C® - Sanday, Jane 13, 1982 - North Shore News

Don't get caught in the middle

QUESTION: (Note

Hayden: I have Sccived a a letter that is very difficult to read. I can't make out several of the words, nor can

QUESTION: I would like so much to be a warm, demon- strative, affectionate person who is able to express her feelings with honesty and abandon, bat, the stark truth of the matter fs that I cannot do it.

There is nothing more to add to a description of my problem. I want to express my feelings and I can't, that’s al) there bb to it. How can | do the impossible?

STEWART: I was struck by

I ascertain which parts of the letter are telling me the facts of the matter and which parts are describing the writer's feelings about it.

the splendid job you did in type - your letter. Then when I read it and learned that you CAN’T do something you want to do, I found myself thinking that not very long ago you COULD NOT TYPE either. But now you~ type beautifully. I suppose you did some training and a heck of a lot of practice. Remember when you could say, in all honesty I CAN- NOT TYPE? Well, now you can.

Ke makes it very difficult to answer with any degree of good sense. The letter concerns itself with a will that was contested. The

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 for appointments for individual, family or group counselling.

You may need some training in getting started at becoming the warm, demonstrative person you want to be, but that training. or counselling is available to you. And you'll need to practice.

You probably want to be expressive of your feelings with a great deal more yearning and passion than

you every. experienced concerning becoming able to type. I don't believe you

could even have the idea of

writer has very stong feelings about the impropriety of the proceedings and_ the resulting unhappiness in the family concerned, as well as in the family of the person writing the letter.

The writer says he/she is “caught in the middle,” but I fail to see why.

As I say, I cannot follow the reasoning of the letter, but if the writer really feels “it is none of my business,” then I would say, have nothing whatever to do with it. Back off. Leave it to the people whose concern it is.

e the change you want fo see

the sort of person you want to be unless you already possess the qualifications and the ability to be that person.

You have everything you need to be the change you want to see happen. Get some help and get on with it. And never again say, “I CAN'T type, or I CAN'T be a warm expressive human being. That's what you ARE! Now let’s get on with being what you are. Uncover the real you. It will be fun!

Husband has women ‘friends’

QUESTION: Do you think everything can be O.K. if a husband goes out with other women for tunch or coffee - without his wife?

My husband keeps saying “it’s che most natural thing in the world” to be pleasant and friendly and sociable with people he knows (mostly from work) but I'm wondering whether it is right. We are happy and getting along beautifully, but there's this ome thing that bothers me.

Am I supposed to just believe everything is O.K.? Do yoo think #1 ts al) right and do you think ht will work?

STEWART: | agree with your husband that (for some peopic) itis the most natural thing in the world pulling for the day when milhons morc of us fecl as he docs But, no, I don't Unnk “everything can be OK " af the fellow’s wife ts stil] at the

I'm

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believe.

The sort of sociability your husband is speaking of cannot be based on what

someone else thinks is “right,” nor on what someone else thinks you are “supposed” to think or do.

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