38 ~ Sunday, February 17, 1991 -— North Shore News

DEAR MISS MANNERS
— During courtship there is
typically a period of testing
the waters for marriage.

In this day and age, I do not
believe that a lady must necessari-
ly wait for her suitor to propose,
assuming that if he hasn't asked
her, he is not ready to marcy her.

1 think it would be romantic for
a gentleman to receive a proposal
(albeit. an) unconventional one)
from the woman he loves.

What is the correct etiquette for
Proposing to a man? Does the
lady still wear an engagement
ring? If so, should it be bought in
advance or afterward, and by
him, her, or both tezether?

Should she offer her fiance a
ring or some other token of her
commitment? Finally, does this
alter in any way the traditicaal
divisions of responsibility and
costs for the wedding?

GENTLE READER — Miss
Manners wishes people would un-
derstand that there is a difference
between one’s gender claiming a
privilege that was once associated
with the other, and completely
switching genders.

Proposing to the gentleman
does not make you — if he ac-

cepts — the bridegroom. Nor
would he wear the bridal veil at
the wedding.

There is nothing wrong with a
lady’s proposing marriage to a

LIFESTYLES

What is the etiquette
for proposing to a man?

Judith
Martin

MISS MANNERS

gentleman; it is not even all that
unconventional. That’s what fem-
inine probing to find out the
seriousness of a suitor’s intentions
was all about.

But the part about the ring is
best left out. Gentlemen do not
wear engagement rings (Miss
Manners is not listening to the cry
of tradespeople who want to sup-
ply such items), and a lady cannot
present one to herself.

Having accepted a_ marriage
proposal does not in any way pre-
vent a gentleman from giving his
fiancee an engagement ring if he
feels so inclined. From the time he
accepts, they become an engaged

couple and proceed in their plans
as they would otherwise have
done.

DEAR MISS MANNERS — I
am one of the members of the
military taking part in Gperation
Desert Shield. One of the few
pleasant aspects of this operation
is the mail addressed to ‘*Any
Service Member.’ The response
by the public has been overwhelm-
ing. Letters from youngsters can
be particularly delightful.

But there is one group of letter
senders with whom I have become
quite annoyed. These are the
ladies and gentlemen who think I
would like one or several pages
torn or cut from the Bible.

I believe that it is completely
improper for people to attempt to
thrust their religious beliefs on me
and others in that way. Besides,
the military spends a great deal of
money for chaplains who can
provide us with complete Bibles
simply for the asking.

Should i feel obligated to res-

pond to these clods? It’s such a
dilemma, because I do so enjoy
receiving mail and I try to answer
ail my letters promptly.
- GENTLE READER ~-~ Religion
aside, Miss Manners asks you to
extend just a bit of charity and
not call these people clods. When
there is an open invitation for
people to write letters to those
they do not actually know, it is
not unreasonable that they write
about what is of interest to them.

‘Tri-commission is making
a difference for local arts

From page 37

and so on.

The study (which has yet to
receive federal or provincial fund-
ing) will consider such questions
as: does the North Shore need a
regional museum, a regional visual
arts gallery or a multi-use arts
centre?

It will also examine the future
of such existing facilities as Cen-
tennial Theatre and Presentation
House.

Dennis points out there are no
easy answers to these questions,
‘‘especially when you're dealing
with lots of different agendas.”’
Lair hopes the study will receive
the green light this year ‘‘So we
aren’t just spinning in circles year
after year.”

Another concrete achievement
for 1990 Lair points to was the
creation of a tri-municipal arts
assistance granting program.

In the past arts groups have had
to apply to all three
municipalities, in which they
found themselves regularly stuck
in a web of bureaucracy, for
assistance, Now they need
only apply to a single, coordinated
program.

The new system not only
reduces red tape and its resulting
paperwork, but provides a more
equitable distribution of municipal
dollars.

Some other accomplishments
for 1990 were:
¢ Initiating the start-up of an arts
promotion office. Lair says an
arts promotion office could open
as early as the spring, though she
is not sure what shape it will take.
The idea is to have resources, like
a library or gallery space, avail-
able to local artists.

* A handful of public lectures and
presentations provided to North

Shore organizations, plus the an-
nual State of the Arts Forum.

© First Night Art Walk: 30 Views.
The commission brought together
the business and artistic com-
munities for the North Shore’s
first artwalk of Lower Lonsdale
storefronts. Lair says the walk
may become an annual event.

One important change Dennis
perceives is a more cooperative at-
titude cowards the development of
the arts, especially among local
government.

This year the focus will be de-
veloping, promcting and coor-
dinating the arts, and creating a

distinct cultural identity for the
North Shore.

Other specific plans include:
© continuing development of the
Arts Assistance Grant Program;
* overseeing the implementation
of an arts facilities study, pending
provincial and federal funding;
© publishing a bi-monthly arts
commission newsletter that will
discuss cultural ideas and issues;
* continuing community develop-
ment through lectures, educational
presentations and art forums;
2 and examining options for
future funding.

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