52 - Wednesday, November 14 ,

Q. I AM a desperate man.
A few years ago 1 was
widowed at age 68.

In my heartbreak, [ too quickly
married another woman. She
thinks 1 am over the hill and has
no interest in having sex with me.

We have not had sex once since
the wedding and she thinks [ am
‘sick’ for asking. This shocked
me because my wife and I had a
good sex life right up until her ill-
ness at the end.

I have met another woman and
I am having sex with her. I want
to divorce my wife so I can marry
this other woman. Life is too
short, gspecially at this age. And I
don’t want to live it without sex.
Am I wrong to do this?

A. Nobody should have to live
without sex! Bravo that you are
still sexually active — and that
you insist upon your right to be.
But before you get a divorce, see
a marital counselor.

Perhaps the counselor can talk
to your wife and she will decide to
have sex. At least you will have
given the marriage a fair chance.

Thank you for sharing your ex-
perience, which should serve as a
warning to others who are sud-
denly alone after a long and hap-
py marriage. Maybe you will pre-
vent someone else from jumping
into a hasty marriage cut of
loneliness. Good luck to you. And
let me know what happens!

Q. I’ve been married for three
years to 2 wonderful man. He is
25 and I am 26. We have a great
relationship, except for two prob-
tems.

We own a business together and
I know sometimes I bring my
dissatisfaction with his work per-
formance inta the bedroor. When
I do that, we have mediocre sex.

Also, our sexual clocks are
totally cut of syne. He wants to
have sex in the mornings and I
want to have it at night.

As a result, we don’t have sex
as often as we would both like to
have it. ] want to do something to
change this now, before a negative
pattern is established: Please tell
me what to do.

Wellness
discussed

NORTH SHORE Neighbourhood
House is hosting a series of lec-
tures that are designed to explore
one or more wellness issues. Reg-
istered nurse and fitness instruc-
tor, Lynne Cove, will be conduc-
ting the lectures which will focus
on creative well-being.

On Wednesday, Nov. 14 the
focus will be on interdependency
and Seif Esteem and on Wednes-
day, Nov.21 the subject will be
Creating An Action Plan For Self
Esteem.

Both lectures are from 7 to 9
p.m. and cost $10 each. Partici-
pants arc asked to pre-register as
space is limited. For more infor-
mation call 987-8138 or drop into
the Neighbourhood House at 225
East 2nd Street in North Van.

YOU HOLD THE KEY
JO YOUR FUTURE

[

1990 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES
Seek counselling before filing for divorce

Dr. Ruth
Westheimer

A. What's wrong with Sunday
afternoon? Set that time aside fer
lovemaking. Then agree that you
will have sex once in the morning
and once in the evening during
each week. That way you will
both be getting what you want on
an equal basis. If you agree in
advance to such an arrangement,
you won't be fighting about when
to have sex.

Also, vou must discipline
yourself to leave your work prob-
lems outside the bedroom door.
Pretend they are wrapped up in a
package waiting for you.

{ promise they will be waiting!
No one is going to take them
away. If you need a glass of wine
to help you relax, drink one.

Q. When I started seeing my
boyfriend he was living with an

older woman. We are both in our
20s; she is 40.

As soon as she found out xbout
me, she packed her things and teft
him. 1 felt guilty about breaking
them up, but I really wanted to be
with him.

Ie was great for a little while,
then she came back into his life. 1
thought they were just friends, but
recently he told me he’s been hav-
ing sex with ker too.

He says he isn’t ready to make
a commitment to anyone. | am
hurt and I don’t trust him any
more. He didn’t promise he
wouldn't be with anyone else, but
1 assumed he wouldn't be.

Now I don’t feel comfortable
having sex with him. We see cach
other, but no sex. Meanwhile, he
is having sex with ber.

How much longer will that go
on? And what can a woman her
age offer him that I can’t? ft don't
see how he could possibly be in-
terested in someone so old.

A. Forty is not that old! Many
men are interested in older women
these days. As you get older
yourself, you will learn what it is
a woman her age has to offer. He
is“ probably very attracted to her
sexual confiderce.

[ can't tell you how much
longer that will last because I
don’t have a crystal ball, but he
has already said he isn’t ready to
make a commitment to anyone,
including you.

If you can’t live with that, you
will have to move on. Next time
find a man who isn’: already at-
tached.

ASK OR. RUTH

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