os IN THIS age of mass (read: American) culture, there is only one question of over- riding significance: How do you avoid Madonna? By Catherine Atyeo Contributing Writer Is there anyone clse out there who is ready to tear up the next newspaper or magazine that runs yet another photo of The Corseted One? The woman has become as intrusive as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turiles. That's some feat. Enough is enough. Surely by now most of humanity realizes that Madonna Ciccone is a testa- ment to what image-making and soft porn can do for a career. Like so many of the films Hollywood churns out these days (as well as a certain unnamed mega-musical) Madonna’s act is proof positive (in her case) of how far mediocrity can go. I wanted to give Madonna every chance, so desperately secking The Big M, I went to the current documentary on the star, Truth or Dare. It follows Madonna on her world-wide 1990 Blonde Ambition tour. While | was waiting for my friend in the front of the theatre, I witnessed further proof of just how powerful an act built on bustiers can be. Behind me, com- ing from the direction of the tick- et booth, I heard a_ decidely geriatric voice warble: ‘‘Madonna. Senior." 1 looked around to see a white-haired man who had _ the demeanor of a retired bank execu- tive. The appropriate cliche, ‘‘You should be ashamed of yourself!’’ rushed to my temporal lobes, but 1 managed to stifle myself. What did } learn about Madon- na from the film? First of all, on the most superficial level, she has beautiful skin and is aerobically Friday, June 7, 1991 ~- North Shore News ~ 7 ‘GUEST COLUMNIST. fit. She has to be fit since a lot of her show is non-stop movement. In fact, watching Madonna and her dancers is like watching aerobics instructors who have something other than their resting heartbeat rate on their minds. When it comes to talent, you tealize from this film (if you didn’t already know it) that music is not the most important element in Madonna’s act. Not even se- cond in importance. Madonna’s music is passable disco and unlike the music of Lennon and McCartney, is unlike- ly to stand the test of time. And as Madonna herself admits in the film, she’s not the greatest singer. Her show, she solemnly ex- plains, is a theatrical presentation of her music. So this is about theatre — theatre that aims to thumb its nose at society and question moral standards — especially Roman Catholic moral standards. Watching the film, one is left with the overwhelming impression of a Catholic schoolgirl rebelling against her repressive upbringing. The key question is: how inter- esting is it for the rest of us to watch Madonna act out her per- sonal catharsis? Not very, | con- cluded. It's great that Madonna is Treatment plant overlooked as factor Dear Editor: Regarding the pollution at Deep Cove beach, many factors have been looked at, studied and discussed as possible sources of this ongoing problem. However, there is one possible source of the high coliform counts that has been overlooked. This is the Mount Seymour Sewage Treatment Plant. The facility which services the Mount Seymour ski area pumps its treated sewage runoff into the ditch at the side of the road near the top of Mount Seymour. This treated sewage runoff then enters Crist provides Dear Editor: i would like to give you a few figures concerning taxes in’ the District of North Vancouver and then I will rest my case. Total local taxes, including municipal, school and other taxes, paid by all industrial properties in the District of North Vancouver in 1984 amounted to $5.3 million. In 1991 these same taxes amounted the local creeks and ends up in the Deep Cove beach area. The sewage runoff is a_ big enough factor that as part. of Mount Seymour's sewage respon- sibility they must post signs in the creeks so hikers don’t drink out of these creeks. The signs read. “Caution — Treated Sewage Runoff.” Surely all this treated sewage runoff from Mount Seymour must be a contributing factor in the Deep Cove beach pollution prob- lem. Grouse Mountain sends _ its information on to a total of $5.7 million or a total increase of $400,000 or 8% over the seven-year period. Total focal taxes. including municipal, school and other taxes, paid by all residential properties in 1984 amounted to $30 million. In 1991, these same taxes amounted to $48 million or an increase of 60% over the seven-year period. iN OTHER WORDS, TAXES FOR INDUSTRY BETWEEN sewage down a pipe off the mountain, which connects with the city's sewer system. Cypress Mountain pumps_ its sewage off the mountain to a holding area and it is then trucked off the hill, tf Mount Seymour was to stop pumping its treated sewage runoff directly into the local creeks which lead to Deep Cove beach it could only help slow down the pollution problem. Peter Horton North Vancouver district taxes 1984 AND 1991 IN THE DISTRICT OF NORTH VAN- COUVER HAVE INCREASED By 8%. And TAXES FOR HOMEOWNERS BY 60%. This is the bottom line, not- withstanding all the data produced to befuddle and confuse the public such as mill or tax rates, increases in assessment, inflation rates, etc. Ald. Ernie Crist District of North Vancouver broad-minded enough to make gay men and women a part of her life (most of the male back-up dancers in her Blonde Ambition four were gay), but endless scenes of Madonna and brood indulging in sexual horseplay get awfully boring. She may have made Marilyn Monroe one of her personae, but Madonna can’t touch Monroe for sex appeal. | think a lot of women can understand the effect Marilyn Monroe had on men; in com- parison, watching Madonna is like watching a bloodless, wound-up doll. Despite the star’s obsession with things sexual, in the end she seems a rae bored by sex. In fact, her former lover and sex symbol in his own right Warren Beatty appears pret- ty bored with it as well in’ the tilm. When [ really start to have ma- jor problems with Madonna is her claim that pushing the bounds of “public sexual behavior somehow makes her a human rights heroine. When police in Toronto threat- ened, in a typically Canadian (quiet) way, to arrest her after her show if she went ahead with het notorious simulated masturbation scene, they seemed pretty. silly 4and in the end there was no ar- rest). Even more tiressme was Madonna mounting her imaginary pedium and, in her pre-show prayer with her troupe, thanking God she was glad she lived in the United States of America where there is still freedom of soeech (presumably masturbation falls within this broad category). Real- ly, now, was this what Thomas Jefferson had in mind? [ also have problems with reviewers and columnists who laud Madonna as a real feminist. I’m sorry, but obliging male dancers to wear falsies on stage and takiag your sexual fantasies to the limit doesn’t say feminism to me. Catholic schoolgirl rebellion, yes. Feminism, no. So since I’m obviously not among them, who are Madonna's fans? 1 figure they fall into three categories: 1) Other repressed and rebellious Roman Catholics; 2) Teenagers (and maybe certain senior citizens) for whom weird corsets and funny falsies have some hormonal appeal; and 3) Trendoids who believe Madonna is the latest pop icon fashion. As for me and a few of my friends, if it continues to be im- possible to avoid Madonna, we are considering petitioning the legislature to make B.C. a Madonna-Free Zone. YOU SAID IT! THE NORTH SHORE NEWS recently surveyed 470 people, asking the question: Does the North Shore need a third crossing? Of the 470, 285 people, or 72.9% “Yes.” responded, people, or 19.2% answered that a third crossing was not needed. while 75 78% were undecided or refused to comment.