Freelance Counsellor Hayden may reached at 261-6242 for for Individual, . family or group \ His new office in the Plaza : r (open Tuesdays only) is for the 4 J of Shore loves Ri i} : ' QUESTION: (Ako from the "February 25th “Evening”) ’ it's as if be has to make me miserable too. true. He won't succeed, but it is wearing on me. STEWART: As you con- tinue giving your energy to the enrichment and evolving of your own life, without . trying to change his, something exciting may well happen. As you radiate your joy over your own ex- periences, ‘you provide him with the opportunity of secing that he will not succeed in changing you to his liking. . Keeping on with your own emergence may help him see that his brightest hope for -himself lies in his being the change he wants to see happen in himself, rather than in changing you. It’s a nice thing to offer him. If you make a choice in that direction, I have a fecling you will find your relationship less “wearing”. Who's telling who what? QUESTION: If 1 want somcome to change away from doling a rotten sort of ’ thing, are you telling me that Bo have “specifle ex- pectations® of that person? STEWART: No, I'm not telling you that. But are YOU telling you that? You might find more clarity on the matter if you ask youself if you want that change in the other person for your own sake, or for her sake. _ Hayden Stewart”) _ It’s Monday morning. it the’ t It There is a foot of snow Dale u or to inspire’ your e * . a . . ” . . oe . - wae : CO a ae . : ! moe QUESTION: (Note: . This question was asked at the . “Evening with a yourself in the bathroom ‘til Tuesday has its drawbacks. Locking yourself in the _ bathroom for 15 minutes is nota bad start however. CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE HAPPEN”. Husband is seeing | “the other woman’ QUESTION: « (Note: 1. What should ome'’s at- titinde be whem she finds her bushand is seeing other women? 2. When his needs are to see other women, a I love him, should I respect those meeds and stay by? I have been angry and kart and RY weeds are to have one ex- chusive love and be loved. STEWART: Each of you have used the word “should” in ways that must add to your difficulties in finding your own answers. There is no onc “right” way to respond which can serve all our readers, or even you, our two questioners. So much depends on who you are and what your resources are and who your husband is and what his resources are. It is important and healthy to do as the = second questioner has don? and recognize what your own feclings are and what your Why should I go? QUESTION: My mother keeps at me to go to you for counselling. Why, I don't know. Do you think | shoald go for counselling just because my mother wants mo to? STEWART: That's not one of the very best reasons, but in your particular case it might be good enough. Some mothers are very sensitive to their kids’ needs. Others ‘to do whatever it wants to . you wart tosee happen. You: For example. would you like to ‘be the change that would allow you a different attitude about the snow? “Then, simply choose to pile up, or to inspire your sleepy son to shovel it off, or do. (Like; perhaps, inspire you with its beauty!) Another idea — in relation to your China-Viet . : Nam concern — how can you “be the change you want to see happen, rather than trying to change someone’ else”? You won't have a lot of influence in changing the nile the bed be Viet Nam situation,-but-you can choose to be the change can be that change by choosing not to “teach a lesson” to anyone today. And by choosing not to impinge yourself on anyones’ territory today. You won't have much success at laying down rules for the cat, but you are in full charge of your attitudes and actions concerning the cat and in that area you can also choose to be the change _ you want to see happen. As you make such changes, and others you will choose, you will rejoice in an awareness of the values in still another LOVE - PRINCIPLE, by providing yourself with the knowledge that PROBLEMS ARE OPPORTUNITIES. own needs are. You are then in a position to go to your husband and Iet him know exactly how you are feeling and what you need. Invite him to help you find the best ways for you to deal with those feelings and needs. You are then providing him with an op- portunity to give you help. If you follow such a procedure, avoid issuing any ultimatums, or even hinting about some _ threatening action you might take. In other words, face up to his reality and to yours and let him see that you will need to work together in solving your difficulties. If you love him, be sure to tell him that, at a time and in a way that will allow him to hear what you are really saying. That is a short answer. If you. go along with these suggestions, other questions will undoubtedly arise. Try to move into a counselling experience. I may be of some help, cither by secing you myself or referring you to someone else, seem to have a need to steer their kids and even manipulate them. Do you think your mother has your best interests at heart? If so, think it: over before flatly refusing or before making an ap- pointment. Then get into your own head to see if you too think that counselling may be a amart move. { - , ‘NOW ONLY > TAPES $5.49 49 EACH LP. > YOU HAD Page 25, March 4, 1979 - Sunday News days? POCO - “Legend” " AMAZING RHYTHM ACES | ____ PRISM - “See Forever Eyes” JIMMY BUFF TO BE THERE..........'.... $8.99 STEELY DAN - GREATEST HITS 0.000 cece cece eee ess $8.99 JOE WALSH - BEST OF...... $4.49 DAN HILL - FROZEN IN THE NIGHT........0..0000-4++- $4.49 MCCLUSKEY.............. $4.49 STEPHEN BISHOP - B/SH.... $4.49 PRISM - PRISM............. $4.49 QUANTITIES ARE LIMITED NEIL DIAMOND - 20 GR qo ot ; “Every 1's A Winner” NOW ONLY 49 EACH LP. 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