just

whistle. _— -

" answer,

QUESTION: My. daughter _
has me bewildered. It isn’t
because she is one
generation and I am another,
because she doesn’t even fit
in to her own generation as
far as I can see. She dresses
funny, in 2 way i just can’t

‘understand. She doesn’t just

dress young, she dresses -

unattractively. Wears a lot of.

big flowing shapeless things. —
‘Tl must

‘say they look
comfortable, but they also .

look ugly and sloppy. Her

clothes are so weird that I
keep thinking they are dirty,
but they are es. clean as a

oe

Her clothes are so sloppy

that even she looks dirty, but
‘she bathes every day and

sometimes twice a day. She
even talks funny. She
‘loves’? . everything and
everybody. Everyone and
everything is “beautiful”

CL

. Freelance Counsellor Hayden |
Stewart may be reached at.
261-6242 for appointments for
Individual, family or group
counselling. —- |

His new office in the ‘Plaza .
International. Hotel [open
Tuesdays only) Is for the
convenience of North Shore
residents.

ne

QUESTION: . My mother is
swell but she always answers
for me. The other day a
waitress looked at me and
asked me if I wanted to have
soup, and before I could

my mother said
“No—he duesn’i like caull-

flower soup.”” I was really

mad, I mean I’m 17 and don’t
appreciate being answered
for like I was a little boy. I
don’t like criticizing = her
because she really is swell.
What will I do?

STEWART: Tell your
mother that you are having a
hard time handling your
embarrassment and anger
when she answers for you
and that you need her help.
A ‘‘swell’’ mother would
only do that out of habit. If

she’s so swell, I think: she'll”.

be glad you told her.

- just great. He says,

‘and she says things like, “He

gives off good feelings.” Ske .

seems te be very religious,
but I sure can’t. understand.
what sort of religion it is. I
asked her once if it was
Christianity ‘and she said,

‘Well, yes and no. It’s

Christianity plus, but there °" |

no name for it. ” - oo

Now what do you make of

that? You see, there. is
nothing BAD about her at all
and I must say she -is the
_ kindest, |
thoughtful person I ‘know.
Her brother, who is 2 years
elder than her thinks she is
‘hom,
what do you care how she
dresses? She is one hell of 2
_ woman!’? Coming from him,
that is meant to be an
extreme compliment. Here I
am telling you how great she
is and saying I’m bewildéred

by her. What do you n make of |
all that? —
STEWART: It is. hard for -

_ you to feel comfortable with

ATR OIA. a
NEURO RRUING |

‘Already. Pve. got in.

knows it yet but’ Pve. also.
deserved. trouble because of |

. alittle bit of. shop-lifting ve
; done a couple of times. Pm

- not in any serious trouble like
with the police’ ete., but: I

. could easily get kicked out of

school and my life at home is
areal mess. -

Pm in trouble because of
getting -into this crazy bus-
iness of not getting anywhere
‘in life but instead just doing
whatever occurs to me or to
somebody else in my gang.
[it isn’t reallya gang - just my
friends]. I’m sure you’re
aware Hayden that all the
kids are into those things I’ve
mentioned except a bunch of
sickeningly straight kids that
just don’t appeal to me at all.
I'd rather be with my bunch
than with them. But we are
the ones that are either in
trouble or sure as hell are
heading for it. I'm having
-fun, bat Pm scared sbout
‘being sneaky and_ lying,
hurting my parents. Where
will I be in a year or in five
years if J just sort of play
around Instead of being
somebody?

if I'm like | am now—
what's ahead? And what do!
do? I really don’t want to be a

goody-goody, but Pin scared —
of where I’m heading. Then

there’s sex. I feel OK about
myself so far, but I sure don’t
see anything but occasional
thrills if Igo along with my
friends. I guess I’m really old.
fashioned because |} sure
don’t want to play around
like so many of the kids do.
Of course I'm
getting pregnant or getting
V.D. but that’s not what I'm
talking about. I hate the idea
of belng the sort of girl who
gets the reputation of being
easy to use. There's some-

it I think.

scared of.

her. being ‘‘different.’’ Per-
haps you could learn how.

Perhaps you. feel a_ bit.
bewildered by ANYONE who
is ‘‘different.’’ Do you? In

Siig short letter you have told

most caring and -;

us about a young woman who

‘looks comfortable, sees and

shares a lot of beauty and
love, wears spotlessly clean -
clothes and is squeeky clean.
herself, is sensitive to others’.
feelings, _ is apparently

- thoughtful and unobjection-
: able about her spiritual life, —
‘the: kindest, most caring

person”? you Enow and is
bragged about by (wonder of»

wonders!) her own brother.

- your

| ain 36 port Les im :
‘ trouble. For a couple | of years:
“now I have been gradually |
_ getting into a stupid kind of |
“life.
wrong at home and at school
“because of | skipping | school,
smoking pot, drinking and

., Staying out all night. No one: | orig autre:

we're all

- But you. choose to be
‘bewildered by her | ‘weird:

: clothes. |

Why not t get unbewildered _
by spending more time and

. more energy expressing your

gratitude for her rather than.
bewilderment. about

-her?. She sounds too good to

be true.. Perhaps .
bewilders you. .

THAT

io? Dat tell. me. to. “gult
these things or. ‘quit | my.
friends.: There just has to be.

_a better way than that. Fm

asking what: it is.

here! >

You’ ‘sound’ like: a kid-—a . .

woman—who isn’t about to
settle for being half-baked..

be. You have another thing

- going for you and that is thai .

YOU are the one that feels.
dissatisfied and wants to do
something ‘about it. It’s not
nearly as rewarding to you if
someone else says, “‘Hey,
going to
so-and-so, - why .not™ ‘come
along?’’ I like your saying to
me don’t tell me to quit
“these things’? or my
friends. You want to do the
coming alive thing in your

. way and at your own rate of |

‘speed and that’s good. Yet —
you say a couple of times,
‘‘what will I do??’” That
means you’re open: to help
and have the courage to ask
for it, and yet you let me
know it has to be the kind of
help you can accept and the
kind of help that lets you stay
your own person. Good girl!

Now ‘the cruncher. What
can I say to you? I can either
say too little to be of any use,
‘or too much to get in this
column. The only other
option I have I hesitate to use
because it may sound like a
cop-out. What I want to say
is, can't we talk and talk and
talk sometime? What we'd
talk about is how you can
learn to lean more trustingly
on your own insights and
strengths. You can handle
this thing well, but you may
need help in getting next to
your own resources and ways
to use them. Let’s talk. Do:
you realize that almost
certainly there are others in
your crowd that are also

ready to cmerge and become |
~ thing really.degrading ahont.” themselves? Want. -to- be A

first?

“(Hey
. | think we’ve got a live one

_do -.

- That ‘isn’t. ‘‘half the battle’ _— |
but it is a very good: place to...

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