32 - Sundas, October 22, 1989 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES Dismiss annoying questions about ex-hubby DEAR MISS MANNERS — When I was divorced, there was a certain amount of visible scandalous behavior on the part of my ex-husband, which was apparent to the profes- sional community in which we both worked. I strove to behave with dignity in a period of shocking changes not of my own choosing. f kept my married surname because I had it longer than my fa- ther’s surname. What professional stature I had attained was iden- tified with that name, and I had no taste for ever changing my name again because of marital cir- cumstances. Mariners Judith Martin 2 ECT My ex-husband was well estab- lished in bis career, aud the divorce did not affect that. [, however, am struggling to maintain and develop an independent career after being linked with him in the past. We do not have an amiable relationship. (I can speculate that the financial loss he experienced when the judge alloceted some of our assets to me has more than served as retroactive justification, in his view, for the misbehavior.) Our name is not a terribly com- I onset QUEEN ELIZABETH THEATRE FRIDAY, OCTOBER 27 6:30 & 9:30 P.M. SUNDAY, OCTOBER 29 §:00 & 8:00 P.M. Teckets available atalt TICKETMASTER locations, and MOGARTH 6 Eaton's & Woodward's stores, IntoCentses in mayor matis CHARGE BY PHONE: 280-4444 Brougnt to you by weesnrws Crismnse J CNW IS __ Test mon one, but it is common enough that there are several in our pro- fession who have it and might or might not be related. Periodically 1 am asked, in a professional situa- tion, ‘‘Are you related to Mr. Black of —?"" Sometimes I say ‘‘No,”’ which is true. Sometimes I say (depending on circumstances) ‘‘Not any more’”’ or ‘‘I used to be.*’ { don’t want to be viewed as a prevaricator. I don't know if this question is one they have a right to ask, and how much leeway a per- son of good manners has in choos- ing how and whether to answer. f resent continuing to be iinked with someone who has caused great losses in my life and with whom I am not on civil terms. GENTLE READER The simple answer to all of these ques- tions is a pleasant ‘‘I’m not mar- ried.”’ If the few who may have forgotten, or never knew, of your divorce press the matter, they can be told, ‘‘Oh, that was a long time ago.”’ This is a clear dismissal, indicating that you do not want to discuss the matter. Anyone who continues from then on would, therefore, be rude. But Miss Manners believes you are allowing yourself to be annoyed by people who have strayed as far from ordinary polite usage as you seem to think. ‘“‘Are you related to Mr. Black?”’ is an innocent question, in a time where husband-and-wife working teams are not uncommon. And forgetting who is divorced and who isn’t is an understandable failing these days; “How is your husband?” is not a probing ques- Because quality should be seen and not heard. *So quiet you Can answer the phone while it’s running. Patented triple filtration system eliminates hand rinsing. © Even heavily soiled dishes come sparkling clean. ; © The standard of dishwasher quality. SEE KitchenAid. CONFIDENCE H VERTISEO — Math REFUND 4 HOME FURNISHINGS Warehouse/Showroom OPEN TO THE PUBLIC (2 biks. behind the Avalon) at 1075 Roosevelt Cres., N. Van 9-9 Fei. 985-8738 ji re, 12-4 Sun. DENTURE SERVICE R. PALLAI & R. ANDERSON @ NEW DENTURES @ RELINES COMFORTABLE SOFT LINERS WREPAIRS . S FREE CONSULTATION tion, but the merest surface polite- ness. DEAR MISS MANNERS — At a wedding reception, the bride stepped out of ker place in the receiving tine and admonished her mother, ordering her to ‘‘keep the line moving.”’ This was embarrassing to the guests who were waiting because the bridegroom's father was holding up the fine by conversing with his friends instead of passing them on. No doubt it was em- barassing for the bride’s mother, who did not reply but simply mov- ed away, nearer the door, to greet the incoming guests. Please comment on this; nobody knew exactly what to do. GENTLE READER — There is no proper way to indicate, at a wedding reception, that one has noticed that the bride is rude to her mother. It’s even too late for the bridegroom to do anything, and he is the one for whom the behavior is most ominous. A polite bride would have seized the chaiting guests away from her father-in-law by an enthusiatic “Oh, Mr. Blakely! 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