THIS YEAR, once again,
I’m going to take up skiing.

By Paul Hughes
Contributing Writer

I take up skiing every year, and
I must say it’s hard to imagine
anything that could be more fun...
although stabting yourself in the
eye repeatedly with a sharp knife
probably comes close.

Let me just categorically state
that I am the world’s foremost
living-room skier. That’s right!
When it comes to schussing
through the shag nobody can
touch me.

One time I performed a flawless
slalom from our bathroom to the
edge of the balcony in just two
hours and 15 minutes.

Total damage: One (1) only
Hummel figurine and three (3) on-
ly collector plates. Plus sundry
lampshades.

Ask my wife. She was there.
(The spot on my thigh where she
impated me with my ski pole only
hurts when it rains.)

I think it’s fairly obvious by
this little illustration that I have
the heart and soul of a truly great
skier. A regular Nancy Greene
Killy, wouldn’t you say? (Or do I
mean Jean-Claude Cranston?
Anyway, one of those famous
skin divers).

The problem is my body and
muscular coordination are more
suited to something a tad less
physically demanding. Like, for
instance, taking long, uninterrupted
naps.

It wouldn’t be so bad if they
only allowed you to practise the
sport within the privacy of your
own four walls.

Suck a law would save a lot of
time and embarrassment, not to
mention crutch rental fees,

But NO! These fanatical purists
insist you can only really ski on
cold, extremely expensive white-
covered things called mountains,
which, if they have one single ma-
jor failing, it’s that they are so
damn high!

This is particularly distressing to
those of us who have not yet

INSIGHTS
-Can’t stand up for falling dow

Hughes

HUGHES’ VIEWS

mastered the ‘‘snowplow’’ method
of stopping, which invloves turn-
ing the tips of your skis inward
and letting the snow itself slow
you down.

As far as I'm concerned it's a
purely theoretical idea, like quarks
or something.

Friday, December 27, 1991 - North Shore News ~ 7

Whenever (try the
“tsnowplow”’, my legs and skis
shoot off into totally different di-
rections, and I’ve ended up flat on
my back, my head thudding
hollowly on the only bare boulder
in four miles of soft, snow-buried
landscape.

Thus I’ve naturally developed
my own procedures of ‘‘controlled
skiing’? — a fancy phrase to
describe falling off a mountain
without actually killing anybody:

A. The sure-fire Fall Over
Method.

This is extremely easy to learn:
Fall down. Stand up. Ski another
five feet, Fall down. Stand up.
Fall down.

Repeat until at bottom of run.

People often ask me how to teli
when the hill is ended. As I
always ski on Grouse Mountain,
(the shortest one I can find) this is
no problem. Once | find myself
draped on the bow of a Cates tug
1 know the finish line can’t be far
away. (This is, incidentally, where
the phrase “Ski to Sea** comes
from).

8B. The Bounce into Trees
Method.

Also known as tree-hugging. If
you have an ounce of concern for
old-growth forests, this shouid
eliminate that aberration from
your character. I used to believe
firmly in the preservation of our
precious trees, but after one or
two encounters with ill-planted
sequoias, I’ve significantly chang-
ed my tune.

C. The Safest Bet Method.

Stay home, curl up on couch,
and listen to Vicki Gabereau on-
the radio.

Probably some of you think I
should foresake ny skis for good
and engage in a sport more
adapted to my personality. The
word ‘‘embroidery’’ possibly leaps
into your mind.

Well, to that I reply: ‘‘Piffle!"’
I'm made of definitely sterner -
stuff. § heard about an easier
ski-run, see, that even I can
master. It seems this Saskat-
chewan farmer forgot to bring in
his manure pile...

| px, AHEM! So... WHAT DID you Do?...
THRow A HANDFUL OF ROCKS
ON THE ROOF Té MAKE ALL

HEE HEE... DAD... 1 COULD NEVER
CATCH HIM WHEN 1 WAS A
LITTLE GIRL. 00,

Racism

based

on ignorance

Dear Editor:

Racism is a manifestation of
latter-day barbarism. It is based
on fear and ignorance. It is as
demeaning and degrading to the
victims as it is to those who
perpetrate it; including those for
whose assumed benefit it is con-
ducted.

Racism and race hatred will not
improve our educational system.
It will not produce affordable
housing. It will not stop pollution,
improve public transportation or
health standards. Racism is
counterproductive.

It never has and never wilt lead
to a higher quality of life in a
community, Those who preach
tace hatred or advocate violence
based oa race hatred are the un-
witting guarantors of permanent
spiritual, social and economic
backwardness.

But criticism of Canada’s im-
migration policies is not racism.
Every country has the right to
permit immigration in accordarce
with its interests. To criticize and
oppose the immigration of crimi-
nals into Canada is not racism.
Neither is it to advocate their
deportation. ©

To criticize the Mulroney gov-
ernment for permitting mass im-
migration of unskilied and un-
trained people for the sole pur-

pose of reducing Canadian social
and economic standards or
because it improves the chances of
the government for re-election is
not racism.

Acting on behalf of big
business, governments, including
Canadian governments, nave regu-
larly used immigration policies as
a tool to teach ordinary Cana-
dians a lesson and to keep them in
their place. Instead of giving peo-
ple a greater share of the wealth
they produced, corporations, on
many occasions, have encouraged
immigration from cther countries
to “eep the ‘‘locais’’ down and
deflate their demands.

When criticizing Canada’s im-
migration policies, it is of the ut-
most importance to distinguish
between the immigrants who,
regardless of the color of their
skin, come to this country with
high hopes, willing to work hard
for a better life and those who
permit them to come for the sole
purpose of dragging us down to
third world level.

We must befriend these people
and make them allies, not victims.
They are not the enemy. The
enemy is Mulroney’s corporate
agenda.

Ernie Crist
Alderman
District of North Vancouver

Accident report skewed

Dear Editor:

Lam dismayed the full facts
of the Mt. Seymour Parkway
traffic accident last year were
not presented to the public
with all the prevailing  cir-
cumstances printed.

ts ic not of some significance
that five young persons were
huddled in a small car, alcohol
consumption had occurred (in-
cluding the car’s driver) and
that a left hand turn was made
from the most distant lane?
Surely Mr. Gordon cannot be
held totally responsible for this

tragic accident.
J was present at the court
trial and saw the shaken state

of the young man who will,

very obviously, carry this
burden indelibly throughout his
life.

{t was irresponsible of you,
North Shore News, to print the
incident so one-sidedly; if the
case justified your front page
fairness surely was due to both
parties.

Sylvia Todd
North Vancouver

THAT RACKET ?

WELL,NO... ACTUALLY, PRANCER,
SLIPPED ON AN OLD FRISBEE.

WHEN WE LANDED...

A

LRIGHT Now.

Collins and Wright attempt to
illuminate issues of the day

Dear Editor:

To all of the anti-racist, anti-
Doug Collins semanticists who
rallied against the North Shore
News’ past and continuing
publication of columnist Doug
Collins:

Mr. Collins’ views and well-
substantiated, factual reports are
offending only to those such as
yourselves who cannot accept evi-
dence that many societies in
Canada, the U.S. and other na-
tions are suffering both economi-
cally and sociaily from an acceler-
ated, unnatural rate of immigra-

tion.

AS governments continue to
force indigenous people to step
aside and allow massive,
unregulated amounts of im-
migrants to take up residence in
cities jacking the resources to
adequately feed, shelter, employ
and provide medical care for those
already there, an obvious, unat-
tractive reaction is the result.

Both Doug Collins and Noel
Wright attempt to educate and il-
luminate, and the North Shore
News provides a forum for this.
To label either Collins or Wright

racist and to accuse the North
Shore News of providing ‘the fuel
and the vehicle to propagate rac-
ism..."* (Siavash Alamouti, North
Shore News, Dec. I1) is ex-
tremism.

Mr. Collins and Mr. Wright
have their right, under the Cana-
dian Constitution, to pen any
opinions and facts they consider
relevant, just as anyone else has
the right to disagree and have
views published. This is freedom
of speech.

Dave Matthews
North Vancouver