Should hubby
party solo?

DEAR MISS MANNERS — My husband, soon to be my
ex, had made a habit of attending office social events over

the years without inviting me.
He always manages to have
some excuse which seems rational
to him. At the same time, he pro-
fesses love and devotion to me.

Now, this is not going to affect
the status of our marriage, but
please give me an objective opi-
nion of how rude this practice has
been, or whether it has been rude
at all.

Most recently he has been feted
with an after-office-huurs dinner
on the occasion of his retirement,
and of course, though I am
‘‘more important than anything’’
to him, I was not invited. He said
it wasn’t his fault, because he
didn’t host the party.

Fo make this even more inter-
esting, I have invited people to
our house to celebrate his retire-
ment, and he sees nothing wrong
with the fact that one of his
friends in the office has requested
permission to bring her uninvited
teenage daughter, though he, of
course, could not ask to bring his
wife to the retirement party.

You be the judge —- not the
divorce judge, cf course, but more
important, the manners judge.

GENTLE READER — Miss
Manners hates this assignment.
She is trying hard to believe that
intellectual curiosity prompts you
to ask such a question at this late
date in the marriage, but it is not
easy.

For ordinary after-hours office
partying, invitations do not have
to include spouses, although they
often do, simply because other-
wise employees resent going.
Spouses do not, of course, have to
attend, even if their husbands or
wives do.

But yes, it is true that at parties
where spouses are inchided, each
spouse should be given the option,
and yes, retirement parties held
aiter work do include the spouse.

Miss Manners hopes that you
do not use this information to
brood that your husband simply
did not want to have you there.
As you are divorcing him anyway,
and as you seem to be getting on

’ fairly well for a couple at that
stage — the evidence being that
you are giving him another
retirement party — thinking about
this seems futile.

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Sunday, October 7. 1990 - North Shore News - 47

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