think M.A.S.H.

Think Eco-M.A.S.H.

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