QUESTION: 1 habitually. - help ete. 1 fail to understand —

take part im an activity,
which, in itself, is harmful to
no one, but which is quite
upsetting te my wife, and, by
and large, frowned upon by
society. Although I feel no

guilt over what I am doing, I

am obvicusly refraining from.
describing it in this letter,
because I am fully aware_of
the negative reactions which
could accrue. [I have taken
the liberty, Hayden, to tell
you, confidentially, on the
enclosed page, what my
activity is].

Now here is my problem
and a question about it. My
wife is very unhappy about it
and she is becoming more
and more hung up about it.
She thinks, because ef my
‘‘pelhaviour’’ jas she calls it}
I am rather strange and she’s
telling me always that she’s
scared that I meed psychiatric

CHEDEGGSAOGNOUEUOGGNEGASUGGEDGGHODEGNUDVENEGEDIG

Freelance Counsellor Hayden
Stewart may be reached at
261-6242 for appointments for
individual, family or group
counselling. oo

His new office in the Plaza
International Hote! {open
Tuesdays only) is for . the
convenience of North Shore
residents.

Cee eee reer eEETttE

QUESTION: My glibefriend Can't enswer pi Le

and I use initials for saying
things to each other you
know what I mean? Like I call
her my L.O.W.G.F. and that
means my little old weird
girl-friend. Sce? Well, my
L.O.W.G.F. is away on a trip
with her parents and she
wrote me a letter and at the
end it says, S.W.A.K. None

of the kids know what it
means and we've made all
sorts of wild guesses. Is
there any way of finding out
because I'd like to be real
cool when she gets back and
act like I know what she
meant?

STEWART: The way to find
out the meaning of S.W.A.K.
is to ask somebody my age!
Your girl must have learned
it from her parents or, even
THEIR parents. It means,
**Sealed with a-Kiss’’ and in
ancient times (when I was
young) it was a pretty daring
thing to write at the end of a
letter. Just to remind you
how things have changed
(thank goodness!) 1 should
tell you that it was nearly
always written by big: bold
men and rarely ever by poor,

*

‘

why she is so anxious and
jumpy and critical, because,
as I say, there is no harm to
anwamn nawonsl La. «--b4 TF Re
AasyVaw VAMC Wy WEIGEL BF UU

and I enjoy it a great deal.

Now, my question. Well
first of all, | should tell you
that I love my wife dearly and -
hate to see her unhappy. The |
question is, should I give up
my important source of
pleasure, just because it
bothers her so much? Isn’t

there a basic human _ right

that allows me to do what I
want as long as it is not
harmful to others?

STEWART: Never mind
whether there is a ‘basic
human right,’’ because that
is a vague phrase that means
so many things to so many
people. The point is, you can
dc anything ‘you’ wish,
whether it .is harmful to
others or not. You have your

QUESTION: We've always
wanted friendly neighbours.
Now we've got them and if
you can persuade them to
move away and be friendly
with someone else we'll
appreciate it! They are too
too teo friendly altogether.
When they movea in across
the street, we went over and
welcomed them to the
neighbourhood. That night
they came over to thank us
and te get acquainted. Great.
so far.

That was eighteen days
ago and so far one or the
other or both of them have
come over each day since!

The woman will come over at: -

ten in the morning and say
‘*How about some coifee?”’
Then she'll sit and talk ‘til
noon, then be back in the
afterncon etc. etc. They
don’t seem to know anyone.
else in the world and have
nothing they are interested
in except us. They are as
happy as kids about having
us aS neighbours and
friends. How in the world can
we handle this mess without:
hurting their feelings or
turning them off altogether?

STEWART: Move quickly.

QUESTION: [Comment -
from Hayden]. Yesterday I |
recelved a gracious repri-
mand for not printing some
letters I receive, and for not
replying personally to the
letters that are not printed.
The letters I don’t print are
usually ones that are too long
for this column and_ too
difficult to edit without
spolling thelr intent. I also
cannot handle letters that are
for the purpose of theorizing
about convictions the writer
wants to get before the
public. It fs difficult to us¢
letters that go on at some
length sbout columns that
have appeared in previous
issues, whether those letters
are written In my support or
in disagreement. If such
letters are concise and to the

helpless, proper ladies! Now
that you are ready to do your
know-it-all act with your girl,
I hope she returns A.S.A.P.
(Translation: ‘‘as soon as
possible'')

_ Principles

choices to make. It. follows,
inevitably of course that you
will be related not only. to
your choices,. but. to the
results of your choices. If you
choose to continue with your
pastime, you will be forced to
deal with the results of your
continuing with it. One result
will be a very unhappy
wife—or perhaps a wife who
is suddenly not with you
anymore, but long gone.
What are some of your
options? Continue,as is; try.
harder, (perhaps with heip)
1 o

. *
Mm a2ccict wate usifa an lao
WF CATT Jyvwur We saw Ban AW

om

how to live with her problem;
forget your wife—leave her,

be free of her; give up your

idiosyncracy and replace it

with something more’ re-
warding to you. You have
those options and some
others. One would be to take
your wife’s advice and get
psychiatric help. It might be
well worth while. _

I don’t mean move away. I}
mean nip it in the bud. Be
graciously frank and honest
with them.’ Let them know
you have wanted friendly
neighbours and are glad they
are, but that you both have
other. friends and lots of
that you want to attend to
and that you will not be able
to spend so much time with
them, nice as they are. Let

them know you would like to

help them get aquainted in
the neighbourhood so they’ll
have other friends too and
will not miss spending less’
time with you.

.-.

~

Then arrange an. evening
with three or four couples
from your area and help
them all get acquainted. See
where it goes from there. If
they are ‘‘hurt,’’ or take
offense, be sure NOT to
apologize or say your are
sorry. One of the Love
says, ‘Create
your own reality consciously,
rather than living as if you
had no control over your
life.** Warm but firm—that's
the way to be with these
lonely people. Help them,
but don't sit still while they

smother you!

point, we are happy to use
them. My reasons for not
using some of the letters
received have to do with the
nature of the Question-and-
Answer format of this col-
umn. .

I am not happy about
ignoring letters which really
warrant exposure, but that’s
the way itis. Why not try our
Letters to the Editor feature?
About answering letters per-
sonally: I have not ignored
letters which Indicate the
writer is. really asking a
question or asking for help.
But I cannot possibly carry
on a running discussion by
mall. | am simply a counsel-
lor, not a debating philos-
opher. Your questions I
welcome and even solicit, but
your theories I cannot use,
even when they are good
stuff. So keep those letters
coming in. You'll see them in
print if they fit in to what we
are attempting to accomplish
in this particular column.

i we en
A eet
we e@ tea fgg he

: om
Fe a
ip a wf

84 1977.4: :North Shore News

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