page 12, July 28, 1976 -

Freelance Counsellor, Hayden Stewart does private counsel- ling as well as a great deai of group work. He can be contacted at 261-6242 for information and appointments. Letters are always welcome. Mail them to HAYDEN STEWART, c/o the North Shore News, #202-1139 Lons- dale, North Van.

QUESTION: How do you transfer your head know- ledge to. your feeling know-

ledge? I’m convinced we —

human beings are all one family, we are all a part of all ,the others. I think we are “selves”’ only to the degree _that we recognize that we are part of a larger self—which is the whole human family. That’s what | BELIEVE, but

is not what I FEEL at all. Ido . not feel a part of other . people. I have a few friends and I’ve even.had a couple of.

affairs. Those experiences _ had their rewards but the truth is I don’t feel at one with anyone in the world. I socialize quite a bit and don’t believe anyone'.would think of me as a “loner,” but the trath is, that Is exactly what I am—a, loner: Why do I, who

...another has no wish

‘QUESTION: 1am a natural doner. I live alone. I date very little. Mostly I keep to

‘myself during coffee breaks -

at work. I have no social life

or sex life to speak of.. BUT—I am not complaining. - ; That’s the way I want It to °

be. My problem. . arises ‘because no one: will belleve me. My friends keep trying to get me to parties I don’t want to attend, or fix up ‘dates for me that I am not interested in keeping, or voluntecr me _ for committee I'm not interested in serving. They try to get me Interested in politics or church or square-dancing or Toastmasters’ Club or what- over,

: 1 tell the truth. ['d rather

read or listen to music or —

‘write or go for walks. I'm not & sourpuss, nor am I waging my private war against humanity. I really = Ilke

people, but I simply want to be alone more than most people do, I never go to church, although I am quite religious, I don’t sing or play an instrument, although I am ' quite musical, I see myself as.”

some. A

North Shore News

QUESTION: My husband is a real man with a lot of drive and gumption. He’s no jelly-fish. I like that. But can you explain why he seems to

“be like that with everybody

except me? And why am I bossier with him than with anyone else? He says I’m too aggressive and take the initiative too much. He says I’m like that in our business affairs and our social life and even in bed. He calls me the “‘take-charge-girl”” and I think he’s even more both- ered by it than he lets on. He doesn’t oppose me really, he just sort of backs off and lets me go ahead, but he doesn’t like it. I don’t want to be the | boss, so why am I like that with him?

STEWART: When two frightened people, not trust- ing themselves nor each other, are together a lot, their relationship can be- come most uncomfortable. Apparently YOU cannot trust yourself enough to take the risk of trusting him. He seems unable to trust himself enough to give you ample

- reason for having faith in

him. If you were to push and

ms to be more FRUERRCHED. 2.

am convinced of our oneness,

live a life of relative . aloneness? ee STEWART: 1 admire. your **head-knowledge’’. stance.

Stick with it. Your ‘discovery of the best. ;ways*to imple- ment your’ head-knowledge seems slow to you, and, of course, is hard on you, but it is also a terrific challenge to. you. The whole human family is waiting for you (and

millions like “you) to move.

from your magnificent intell- ectual © conviction equally magnificent activa- tion of your conviction. That may. not cheer you, ‘but I hope it will support you in your struggle to become, in flesh and blood, the warm sharing: person. you -*‘think”’ you are intended tobe.

soniething of a “helper,” although I don’t work

through any of the agencies. - My feelings for people are”

warm, but I express them best in my writing. =

can’t they be content with my’ keing the sort of person I 7°. Doh

STEWART: Perhaps they

feel you-are kidding yourself: :

about wanting so much

* solitariness and that you . would’ be ‘better off and — happier if (in their way of

thinking) you doined the human family, -

Make sure you are not talking yourself into being a loner (because of

wise) and then pretending you like it that way. Is there

any possibility: that you are |

shunning people because you

are untrusting or. bitter or

manipulate him less, things

. oOwn-—-and concentrate on the

-your intellectual insight. Roll

into an ~

_ fallow your chosen course as”

- well as you can. It will never Now,, here's my’ question:

\ Why.oh why oh why, oh-why,

do people feel sorry for me_ ‘and try to changé me Into ° some sort of person I am not and don’t want to be? Why

» friends’will always keep on trying, to rescue you ‘from

. hard to do either while: you are fence-sitting.

the — difficulties of being other-

would be better. Find better ways to exercise your stren- gth and it will be easier for you to get off his back. You'll never draw out HIS strength by playing the role of ‘‘take-charge-girl.’” He is far more apt to discover his strength when it dawns on him that you need him-—and you do need him don’t you? I am not suggesting you should bury your own stre- ngth or pretend you don’t have it, but rather, you can discover more appropriate ways to use it that will be beneficial to both of you.

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According to him, there are at least three areas in which you can start discover- ing and practicing better ways of using your own inner ego-strength (ways that will bring out his strength, rather than burying it) and they are, ‘‘your business affairs,’’ your. ‘‘social life’? and ‘‘in bed.’* Why not START with & them? If you feel you need — help in those areas, go after it. Get the counselling you need, but remember that in the long run, it is in your own hands.

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- Take your- conviction for granted—accept it as your

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Your, hope lies in: being a more ‘committedly a ‘loner’ : (and for reasons that ‘deeply. please you) or in being more commitedly involved as a member of the human family (again, for reasons that leave your integrity intact): It is

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