Freelance Counselior Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 Jorappointments for individual, family or group counselling. His new office in the Internatuonal Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the convemence of North Shore residents.

Longs for another man

QUESTION:

My husband and I “went together” for quite a long time before we were married and during the time when we were “sort of engaged” I had a marvelous affair lasting almost three months. I felt pretty guilty about it, but my reasoning was that my future husband and I had not really made any commitment to each other and that I was still a free person. Finally, of my own free will, I ended the affair. | wanted to marry my husband and I did. I have not seen the other fellow since and almost all the time, | don't want to see him. But there are those other times when I would give a year's Income to be with that other guy for a little while. I guess I should tell you that our marriage is really great. We are happy with each other

Back o

QUESTION:

I've had a long slow pull at getting my life sorted out and even if I do say so myself, I've done pretty well. My disadvantages that got me into a mess of negative situations made a lot of headway. I have been feeling confident and have been living my life with com- parative freedom and joy. But I had a situation develop which puts me behind the eight ball again. Just as I began to feel that I was in charge of my life and doing well at it, one of my relatives descended on me with a load of trouble. I need not go into detail, but I'm = simply shackled.

I've GOT to help him and almost look after him. It will be one big job that will take a lot of my free time and a lot of energy. | was so upset when I got the news that I felt like I would fall apart. There's no way of my getting out of itt. So, what I'm asking ts, how can | take on a job thac ts too big for me just at the present time? | want to get out of it, but there ts no way. Um going to do it and I

‘Rusting’

QUESTION:

So the Citizen has folded. The competition has = quit competing. You are all alone in the weekly and bi-weekly newspapering business the North Shore. The usual procedure now ls the strong remaining paper to rust on its laurels and offer less and quality. We shall see. What do you say”?

on

for

less

STEWART: Psay the same as you say We Kitveow

shall see I

and I want it to continue that way. So what about my

longings to be with the other man?

STEWART:

Is a different sort of story, but I'd hke you to know that I once had a

marvelous love affair with the Banff and Lake Louise district. [| still remember those umes with joy and continued longings to re- experience them. My memones are clear and delightful. And yet 1 know it would be impractical and not quite “right” for me to dash off to Banff regardless of my other interests and loyalues and responsibilities and loves. I can remember with gratitude and my memories are legitimate and enjoyable. But in the here and now I am not really in

Banff, I am in Vancouver. Don't push the parallel too far, of course, because the pull to a person has a dif- ferent quality that is equalled by a pull to the mountains. But there may be a useful “help” for you in the story, in that it emphasises the validity of your joy over the past, and also em- phasizes the reality of today.

You may remember happily the past, but you don't’ live there. Here is

where you live and love and grow and even though the past will always remain the foundation for your current living and toving and growing, keep in mind that it belongs to yesterday. So - as the old sanskrit says - “Look to this day”. And, as you are probably saying in your heart, “You can't really ever go back”.

the eight ball

want to do it well. But it really scares me and makes

me resentful. How can |! handle it?

STEWART:

There are two parts to my response. If a part of your “problem” before you Started getting your = life “sorted out”, was that you allowed people to use you and take advantage of you. be sure, this time, that you are being honest with yourself. You say there ts no way of you getting out of this new responsibility. But are you sure you are not just shipping back into the same old thing? Make sure in your own mind and hear that you. in fact, are responsible in this new turn of events Perhaps you should get out ofit) Just make sure.

The second part of the answer is this If you really know that the responsibility is without doubt, yours, then accept itoas part of your reality and do tt well Don't the pomonous acting like a Dont complain to the person you are to help nor to your frends

Rive in to luxury oof martyr

If you

on laurels

absolutely nothing about the inner workings of a newspaper but what you suggest ois likely to happen just does not fitiin with the inner workings oof | the publisher and the editor of this young and improving paper But as yousay 9 We shall sec) Perhaps you have some ideas about how to avowd such oa calamity Knowing our brass as bdo] feel sure your Comateuc tive ot even destructive) cribctsin would be welcome

Hut don tsendittome'

are going to do it, do it with grace. You probably have made even more headway in getting your hfe headway in getting your hfe sorted out than you think. You'll probably find you have more resources and more gump- tion and more honest concem than you used to have. See that you GAIN by the expenence, even if it ts only by increasing your patience and loving care. Let 1 be a growing experience for you. A very smart lady once wrote. “If you've been given more than you think you can handle, it’s probably because you can _ handle more than you think? You've got a lot more going for you than you had before, so take a big breath and jump in!

QUESTION:

I have a bad habit I'm trying to break. I'm always saying, “How are you?”. doesn't pay off. People usually say, “Fine” - and that's that. But some people go into a two hour speech all about their health. That angers and depresses and infuriates me all at once. | don't want to hear all about their ailments, but boy oh boy do they jump in and tell me about them, What's the matter with people? I'm fust passing the time of day and they give me this ill-health

talk. How do you get around it?

STEWART: I think you've got the answer. Break the habit of

asking “How are you?”. My mother used to say that when people went into a

spiel about their health, they were giving her an organ recital! Pretty boring. And moreoever, you are not doing the other fellow a good turn by giving him the chance to NKist all his ailments. him is

All that does for his

IECHANIC MINDED?

reinforce

BCIT’s Engineering Division holds the key to your future right now, with openings in Mechanical and Surveying Technologies. Think it over — and get

on the phone. Apply now

434-5734 for information.

British Columbia Institute of Technology 3700 Willingdon Avenue, Burnaby, BC

st

NOW

INVENTORY REDUCTION OF DISTINCTIVE WALL UNITS

MANY STYLES TO CHOOSE FROM

ONE THIRD OFF OUR REGULAR PRICES

WHILE QUANTITIES LAST

OLONY

HOME FURNISHINGS

1860 LONSDALE AVENUE (AT 19TH) NORTH VANCOUVER

C7-Sunday News, May 11, 1980

ask hayden stewart ‘| don’t want to know’

negativities and his disease. Instead of “How are you?” why not get yourself into the habit of saying, “Your hair is lovely”, or “I love your dress”, or “I heard about how well your kids are doing at school” or some such positive conversation starter? It will help you to keep in mind that you will not only be helping yourself (by escaping the organ recital) but will also help your friend by giving her the chance to hear some healthy comments coming from her own tongue!

85-8738

(OPEN EVERY THURSDAY & FRIDAY NIGHT UNTIL 9)

4

o, “Super Perms, Smashing hawreuts every times, “20 salons in Pay: Stores. and major malls

lors |