Freedom at last: pantyhose is

IE KNEW women would come to their senses, ) just knew it.

The recent news that pantyhose sales are “sagging — and women are increasingly favoring tights, leggings and socks — has restored my faith in the enduring common sense of my sisters.

I say, let's have a ‘Torch Your Hose celebration and invite every- one who has ever beer imprisoned by control tops to toss a druwerful into a giant bonfire.

No man (unless he’s into cross- dressing) can begin to understand the critical role pantyhose has played in the life cycle of millions of modern women —— a role for which there can be no rational jus- tification.

Expressed another way, if you had a nickel for every “Darn!”, “Blast!” or “Sh——!” uttered at the discovery of The Dreaded Run, your fortune would make Bill Gates" pile look like parking meter change.

It’s downright baffling why countless women have put up with pantyhose — a sort of sand paper for the legs — for so long.

Clearly, vanity was a major fac- tor, but unless you were lucky enough to be born with Ginger Rogers’ legs, the esthetic benefits of sheer hose are questionable.

Those of us with utilitarian,

field-hand legs know that five thousand kilometres of sheer nylon will never make our legs look like those on the babe in the Hanes ad.

Also, it must be acknowledged that pantyhose were an improve- ment on garter belts, which, despite the sex appeal they enjoy now, felt like a harness that would spring apart at any moment.

> Against the limited advantages of pantyhose, there are sonic Queen Size disadvantages.

One of the big downers is cost. Picture the scene. You've just put on your new ultra-sheer charcoal hose which harmonize exquisitely with your de rigueur little black dress.

You're feeling ultra-alluring as you do a few turns in front of the full-length mirror. You head for the bathroom to put the finishing touches on your makeup when suddenly, you feel a telltale pull somewhere south of your knee.

You look down in horror to dis- cover a thread of nylon running from your leg to a minute knick in the wall which you happened to brush against.

Eight bucks down the drain, and you’ re forced to forage in your drawer for flesh tone hose dotted with pink nail polish.

. Another facet of pantyhosiery that can make you want to tear every pair you have to shreds is inconsistent sizing among brands.

Atyeo

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JUST ADD WATER

Choosing your size according to the chart on the back of the pantyhose package is, to put it bluntly, a crap shoot.

You select the tall size and the hose could end up slipping and falling in undulating folds, remi- niscent of the Sahara, down to your ankles, Fine if you're trying for a Ruth Buzzy look, but not ideal to meet that impeccably groomed corporate client.

Just to add a little exciternent lo your life. the tall size of another brand wili necessitate pulling upward with a truly terrifying

A quick history of NV hospitals

Dear Editor:

A very interesting urticle in your paper, the June 24 North Shore News, by Dorothy Foster, re: the North Vancouver Hospital.

J notice in the last paragraph that she has mentioned North Vancouver's second hospital.

Actually that was the third hos- pital. The first hospital was built, owned and operated by Miss Alice £. Newman, who was also the matron of same.

This was iocated at 1545 St. Andrews, North Van, and was the house that was rented by the

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Dawson sisters, as Dorothy Foster stated in her article.

i did think that Dorothy Foster could have gone back to the real beginning, instead of just starting with the Dawson sisters “renting a house” —— which was actually the first hospital in North Vancouver, even if it was not funded by the North Shore, but was a private hos- pital — nevertheless — the first hospital in North Vancouver!

1 don't know anything about Sally Carswell, who wrote the story of Lions Gate Hospital. Was she there in 1995?

Rodger Burns was there at that time, as I knew him when I was a little girl; and Miss Newman was a relative of mine (Aunt Alice). 1 was born in 1914 in her home. She was my nurse.

Unfortunately, the newspaper (Express) did not start up until about 1905 or so, and there are no newspaper clippings to show about the first hospital; although there is a picture of it on page 74 in Rodger Burns’ book on the History of North Vancouver.

Alice Jessup West Vancouver

It’s a new 3 year term deposit with increasing annual rates. And, it gives you the flexibility to switch to other term deposits

each year - an excellent feature

force until you hear a giant rip... and realize you've just added air conditioning to that particular brand's features.

Another taajor drawback of pantyhose is that they are notatall adjustable to this country’s signifi- cant climatic variations,

In Edmonton, where [lived and lroze for five years. | was a partici- pant and witness (o the truly bizarre scene of hordes of women on Jasper Avenue in -40C wearing down-filled parkas or ski jackets while below they sported panty- hase,

What the women of Edmonton needed (and maybe still need) is a hibernal equivalent of the “mole patrol” or sun block police.

No-nonsense nurses could patrol the streets of Edmonton (and other cold spots), admonish- ing female pedestrians with: “Gracious, girl, haven’t you noticed that your legs have turned purple under those flimsy panty- hose you’re wearing? Now scam- per on home and put something thick and sensible on those legs

At the other end of the mer- cury, every woman knows her summer wouldn’t be complete -. without that horror classic: The Attack Of The Sweaty, Clinging, Itchy Pantyhose.

You're at that summer wed- _ ding, sitting in a church pew while the local Pavarotti belts out Ave

Pork er!

Dear Editor:

Maris,

You appear to be intensely interested in the tenor’s vocal adroitness, when actually you're focused on the overwhelming injustice that your legs are impris- oned ina nylon hothouse and his are cool and unencumbered in socks,

It's enough to make you want to set up a picket line, featuring placards reading: WHAT'S WRONG WITH PALE, HAIRY LEGS ANYWAY?"

A further disadvantage of pantyhose is that they tend to be coupled with high-heeled shoes, another accessory designed to inflict pain on a woman.

In fact, reflecting on that deadly combo, just imagine how many lives have been affected by females squeezing themselves into hosiery and high heels,

It’s enough to keep anyone ina perpetual bad mood.

Yes, girls, we ditched the corset and the girdle, and we can dump pantyhose too.

The question is, what do we do wiih the tons of hose that will be abandoned through this bold, liber- ating action? :

1 think I once saw a rug made

. from old pantyhose at a church

bazaar. Toilet roll covers? Tea cosies?

For the craftsy types among us, the possibilities are endless.

Why is it that every time my friends and I walk into a store the people that work there won't take their eyes off of us? Were the peo- ple that stare at us now getting stared at when they were our age?

There are kids out there who will walk into a store, steal some- thing, but does that make all the kids in Vancouver bad? Do people think they can judge us by what we wear, iow our hair is done and

how we talk?

I realize that not everyone is an angel or even close to it, but I feel that before people judge us they-should remember that not everyone is

bad. Heather MacDonald, age 12 North Vancouver

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Rates subject to change withaut natice.