42 - Wednesday, June 15, 19K ~ North Shore News

Brush her

LIFESTYLES BOOZE MADE HIM GO TOO. FAR

q WAS! ala ‘party and this girl ‘wanted to have sex — but 1 but today, iL is likely to be a pro- um a decent guy with high standards and morals. me

Nevertheless, after afew beers, y rode the wavesin

sex. Now she wants to have a rela- ©

tionship. I told her F aman ex- _istentialist, and it didn’t . ‘really _ happen. What shouid Ido?

. it seems to me that you have. one it. I would not have thought’ of. that ‘existentialist line, myself. : 1 am. not..sure * that <I +. except that it docs,

In- fact, ° understand ‘it

guys. who will: “treat: them

indies?

A. Are you ‘thinking --of - some

‘ woman-in particular?. Who wastes her. timeon a no-good instead of

you? If so, then this woman is in- volved with’ a. man who: takes his

: problems out on her, 7

say definitely that _you had. sex ~

once, no commitment, and have made up: your mind, to leave it ‘at that. ° Keep’ your ‘fingers crossed ‘that she does nat turn up pregnant ‘in-the ‘near: future, and that you

have not. caught something © from.”

her that is worse than a bad cold. “And stick'to-7-Up in the future,

because: beer. shoots” gown your: high standards and also ‘your cau-" : tion.” When -you have sex because, - *. you got drunk, you make mistakes’

that you pay for sober, -

“This is not the time to be making “such! mistakes with the’ current - -: AIDS / erisis::. Everyone. must” be *

> cautious: have prepared a pam- ‘-sphlet;. Dr...Ruth’s Guide ‘to Safer Sex.:To get a copy, send $1.and a self-addresscd,.," stamped, °.tegal-' ized envelope, to Dr.. Ruth/Safer “Sex, P.O. Bo:

92713-9709,

beat them Pp. and: ‘treat them ‘like tot of nice

.19709, + Arne, Calif.; ,

: their ‘problems, -

like

fessional helper -— a ‘social worker, a counsellor,:. perhaps a psychotherapist.

If you are drawn to a woman who is in a bad-rclationship: with somcone else, that. woman needs

help in getting out of the mess she

is in, That.is what she necds now, nat you as a lover or suitor. She is

too confused - at present to be-a”

candidate for your devotion. This.

: “Ruth Westheimer - °

. Being” involved doesn't just

“mean*going to bed — it can:mean_ - being tied to someane undesirably,

unable to untic the knots by one-

; “Very: ‘often | “people “ask - your . “question. about’ ‘certain men: “With

I. the nice.women.in the. world, why does: he always pick one. who ©.

“dumps on. him?’ It, happens that ‘people get into, extremely involved ;.

“involvements and need help sorting

“solving Me perhaps . cutting | “those ties 10.4 wrong partner. ‘That’.

out their own feelings,

help: ‘might: be.a friend or. relutive,

> Mmay be hard for: you to accept — unless you are: not. really * asking. -aboul,2 woman ‘that you are inter-

ested in. now, . but. one. you ‘have.

‘already: given’ "up on, ‘but. “still thinking about..Or have. } got you: wrong: are you really: a. detached © “observer of human nature?"

.. Often people get into.a: pattern. “of bad ‘relationships: of ‘the: same: kind. It might begin : with having”: one” boyfriend - and’ being

We. ieel. that: it's :

too

fF with the existenti:

dependent on him. _Rathér than face’“being alone on, , saturday night, she stays with 4 ” guy who acts mean. Or she has’ children to care for as. well as herself, and prefers to share that responsibility, even with a bad partner, than try to cope with it oa her own or with welfare.

When she “docs. break up with

that bad partner; she Starts with: | another wiio misuses her. Maybe’

she looks for. a certain kind of guy

“out of low self-esteem.» Or she

misses the one she lest and looks

for the same characteristics before”

taking up with a new partner. (1

could be saying “‘he’’ and: ‘talking’ 2

about a man‘as well.) :° Now, this is a psychological problem, and few people get out of :

it without professional counseliing.. Friends are not up to‘helping peo- - ple who actually enjoy feeling sorry -

for themselves, for instance. Alla friend can do to be truly helpfut i is

o say. “1 m. bored: listening to your..

story again and again,‘’ and force

such. a person to” seek effective, -

help. .

Q. Flow: does one keep ‘fantasy.

froms becoming reality when mak-

alist line

_ enjoy and make effective use of a sexual fantasy, you will begin to want the fantasy acted out in reali- ty. This. does not have to ‘be the case: most people keep fantasy in : the mind and make it a cule‘to do so. It happens that some of the oldest daydreamers are. the, most | ‘cautious’ peopte in their actual y behavior. ~ But,” whether ; you. keep fantasy’ in daydreamland by force of char- acter or out of prudence, there is - no better way to keep that fantasy - enjoyable, When you begin to have one chief fantasy, want it to come true, think about it-much of the .time and. find it interfering with sexual functioning instead of help- | ing. it, you./are. beginning to live: with an obsession. ‘And that is no fun.” . .

about it you: might try using other fantasies, dreaming. : “ups other * scenarios: or images.:See if-you ., “ean't replace. this . single: Fantasy® .

with others. that‘are less insistent...

and more. under your--control.| When should you definitely seck help? When -you. know that you. can't become aroused. without: this... Particular disturbing fantasy. ©

ing jove? Like, really having ‘peo-:: .

AS

It’s cook- out time again!

“1160 Marine: Drive | North Vancouver * |

.. ple watchiag or taking part as third . . parties? oon Ne

You ‘seem to be ® ex pressing. a: fear. some. pecple. have: that, if you »

* Before’ ‘going . to: a ‘counsellor 2 3: