PEED MME Ieh ce Se at ee PD Lge i ERR TT QUESTION: I feel like. a fool and it makes me mad as a wet hen. Here’s what hap- pened. The bank I deal in has ‘been on. a pleasant little -campaign to develop a friendly sort of atmosphere. I’m all for that - it’s a good. idea. The tellers put out. bewlis of fiowers er evei candy by their wickets and they even paste up funny little cartoons, ete. Tes all very friendly and lease. I like it. But, I went in to the bank this mornine and the teller I approached | had a cute little coloured poster up which pictured a saucy little kitten with one eye shut and the caption under- the picture | read: WINK IF YOU ARE IN ‘fun remark’’ THE MOOD. | decided rd. go , along with this little bit of. pleasantry but the teller was looking ‘down at some work she was doing and so, while I was Waiting for her to lock up, | ~ _ Freelance Counsellor Hayden . Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 for appointments for individual, family or group - ' counselling. = * His new office in the Plaza ~ International Hotel [open Tuesdays only] is for the ..convenience of North Shore * residents. QUESTION: A couple of years ago I wrote you a nasty letter and you gave me a nasty reply. I don’t have a. copy of what we exchanged but I have a general idea of it. I was complaining about ‘how rude and grouchy the check-out girls were fn both the super-markets I fre- quented at the time. I’m afraid I was rude and _ grouchy myself in the way. I wrote. . Your nasty reply was not nasty at ail but I sure thought it was at the thne because “Instead of: backing me up, you threw. your weight - behind the checkers. Do. you remember? You not only . explained that the girls had a difficult job In keeping sweet all’. day,. but’ that a large percentage. of thelr orneri- ness was because customers were rude. and grouchy themselves and often treated _ the checkers like dirt. Then, - something or other you sald made me: mad cnough to decide ‘I'd teat, your theory. ‘and prove to you you ' were all wel. Anyway, Vm here to tell you now that It has worked beautifully: for me, | started ; said, “What good will it do me if I wink?’’. She did not look up or say anything at all. Without the slightest change of expression she leoked at my deposit slip, handed me the receipt and turned away to some work. I had just. made a pieasant little fun remark and she treated me like I was poison. E wanted to gay. something - more but I was so deflated I just left. She sent me away with the feeling that I had done something horrible. - What do you think abont-my - experience? - STEWART: Perhaps it came across to her that your little ‘was accom- panied by a suggestive iear. Was it? Perhaps. she didn’t like the poster. at all but was _ told by the manager to put it - up to contribute to their new palsy-walsy campaign. But, _if neither of those pertains, I have the feeling she would * QUESTION: I don’t seem to. need a meeting about pot, but I'd sure like to sit down and talk with some kids my ‘age about how te get along | with parents. above: Stewart] I'd like ‘to. have an adult or two present | whe would help us talk things cut. Amd there’s another. subject I'd like to J was having’ a better time . rotten as usual] ‘talk about too. Our family all belong to one.church, but we never. talk about what we really believe or . anything about our human nature, you know, what am I?, what can I know about God?, what do people mean By **the ‘Spiri- tual. side of life" ee Have you ever thought — how hard it is to. find someone who will talk and listen about . those things without making you feel he’s trying to sell you something. | Everyone seems to think their way is the one and only. They may not say it right out, . but I get the feeling their and | you they © actually know, | and nearly all the time they | were quite friendly . and decent. I'm ashamed to say that when they came through so well, I was a IKittle. disappointed | because my .theory about them being nasty was being disproved. Well, anyway, I had decided to try being: friendly with them for a couple of weeks and then tell you. that you were all wet.. At the end of the two weeks ‘I’ thought to myself, to heck with ‘all this effort at being nice, Pil just forget It and go back to what came naturally. | Then it occurred to me that than J used. to have and so were the girls - so why quit? So here I am, after all this time to say it works nicely for . ime, to be considerate and It has now become natural and _ enjoyable for me, I’ve tried it in other circumstances too and I’m convinced that when I'm fairly haman with other people, most of the time they ure human with me too. Just tion. A [See letter - Let's see what happens. being real nice ‘to the girls {and expecting them to be as DID respond to my being civilized. be better off to remove the’ poster or enter the fun thing . they are pushing. _ After all, that poster DOES invite banter. If she isn’t about to banter then she’d better withdraw the invita- lot depends on whether you came across. to her objectionabiy. Did you, with your. tone and. attitude come. across: to her as a smart- alec or a lecher? If you didn’t (and if her boss didn’t ‘‘make’’ her enter into the procedure) then she is the one with: the problem and -you can relax. Perhaps you. should. con- sider the possibility that she had put up with three or four days of. inane prompted. by her poster and now here was just one more guy trying to be funfiy. She may have reached the end of her humour. And that’s another reason for her to tear | up the poster. I-hope that by now she has.done it. saying if you'll just come te OUR church then you'll be — OK. 1 don’t want to talk about _ one of the churches I want to talk. about’ me. When I started this letter I just wanted to ask about talking ‘about parents and kids, i but i guess I got carried away on. thing ve. been | trying to think out. Ferget it. | | -E guess I don’t really want -help - I just have to do it on. ‘my own. But it sure would ke, great to talk to some other another ‘guys who are curious like ame Girls ¢ too. Any. ideas?. cao STEWART: You : are right: in the long run, you “IL. have to do it on your own!’ and that’s a darn good way. Meafiwhile, here’s an invite. for other feliows and girls who want to talk together about parents or about what : you call **the spiritual side of life’’ to write.in and say ‘s| “thought I'd tell you abo t my experience. STEWART: Good woman! ~ You found some fun and now you share it with us. fishes: as you keep xplbe | Lock of love the problem - NOT pot (QUESTION: Are you really not going to say anything -more ebout that. meeting some kids had about pot’ I'm curlous about whether you think it worked well. . STEWART: It worked well. been TWO: There have ‘meetings. The second one let me see clearly that pot was not the big ‘‘problem’’. Kids and parents learning how to_ -express and live out their love for one another is the great big opportunity that lies ahead. Parents and kids seemed to be hungry for love and torn apart because of their awkwardness in giving it and in receiving it. There'll be another meeting. remarks — « ‘*just - North Van page 15, April 13, 1977 - North Shore News We offer _ reception. You choose the menu; from ~ a-la-carte -gerved to suit by our > Professional stait. Sw Gir (Parties & groups to 30}. 200 sterling silver charms - 8] 99 each 10K gold 15” box link chains -$1 9% each Sold at jewellery departments of the following London Drug outlets 21st & Lonsdale | -an informal wedding Son rigener ours met, prepared and friendly, ‘Buy one of our sterling. silver charm bracelets at our regular low price of — -and receive, as a bonus - one sterling silver charm Offer expires April 30177. + Vancouver Pacific Centre