“QUESTION: I meed some 4 | are making me look at it in a friends have a cold kind of ‘me _ page 20, April 26, 1978 - North help ebout TRUTH. My kids - new way. Our kids and their contempt for adults lying. They say it is lying when we - | aut ‘Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-8242 for appointments. for. . ladividuai, family oF group : counselling. His mew office In the Pleza “international Hotel . fopen ‘Teesdaye enly] is far ee , csavenisnss of Kerth Shere - residents. ; go out. with friends v we. don't _ like much instead of telling - “them to get lost. The worst — kind of untruth in their books ~ ‘is to have one feeling and show another. [They call it ‘‘dip-ploy” -- meaning, they _ _ tell me, using diplomacy as a ploy to avoid being | candid - and truthful}. _. attention . and. their friends and believe it or .. mot, we had.a long talk about . .. truth the other night. I like | charged. to. they always add, al QUESTION: One of the neatest things my parents ever say to me Is, ‘We're proud of you,’’ but why can’t they quit at that? Why do “But be practical now!’’? The latest scene in which the three of us ‘have roles to play is about my | -deaving home. I’m 18 and working and would like to get out on my own. (That's MY line in the drama we .are living out]. My parents’ line is, **you are JUST 18, you haven’t got much of a job, we’re proud of you, . but you’ve got to be practical. ‘Baby-sitting two or three times a week shouldn’t be called ‘working.’ You can’t AFFORD to move out. How will you handle things? What are your PLANS?" I know thelr lines off by heart - I’ve heard them so often. But I’ve got plans and I think they are what I want and I think they are practical. [ll leave it to you. I’ve got a few more weeks of school. Then I want to find a place to live and get a job and leave home without | a hassle. Shouldn't that be a practical cnough plan, even for my folks? Oh by the way, ve got $183 tucked away that I've saved to fall back on. STEWART: I like the idea of your getting out on your. own. Your plan COULD be quite practical if you are not too rigid about the ORDER of the things you've listed as being your plan. You've listed them like this: 1. Finish school; 2. Find a place to. Shore News | find myself really paying. to our. kids and SO much. of what they say. But, as my kids- would say, - “Guess what?” . Just: after - - our big talk om honesty, my. Kids friends made two long: ‘distance calis, on QUR’ phone - and when they saw I was - bewildered by their merve, 7 they. told: me mot to worry {ney were not. charging the . calls to our number. en works hi ery _ they happily explained to me _ rks out that trath is @ very - thet they just picked a name — aL. and number in the book and gave the operator that name and asked for the call to be *phone’’ . and gave the picked!’ Suddenly, When I ‘questioned them about their little game, they. . laughed and said the nhone. company Was & big outit and _ wouldn't miss it. Bui, l asked them, what about the people whe would get @ mysterious loug-distamce charge om their. next bill? They. hadn’t ove o ut wi | fl ] 1 col rs flyin : . live: 3. Get a job; 4. Leave home. 5. Fall back on your savings. willing to change the order a ‘bit? How’s this? 1. Finish school; 2. Get a job and build up your nest-egg; 3. Find a place; 4. Leave home. It’s not ~ MUCH different from your plan. The big difference is in. getting work BEFORE sign- ing up for a place. It might. not make a heck of a lot of difference, but it MIGHT. It’s a big thing you’re doing and I’m hoping you'll do it — well. It would be so hard on _ you to find a place and then . have trouble getting. work,: | and then have to use up your precious hard-carned $183 while you still have not found . work, and then - perhaps have to come home again and hear your folks say, “*We’re proud of you for trying - but you must be practical’. There’s nothing about being practical, espe- cially when being practical makes it much more likely that you will do well the thing you want so much to do. Do yourself a big fat favour and move out with colours flying. It might take a few ‘weeks longer, but you'll be able to do it with. style. One other _ bit of support: Always in life you'll come across situations where ‘‘being practical’ will be no more than a cop-out to save you from taking a risk. What I hope for you is a disgustingly healthy balance of practicality and = risk- | taking. You need them both. _was an even 1 better joke than : 7 never charged more than one — . good about being cheaters... ‘They apparently had not a _ ploy’? and now they openly | oS steal quite happily. I-tried to. that they were amused by my. - old-fashioned fussiness. I felt “ Kind of helpless. 8 , STEWART: 1 suppose. » all of. honesty and feel badly about © our own brand of. guiltiness To. say truth is. respect highly .and twist’ ‘accommodatinaly. . My home |, tended toignore or deny: Be. number and name they had - gn y: ‘where - ore the honest ere ‘TELL them you are grateful - . what they: gave you. Then, . “be the change you want to _.and allow yourself to change. _ And really, that’s changing. the worid at a very very important place o-., thought of ‘that, but now it - : ‘QUESTION: My wife. and L "Actually, age “ay Tittle “uncomfortable - pecause of a difference we Ihave im Our -attitudes in | yegard te “etiquette and _ manners. It is obvious to me — that she is a bit of a stickler etiquette ‘end. of it. - on the: subj ect, while I om like to be thoug shtful and ‘put . ‘we ae: ‘doing a bltof bickering They - ‘assured - ‘me they guests at. se, but I am: not ‘one to worry about whether I’ hold the napkin [whoops - { .comcerned. mean ‘serviette] in “the. - “proper”? way or use exactly . call to a mumber. I felt a little : ‘sick ‘about their feeling ‘so | ‘single q ‘They just the Fight weet when. ‘ I handle it? we a ingle quaim. had - welcome. guests. or ‘say 7 . ; nae dislike of oer dip: good-hye t to them. STEWART: It isn't - ‘you into something you don’t ° q don’t think most t people ‘talk’? with them about it but °- al almost - immediately: sensed | are i about whether. “My wife thinks Pu bit of | (w a ‘lod and that is what upsets _. her. ‘This is. not a big thing “over: something that camgo- ‘either. way as fer as Pm “L. -den’t... like ‘fussing with my wife over'an: “unimportant: matter. How do D me unimportant matter if it leads : like - fussing with your wife... a You are fortunate to feel that | *‘it.can go: either way’’ as'far - ‘you are. concerned - ~ that it. I guess ‘I'm all for just sn t all that i good manners, but I’m mot you.’ So, why’ not: interested in. ‘the iaagke ith. your. wi ‘you collar?) and it is no big. thing with you, why not hold. Git: the® “‘ri pestire 0 of: co-operation and Tove? BES oa right”’. “way as a 2 fy you. and ‘your. wife we were ‘give a us respect.our own brand of - - truth, . ‘universally, ‘simply : gets us . into -a philosophical. bog. it - private and personal and | inward value that most of us* Those kids have helped you see one . aspect of truth that you. had. A mMan grateful for their helping you _ into that new understanding. . and that you intend to use. see ‘happen’’. You can’t™ change the world in a° day, but. you CAN soak up new. resources when you see them - within | YOU. Ces ; of Vidiu é a’ Hotel. as - SPYROS VASSILIOU suggests: oo : hen’ | 7 Guperbty . : - wn the Heritage R Room Would you be. sinful | < we ee July 22-3), 1978 ate ~ Pe aE ER OSI Bea pee kee BIC AmROEL ae aat pbeaena ES CU CM Sr SERS ate Aa a rk lee LEA RAR e 2 For Reservations feleohone 984-061 1 at the | INTERNATIONAL PLAZA HOTEL | _ CORNER OF MARINE: DRIVE. AND CAPILANO ROAD _ Sern, One more good. reason nto switch to me “the conly place offering saving and cheguing.. - ‘alittle uncomfortable’ over: | = - something you consider to be _ reali issue, that involyes your’ . freedom ‘and integrity, ‘then, of course, you’d. have to find | -. another way. to ‘work: it out. | But. the. way, it is, you can | ittle with: ‘grace and | a sensitivity, and both of you |