44 - Sunday, March 27 , 1988 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES Engagement ring causes dilemma DEAR MISS MANNERS — Well, my heart goes thum- pity-thump whenever she’s near, so this fongtime bachelor is contemplating the purchase of a ring with which to make my intentions clear to my lady. Diamond rings are sold aot only in Jewelry shops and at the jewelry sectlons of quatity department stores, but also al the discount variety shop and catalogue store, and even via TV shopping net- works. I certainly want to make the proper impression, but I also have a prudent and thrifty nature, Just what are the advantages and disadvantages of buying an engagement ring at such establishments? Not that such a question should come into play at this moment, | suppose, Alas, it scems that my imagined scene — the gentleman drops dewn one one knee, proffers the lady a ring in w velvet box and then “‘pops the question’? — is but manners Judith Martin -'a myth. : It would seem. that with the credit systems and merchandising practices of today, a ring obtained dn advance'can always be exchang-: : .ed Inter.to more, closely match ‘the -: lady's . preference, “or . returned should the offer be.declined, no? . Even.” worse, “from: this :tradl--. -onalist’s : point: of :-view,. isthe: ":“courtship form’’. revealed to us -by TV. and film — the ‘‘modern’’ “way. {o propose is: by concealing. the ring. in an object, a piece of ‘cooked food.-(a dinner roll?)' or ‘even a dressing-robe pocket. * What’s’.a, fellow. to do nowa- ‘days? ; “ ‘GENTLE READER — Well, Miss _ ‘Manners certainly wouldn’t advise ‘a fellow to bake a metal and min-- ‘eral object into anything he plann- ‘ed to serve as dinner to-a lady he Jprofesses to care about. - “It would "be. equally inappropri- ‘ate“to get-your consumer advice “from an etiquette adviser, so Miss Manners presumes that your ques- tion about where to buy the ring has to do with whether you need a box proving that you paid full price for it. Certainly not. Your fiancee may approve of your thrift or you could simply dispense with the box and slip the ring on her finger after her acceptance, That is still a charming and memorabic gesture, although the more practical-minded among us keep pointing out that the lady may prefer her own taste. Indeed, and she may be prohibited by the sentiment of the occasion from ¢x- ercising it to exchange the ring. Still Miss Manners thinks that the delightful fact that you want to make a full ceremony of the occa- sion, ring and all, makes it worth the risk. You ought to be able to salvage the practicality, too, by saying after (and in spite of) her exclamations of delight, “Of course, I chose this as a symbol — let’s go back to have it sized and see if there is a ring you might like better.”’ : DEAR MISS MANNERS — I en- joy creating special occasions, in- viting people whom I tike and respect to have Sunday afternoon lunch in my home, [ invited four friends who have daughters be- tweea eight and 10, all of whom are intelligent, attractive and ac- tive. Each friend accepted by tele- phone. On the morning of the day for which the luncheon was planned, one of the guests called to say that a friend had asked her to-do some- thing else, and that she and. her 929-0235 Quitogian Renewals “The ALTERNATIVE I. /]f ‘Wellington For Collision and Comprehensive per | fough the _ IRWIN & BILLINGS tnsuzance acency (A DIVISION OF VINCENT, STEWART & VINCENT LTD.) 4, You may save money “9, Six month policies available . 3. CONVENIENT INTEREST FREE payment plan 7 Open Mon-Fri. ° 9-8:30 “Sat, Gd Serving the North Shore for over 80 years 1900 LONSDALE, N.VAN. 988-1148 daughter would come to see me on the following Sunday. } thanked her for calling, but explained that 1 would not be at home the following Sunday. My problem is that I feel guilty. However, the guests who did at- tend have made me feel so very good that I am tending to transfer my guilt to the mother and daugh- ter who did not attend, CARDINALAND WILDAPPLES Should § include them next year with the 11 to 13-year-olds and their mothers? GENTLE READER —~ You feel guilty? It seems to Miss Manners that you have given a rare and charming event, and reacted with restraint. 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