QUESTION:

iams because I don’t want ta
do something almost as
much as i do wani-io do fi.
Know what I mean? Right
now, I want to end off a
relationship I have. with a
girl, for about a hundred
pretty darn good reasons.
[Like she’s married and we
both feel guilty about cheat-
ing; we both feel there’s no
future for us without a
terrible hunk of unhappiness
for several people and also
for ourselves, etc.] But I
DON’T want to end it with
her because she is super
woman beyond compare.
' Hew in the world can I come

to a decision and stick with
it?

STEWART: .I realize, from
your letter, that there are
several people involved for
whom you apparently want to
have. consideration. That is
admirable in you. Neverthe-
less, I will be hoping that you
will be willing (just for
starters) to think of yourself
only. That will be hard, of
course, and a little later you

EHTEL suuuqcnpeneueunevauneaueta

Freelance Counsellor Hayden
Stewart does private counsel-
ling as wel! as a great deal of”

group work. He can be
contacted at 261-6242 — for
information and appointments. :
Letters are always welcome.
Mait them to HAYDEN
STEWART, c/o the North
Shore News, #202-1139 Lons-
dale, North Van.

AQUUEDUQUUHOAONEGEEULEOUUUUEAAAARTELTTTT

nas

QUEST:G.n: What do you
do when you feel weighed
down by a huge weight of
responsibility? At times I feel
like I just have more than f
can handle. And right at
those times more. and more
heavies seem to come my
way. I feel I just can’t handle
any more, but then somchow
J seem to keep going. Can
you help me?

STEWART: The _ quick

His friends more important

QUESTION: Right now I
am so mad at. my husband
that if he never came home It
would be just dandy with me.
I have completely lost track
of my friends because of him.
When we po out somewhere,
we always have HIS friends
along. I don't know when we
went alone. He goes out four
or five nights a week without
me, When I ask him to take

I get in awful

‘feel like a cheat

behind -his - back. and gets.

certainly should include the
others in your thinking — Rut

WVRSRBABRALE RL UE

just for now, put yourself

west mid nandes

£
fest iii your CONnSIGEration. it:

you were to ‘“‘end off a
relationship’’ .. with this
woman you feel you love,
there is. no doubt that you*
would suffer a real loss. No
need to push that point, for
you understand it better than
I do. On the other hand, if
you were to decide NOT to .-
give her up, but to make
what you can of the
relationship, it seems to me.
you would have some alter-
natives. One would be to
continue with the present
set-up (in which you already
with no
future) another would be
deliberately to proceed to
break up her marriage so you
could get out of the present
situation. If you also are
married, you would need to

wipe out that ‘relationship
too.

‘

If you were to take the
second aiternative, remem-
ber, it would be with the idea
of living with it. Your moral

_ QUESTION: Last week my
husband and I went to our

favorite private club for a
dance. We invited a girl we

have known for a year. She’s .

engaged to be married in a.
couple of months. Her fiance ©

dis a very nice person and we

think he should be told how
his girl talks about him

_ drank when. she is out on the.
town. That night’ she got

S drunk and picked. up a

stranger, started to kiss him
and hug him and really. act
gross, also her language was

terrible. My husband - got

upset and wanted to take her

home. I talked to her in the.

washroom and she threat-

~ ened to punch me. So we told *

her she was on her own and
my husband and I went back

to the dance floor. She left

with the stranger. We think -
her fiance should be told.
She apologized the next day
and begged us not to tell

him. My husband and I really

gave her a good talking to.
She seemed to. be very

more than he can hand

answer, of course, is work
out a new programme, get
rid of some responsibilities;
give up something; cool
it—the world does not
depend on you. Quite often
for some people that is not a
bad answer at all. Some of us
load ourselves with too
much. The cure? Unload!

But, perhaps for you, a
different answer all together
may apply, Who told you that

me out, he will only ff his
friends haven't got some-
thing more exciting to do.
His life Is completely centred
around his friends.

Please don’t suggest coun-
sellors. They don’t seem to
do us any good. Can you
suggest another way [ can
gain my husband's recog-
nition?

woman and the families
_involved and the effects on

girl. Do keep in mind that if

Sincere about being sorry
and claims she foves her

fiance. But 1 am wondering. if
_ aperson like.that can ever be

trusted and I feel sorry for

. Should we Protect him. or”

STEWART: Why not. tell:

7 because, in a way,- it is really

about her too, because if she

needs you.

stance would need to

ionnred
tonorec,

aay &

easy thing to do.
referring t tS your mentioning

not being comfortable with
cheating and with hurting
other people). Forgetting the

them, it seems to me the
rewards to you resulting
from your insisting on a
continued relationship would
be much slimmer than the
rewards you would reap for
following out: your heart-felt
tendency not to cheat or hurt.
It would cost you, but as the
guy said, ‘‘I never promised
you a rose garden.’’ Respect
and live your inner voice. It
seems to me it is saying,
‘*Please be your REAL self,
it will be best for you.”’

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decide on going along with
the insight of your higher
self, there is.no way in the
world she can lose because of
that.

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that poor man. It is his first.
marriage. . Her — second.

not?.

‘the. girl :that your’ inclination < : - me, a re
‘is to: téll. her manall about'it. oe Ce ee Se
_ because, you. like’ him and : — —

" want to protect him, but ‘that
you have decided not to do it

not your business. Let her
know that you are concerned

gets married and continues
to act like she did the other
night, she will be most:
unhappy in her marriage and
she'll probably be chalking

up divorce number two. ||
_ Offer friendship and support,
but let her know how you feel

about her weird basis for
marriage. Stick with her, she

le

you’. are not up to your
responsibilities? Who says &
so? You may well be a person
who is being given more than
you think you can handle
because you can handle more
than you think. Your’ load
may SEEM too heavy be-
cause you are not utilizing
your potential strength.
When you face your load are
you ALL there or are you a
PARTIAL person? Hey! We
need ALL of you!

still some carpet left

—V/2 price orless —
Sale ends Sat., Feb. 12th

(or before is if stock exhausted )

1615 Lonsdale Ave., N. Van.

( the former Stedman's Store)
Allsales final.

STEWART: No counse "iors
ch? Well ‘‘another way”’
for you to give yourself a
holiday from trying to make
your marriage work and
concentrate on BEING the
change you want to sec
happen in yoursel{. To help

Sold through
you get started on that I hope
you came to the meeting we

tt eame tothe meeting MODERN FLOORS DESIGNCENTRELTD. ff
when | talked “about. such 986-3636 988-2 191 ae

Merchandise sold as is.

maantur