- North Shore News

‘GLU TTONY AT CHURCH

! DEAR MISS MANNERS — Piease update me as to : whether the following practices are proper church etiquette.

} When there is a potluck church for the purpose of exposing their { dianer and the plates used are manners viclations. to. standard dinner-size, is it proper DEAR MISS MANNERS — , for someone to go to the kitchen Please help # young bride-to-be. for a piatter and to return to the My fiance is Italian and I am food tables and pile food on ti? Yu yoslavian. He says he would Only one person fs noticed doing like Italian food served at our . this at every congregational reception. r fellowship dinner, and he happens Ido not want to make my side to be a member of the minister’s of the family feel left out by serv- ing Italian dishes only, nor do I want a mishmash of international courses or dishes representing both sides. In fact, I do not want to make an ethnic statement at all with the food. I simply want some- thing neutral (roast beef, for ex- ample) that just feeds everyone. My fiance will not agree to this compromise and claims his side

LIFESTYLES

- Exposing violations is rude

time investment warranted.

The split was cordial. I simply became “‘busy’’ when she called, until she eventually stopped.

I don’t know how to handle these occasional, awkward dus sightings. On one hand, I owe her an explanation of my behavior 10 years ago. On the other, I definite- ly do not want to resume famil- larities. We both play a sort of stiff charade of not knowing the other is there. Can you suggest a graceful solution?

GENTLE READER — The word you are looking for is **Hi.’*

Having successfully engineered a no-fault parting, you need neither apologize now, nor treat her as an enemy.

When she asks you how you are, reply cheerfully, “Oh, busier than ever, I’m afraid.”” .

DEAR MISS MANNERS —

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don’t get along, both giving me advice on how to conduct my af- fairs. How can I keep friendly with both, when often I don't like ei- ther's suggestions? Any advice would be appreciated.

GENTLE READER ~— Miss Manners appreciates your show of faith in her. What would you do if she gave you advice that you didn’t like?

Well, you would crumple up the paper, shrug, and go about your business. And that is exactly what one should do with unwanted ad- vice, except for crumpling the paper — someone else might want to read it. The only addition, when one is given advice by relatives, is that one should thank them for their concern. Persistent advisers may also be told, ‘I really don’: feel like discussing this at present,

‘manners Judith: Martin

it ath ante omen tare Feta: eae ae eee

Sek,

. -Js it- permissible for members to ask to take plates of food home from church dinners when there is

3 uo ‘announcement. that leftover oa food is available for that purpose? ot Is it now considered OK for 4 parents to permit their youngsters ad to ask members, ‘Can I go home

- with you. today?’’ Some children

: are doing this every Sunday. Is it not improper to wait to be asked?

When the congregation is re- quested to stand for prayer, is it permissible to remain seated? |

“Is it still considered poor. men- ners to request or hint that you would like to receive. ‘certain items asa personal gift? There is a lady in our congregation who freely makes requests that members par- chase’ lingerie, shoes, furniture, etc. -for.ber. She even suggested

- that the congregation give her and

her husband an anniversary din- ner. Is this proper etiquette in a

: church environment?

i GENTLE READER ~— Why

t does Miss Manners feel she is get-

f ting church’ gossip. rather than

se te ete e ee tects,

: church-related questions? -

i You know perfectly well that all L of these things .are etiquette vio- : lations. So.is keeping a close eye : on everyone’s behavior at church

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will be offended. My family is will-- ing to go with the Italisn food, but TI am not. This will only serve to have the meal slant the wedding to one culture. What is proper in such 2 situation?

GENTLE READER — In the New World, we don’t consider eclectic menus to be ‘‘an interna- tional mishmash,’’ but. rather the

‘interesting use of different tradi-

tions. This is especially appropriate when it is likely to flatter and please the guests, not to mention the bridegroom.

It has not escaped Miss Man- ners’ ettention that you are marry- ing into a family of Italian origin, as he is into a family of Yugostla- vian origin. Casting out both traditions for the sake of fairness is a bad way to start a marriage. Hardly better is the notion that everything must be exactly equal. If both families felt strongly, you should try to please both in the menu. But if your family doesn’t care, what possible reason is there not to please his?

DEAR MISS MANNERS — I am 4 43-year-old man, living in the area where I grew up. From time

* to time on my comuanter bus, I see ‘aa old acquaintance. Our relation-' ship lasted on and off from high .

schoe! until about 10 years ago. Rightly or wrongiy, I terminated

it because, over the years, I had found her manipulative and self- - ish. If the phone rang and it was

she, I could count on iwo or three hours of her whining about past hardships, or minute explorations of her manoeuvrings of this or that romance. I was a sounding board. If opinion or comment were of- fered, she became defensive.

I finally saw that she needed more help than I could give, and that I was getting less out of the relationship than my hours-at-a-

Recepily I lost my husband. Ihave but I promise to come to you for one daughter and one sister who _ help if I feel I need it.”

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