Lae tpareginprme wee fuss that’s s goin’ on with an Ethnicks an a helluva names. Somehow, I jest ain’t satisfide. How the heck does a feller exsplane things to folks wot are guests in my house (wich is Canada), wen I don’t talk their langwidge... so it’s a helluva job tellin’ ’em that a ring thru the nose an funny clothes jest ain’t workin’ out! Us Canadjuns is sorta oddballs. Jest take a sashay thru the local Shopping Mail to prove it! You will see folks there with the dangdest outfits you ever seen—young ‘uns and old folks and the whole shebang...and. NO- BODY GIVES A DAMN! ...but show up in a Sari with a ring thru yur nose...an you will find more ranga- tangs hollerin’ BIGOT! and RACISM! than you cud shake a stick at. HOW CUM!? Well, sir, with mebbe three; four tries at untanglin’ Ss YF Fa it, L.ain’t too shur ’m makin’ any headway. Sumtimes it seems jest as difficult as stuffin’ butter up a wildcat’s backside with a hot poker! GLORIOUS RIGAMAROLE Sumtimes, it seems to me like folks cum into this house of mine, wich we Canada...an yur welcome to the whole shebang. The lakes; the trees; the moun- tains—-the whole Goddam glorious riga marole. _ BUT IT’S FITTEN’ FER A GUEST TO PITCH IN AN SORTA KEEP THE HOUSE IN ORDER—AN MEBBE “ADD SUMTHIN’ TO IT! Like, f’rinstance, Sophie Atkins. Norman Bortnick, execu- tive vice-president and gen- eral manager of the Insur- ance Corporation of B.C. has announced that the under-25 single male Safe Driving Incentive Grant application forms have been mailed to all owners of vehicles in rate classes 04, 14, 204, and 214. ‘The . grant will not be automatic’’, he said, ‘‘Driv- ers who feel they qualify under the terms of the grant should apply by filling in an application form and sending it to ICBC. A_ separate cheque will be sent to those qualifying.’”’ **This Grant should not be confused with the Safe Driving Discount of 17.5% which will be printed on the 1977/78 renewal forms of those who ‘qualify. These renewal forms will be mailed at the end of this month,” explained Bortnick. Although application forms for the grant have been mailed, ICBC antici- pates that, for one reason or another, some drivers may not receive these forms. Theretore application forms will also be available at A cupple of times recently, the Back Porch has flang off a stor; ys jest tryin’ to untangle this here call © Immigrashun an Racism lot of other high falutin’ Y’see, that mite be Miss © Sophie’s rite name...an then,. agin’, it mite not. It don’t make no diffrunce, reaily, becus Miss Sophie . wus pushin’ sixty er so wen she cum frum Devon or Dorset— or wherever the hell it wus. | 3 % s’spose she’s back there ‘ now, pushin’ up daisies in sum nice quiet churchyard, so gonna complain. EBNUETANANENDEUTUUUGATOGUONEENONERDEUESNADLz English By Bill Clark 7. Besides, s never wus one to complain Most times, you wud see her with a littel packsack, hikin’ the trails in the Guvmint Park. In:the packsack wus an easel an water colors an ee ee The fellers in the Parks Branch tuk gud care of Miss Sophie. Wen the foreman saw Miss Sophie sashayin’ up a trail, he wud tell one of the fellers on the crew to jest sorta take the day off an ride > herd on Miss Sophie...so most times there wus a nice young feller on guvmint pay, restin’ under a tree, watchin’ Motor Vehicle Branches throughout the Province. “We urge the under twenty-five single male driv- ers to complete and return the forms as soon. as possible’’, said Bortnick, ‘‘in order that the issuing of cheques can be completed before the new insurance year.”’ All vehicle owners who have taken out insurance in Rate Classes 04, 14, 204, 214, since March 1, 1976, may be cligible if they or the principal operator can satisfy the following four conditions. e All single male drivers under twenty-five who are the owners or principal operators must have not accumulated more than five penalty points on _ their driver’s licence since Janu- ary 1, 1976. ¢ The vehicle must be free of claims in which there was any degree of responsibility for bodily injury, property damage or collision damage. The claim will be charged against the vehicle repgard- less of who the driver was at the time of the accident and she ain’t™ * whole life. makin’ shur she didn’t try feedin’ peanuts to the bears! becus the old mem’ry ain’t wot it used to be...but Miss. “mebbe I ain’t. Frankly, -there might be:a littel feller in the last shipload frum - mite be anuther Raphaei or Miss Sophie paint—an gifts, ‘souvenirs, jewellery, ete. all at great savings during our stock clearance Sale” DIDN’T RAGE OP 985-6021 | Well, Miss Sophie tuk sum - _of the young folks under her \ 626 Westview Shopping Centre North Vancouver wing an showed them how it wus done...an you will find their paintings in homes and galleries frum Vancouver to _ Frisco. It sorta reminds a feller of the sad and glorious Welsh voice of Dylan Thomas—an the poem frum his father’s deathbed: Wash & Wear. No setting necessary - the cut is the style - individualized to your face shape and cut an- entirely new way in. the direction of natural hair growth by John & Mark. ‘Do not go gently into that sO dark night! Rage; rage against the - coming of the dark...”’ Mebbe I ain’t got it rite, | Sophie diden’t rage—she went gently and quietly, jest the same as she did her New in all the world—just wash & wear. No setting — necessary. Gives fantastic curls that last and last. - Extraordinary special effects, co- ordinated with your skin and eye colour. S@PER UAILS - Marthe creates far you in one hour and thirty minutes, beautiful thin natural looking nails—unique in all ' the world. a bigot— vp | But wot she an_ Dylan Thomas” did wus leave. something of themselves in their country...something that mite disappear overnite —or mite last- for Eternity. HIS-N-HER NATURAL HAIR DESIGNS AT — 2432 Marine Drive By appointment 926-1713 If no answer cali 985-8634 Mebbe I’m ain’t too shur! All I know is, f BRING THIS AD—WORTH $5—FIRST APPOINTMENT EXPIRES JANUARY 19 Pakistan or Sri- Lanka who Da Vinci...but we ain’t gonna know, unless you turn him loose in this dig country —an wile yur at it, take the ring frum yur nose; throw away | the silk pyjamas an the sari... AN JOIN HIM! Every guest in the house sorta brings a gilt... _ Like Miss Sophie! will make the owner inelig- ible for the Grant. e The vehicle must not be part of a fleet or used for commercial delivery pur- poses. e All insurance premiums and other monies owing to the Corporation must have been paid in full. ‘‘Any single male driver under twenty-five who thinks that he may be eligible for : 2 ae ee ae ae cogs iy the grant should check his B ce 7; nen To: ee cs ems record carefully’’, said Bort- "ee at ee | nick. “*‘He may still be cligible even though he has iiad No-Fault accident bene- fit claims, Comprehensive claims, Specified Perils claims, or that portion of All Perils claims other than collision. . ‘‘We would like to issue allthe cheques as soon as possible and would urge all those who qualify to mail their applications. just as | quickly as possible. The ! : —————————oOo|!C Insurance Corporation can- - : | not accept these applications after April 1, 1977." . i . . .