4 - Sunday, December 23, 1990 - North Shore News Selling knowledge no easy thin in Kim Flon DON'T know how many limes my wife started to collect a set of en- eyclopedias the cheap way — you know, by picking up a few copies at a time ata reduced rate at the super- market — but it never seemed to work out. Either we'd move or she'd miss one weekend, or two, and the next thing you know, we'd be out of synch with the schedule. stuck with a handful of books. Anyway, this time, she succeed- ed, We now have a complete set. The first thing we looked up was the sex iife of snails, since our fit- Ue girl's pet snails were clinging to each other. According to the encyclopedia, most species are hermaphroditic. That, of course, raised more ques- tions than it answered. But it was fun having the vast pool of knowledge at our fingertips. The next thing we looked up was children, because the kids had been fighting with each other all through dinner and t wanted to know what children were for. According .o the encyclopedia, until very recently they were for working in fields, mines and fac- tories. Now, I gather, they are made for watching television. I should say that the reason we bought the encyclopedia through the supermarket was simply because | have a kind of a pre- judice against buying one froma salesman. Nothing against free enterprise, you understand. It’s just that one of my very earliest jobs was as an encyclopedia salesman. I won’t name the encyclopedia company because that particular firm may have reformed itself since the bad old days when young fellows like me were given crash cc 'rses on how to lie at the doorstep about what we were ac- tually doing in the neighborhood. ‘*Placing free books’” was the line we were instructed to offer. In fact, the books would ultimate- ly be anything but free, but that was the way we got inside. And all that really mattered was getting inside, Once you had breached the outer defences, an hour-long sales pitch followed, carefully designed to lead the prospective buyer step-by-step into a purchase. It was important that we not allow ourselves to be rushed, because the delicate psychological balance leading up to the moment where pen would be put to cheque could all too easily be disturbed. I didn’t have much luck as a door-to-door salesman. ['d like to think it was because I was too honest, but probably I was just too thin-skinned and lazy. in any event, afier three weeks on the road with a team of salesmen, I found myself strugel- ing along a rocky road in Flin Flon, Manitoba, one evening in 1958, footsore and weary, lugging a huge briefcase filled with ‘free books,"’ propaganda and con- tracts. I knocked on what was proba- bly the 10,000th door since I'd set out from home, expecting to make my fortune and then take off for distant places, Flin Flon itself not being my ultimate zoal. The man who answered took one look at my briefcase and Bob Hunter STRICTLY PERSONAL demanded: **Are you selling en- cyclonedias?’* “No sir,”* } replied, as trained 1o do so. **I'm placing free books in your neighborhood. “‘No, no, please,”* he said, ‘'! want to buy an encyclopedia. But you can’t just pick them up in stores. Please tell me you’re sell- ing them.”’ **Oh, absolutely not, sir,’’ { assured him, having been warned to watch out for clever characters like this. The trick, my instructor had insisted, was to stick to your free books story through thick and thin. In frustration, the man nearly grabbed me and hauled me inside. His wife rushed up, excitedly wanting to know if they had final- ly snared a real encyclopedia salesman, “Oh no, no, no,”’ I assured her. ‘I'm just placing free books..." It took them nearly an hour to pry the confession out of me that indeed I did have a contract for a set of encyclopedias in my brief- case, just as they had suspected all along. Ut turned out their son had just won the Manitoba Lieutenant- Governor's Award for mathematics. His parents had promised him whatever he wanted if he won. He wanted a set of en- cyclopedias, and they had been frantically looking for one ever since. And now, like a miracle, | had materialized on their doorstep. Thus, as { left, | was feeling high as a kite. Not only had I scored, but | had managed to do it without carrying the burden of having criminally conned anyone. Imagine my surprise when | noticed an RCMP squad car sit- ting al the curb and realized that the officer was talking to me. “What have you been up to, son?"’ Happily, J told him about my big sale. “Get in,’' he said. And off | was whisked to the Fiin Flon municipat jail, finger- printed, and led to a cell, where my fellow encyclopedia salesmen were glumly assembled. It turned out chat the company hadn’t bothered to purchase licences to sell door-to-door in Flin Flon, a requirement of local law, We stayed overnight, were taken off to face the magistrate in the morning, and given 24 hours to leave town. I decided to get into some other line of work. Say, thought I, why not become a newspaperman... | B.C’s Children Hospital? STORE CLOSES DECEMBER 31/90 Merry Christmas Plaza Lincoln Mercury BUY A NEW CAR OR TRUCK FROM PLAZA LINCOLN MERCURY BEFORE DEC. 24/90. YOU GET YOUR CHOICE OF ANY OF THE BELOW ‘| SONY PRODUCTS. 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