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20 - North Shore News — Wednesday, July 5, 2000

livinaros

PANE STATI POSED GOES RANT CE,

ttle vacation, to

MY family has started our vacation ahead of me and so as I sit here writing, I’m home alone!

Every parent needs a li : h

I have to admit, the first few days have been pretty darn good. I get to come home when I want to, eat what I want ro, do what I want to and go te. bed when f want to. It’s like being a teenager again.

Let’s face it, as much as we may love our children, a little break from them now and then is probably good for parents and chil- dren alike. The day-to-day routines eventually lose their nov- elty for everyone and getting a chance to do something com- pletely different is like a splash of cold water to wake you up,

Fact is, ’'ve come home late, eaten healthier food, caught up on a lot of work and gone to bed carly, which is not really teenage-like, but the freedom to do that on my own schedule has been invigorating. I've worried a little less about responsi- bility to everyone else.

I spoke to the kids the other night and they seemed pretty relaxed and happy as well. Like a fool, | asked my youngest if he missed me yet and he responded, “Not really. We're having too much fun!” Rule number one of parenting is never ask a question for which you don’t want to hear the answer.

Whar he was really saying was that he was enjoying the time away from the usual conditions of Gulag Hookey —- up early, help with chores, off to school, stand straight, speak clearly. mind your manners, work hard, help with dinner, clear the dishes, tidy your room, do your homework, read, early to bed, turn out the light — “Love you, how was your day?” He

has every right to enjoy a little time away from that routine, and frankly, although I didn’t tell him this, ’'m enjoying the break from those same routines myself. - . . : L didn’t bother to ask my two older sons if they missed me. They’re too smart for that question. “Oh sure dad, big “time,” they'd say, with enough dripping sarcasm to let me know that they not only don’t miss the routines, they really don’t miss me. Edging into adolescence, time away from the

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commandant is like a “get out of jail free”

card and [ know exactly what is going

through their minds.

The conversation with my wife was a fittde

different. Too much enthusiasm about my

home alone freedom might make her feel unneeded, and every smart husband knows better than to step into that emotional mine- ficld. I started with some opening misery,

“Hi honey, sure is lonely here.” F waited fur

her to purr her concern for me.

“Lonely, lonely! I'd give you my right arm for lonely right now. These guys are driving me nuts,” she replied. “When are you going to get here? Can you speak to you-know-who about being stubborn? And you know what? If I get ane more set of eyes rolled at me I’m going to take my chances with social services. Where did we go wrong? These kids are like animals!” ;

{ was sitting on a soft chair with my feet up on the tabic, sipping a cool drink, and in the background of her ranting, I heard chaos. There-was imminent danger here if she sensed I planned this carly departure for my relief at the expense of her sanity. She moved the phone away from her mouth slightly and threatened a permanent spot in the soprano section of the choir if the kids didn’t keep it down. Should 1 answer her questions, for which I can provide little support several thou- sand miles away, or should I parry and dodge, at the risk of having her virtual hand come through the phone and grab me by the throat?

My mind raced over hundreds of parenting books and thousands of articles on being a supportive spouse, searching for the perfect retort, but alas, in the bliss of a quiet home, I was in a complete fog. “Are you there?” she said, with just a

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little more than a bit of edge to her voice. “Have you heard anything S’ve said? They’re yours you know, when you get here. I'ma disowning them the minute vou walk in the door and they’re yours for the next Gvo weeks so you better start thinking abour that!”

Suddenly, as though by divine intervention, the portable phone began to beep. “Take care honey,” I said, “the phone battery is going to cut ou...”

Silence, at least at my end.

I'm going to wait a couple of days before I call again and Pil do it carly in the morning before the kids are up. There, in the peace of the early morning, she may forgive me. In the meantime, I will cope with my loncliness the best way I know how, readying for the next 50 wecks of parental adventure.

I know, it’s tough, but someone has to do it!

— Grabam Hookey is the author of Parenting is a Team Spore. <ghookey@yahoo.com>.

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