4 - Sunday, May 12, 2955 - North Shore News

NEWS BRIEFS

prt a eee da ty

Smoke and mirrors

couple of days before the last federal elec-
tion, a foul-up happened on my calendar.
Flaving pencilled something into the wrong
square, I came up with the shocking (and mistaken)
discovery that I had one more column to write

before the voting started.

Gosh. 1 had already used
up my fast drop of venom on
the loathsome Liberals, driv-
ing, | believed, a stake into
the heart of the failed Turner
love doll. { had abandoncd
the NDP and switched to the
Tories for the first time since
Diefenbaker.

Having laid my vacillating
political soul bare, what
more could ! do before the
vote?

As it was, ! held my breath
so i'd get all swollen and puf-
fy like a bullfrog, and let fly
with one last anti-Liberal tan-
trum, losing the last couple
of left-of-centre friends 1 had
in the universe.

{ got the diatribe in on
deadline, but thankfully, the
next morning, my beloved
editor, Noel Wright, called to
tell me: ‘‘Thanks a lot, but it
really isn’t necessary, old
chap.”

The election had passed. {
was crestfallen. Such a waste
of venom!

“Don’t worry,’? Noel ad-
vised. “Save it for the next
election and just change the
names of the parties. We can
run it then. Cheers."” °

At the time, I chuckled and

" shook my head because I
thought what he said was real
funny. Thinking. about it in
the seven months since then,
it has finally dawned on me,
-however, that, indeed, that’s
the way life is, isn’? it? Thank
you, Noel. ;

“know, despite the best in-
tentions of remaining utterly
objective. about the perfor-
mance of our, Tories in power

4p Ottawa, 1) have. already.
become” upset. with “John --:

. Fraser, and he’s such ‘a nice
guy. Smart, too. U6.
‘And Joe Clarke as Exter-

nal. Affairs": Minister has *:

- brought’:out. some. of ‘the.

worst of the ‘old -Make:fun-*.

- .of-the-wimp ‘: reflexes,.- even

though I'd vowed to get off .

that schtick:
Heavens knows I was one

of .the zillions who con-

templated revolution: if: the

Liberals “had. got back ‘in’

again, yet i knew all along, in
my heart of heart, 1 wasn’t

going to -be ate to replace |

them with anything’ actually
very much better.

‘We..were down to what
they call. in. marketing
“marginal differentiation.’’
You want a shade of arctic
blue? How about a slightly
paler shade of arctic blue?
.Let’s check the polls here to
ee what's selling. -..° =. *-
JA part of me cried: ‘lt
doesn’t matter! It’s a game!’’
Same forces at work. Same
program. If you know what I
mean.

This line of thought leads
obviously to despair.
Therefore, | try to avoid it. [
told’ myself: ‘Under the
Tories, there will be at least a
minor improvement in the
way a few things are done,
there will be more diabolical
tricks tried than ever, mostly

.- there'll be a lot of stagnation,

helluva lot. worse...”’,

but there is an outside chance
things might improve
drastically, and at least the
key players will change.”

I needed a new political
soap. The World Turns Ac-
cording to Pierre had worn
thin.

So far, 1 can honestly say
the Tories haven't disap-
pointed me.

If Lean be forgiven for say-
ing this, | can explain the
reason for the Tories’ conti-
nuing bouyancy in the polls,
despite their failure to have
done very much. Acid rain?
Star Wars? A weird ime we
live in, eh?

You see, as far as the
Tories are concerned, for
most of us Canadians, this is
a second niarriage. Maybe
even a third.

Many, if not most of you,

will know exactly what I

" mean.

The first time around, it’s
all smoke and mirrors, selec-
tive perception, low lights
and profound raps,. right?
Next time it will be all of the
above, except that you will
also be seriously wondering:
“Can i live with this person?
Will he/she/it bite?”

By the chird time, I im-
agine, you're examining
every pore under a
microscope and demanding a

-psychological screening
before you even shake hands. ..

As you go along, your ex-
pectations fall off
dramatically. I guess it’s a

Sign of maturity. Of course, -

each time, you think, “Holy. ~
‘mackeral,- this ‘is a religious...”
-experience!’? But you. also:
think: ‘Weil, he/she/it isn’t.

perfect, Lut things could be

Just speaking: for: my:

.that’s pretty: much .how.it-is:
-between me and the. Tories” -

right now. Compared . to
previous. Tory administra-

X

f

CONS

ww

tions, at. least in my lifetime, -

the Mulroney gang almest
shines. They haven't entirely
thrown themselves upon their
mandate yet. They have pro-
bably started to bleed to
death in some undefined
way, but it will be a tong
bleeding, I predict.

“Do iT |
YOURSELF”

., Or. -
HAVE.IT. DONE

ISTENTLY HIGH QUALITY AT REASONABLE RATES

Gabinet Shop

1300 Lloyd Ave., N. Van. 985-9527
Hours: Mon.-Fri./9:30-5, Sat. 10-4

Hearing
Problems?  __
Call us at 875-O277

- Pacific Hearing Clinic
§14-2525 Willow St. at Broadway
Hours: 9-7 Mon-Sat
Neil Walton MSc: Audidiogist _
Harold Janzen MSc. Audiologist:

The question is: Should 1
save that column about the
Grits and just change the
label to Tories before the
next election? Patronage?
Fisheries? Trade? Unemploy-
ment? Hm.

The point is, we feel we
love Brian just because he’s
not all that totally horren-
dous. I mean, you don’t have
to put a bag over his head.
Not quite. For this very
reason, unromantic and uns-
cientific as it may be, I think
this just might be the beginn-
ing of a long-term thing,
smoke and mirrors
notwithstanding.

Matine Or

Reynaids
rt Cabinets

7
Mometown a

z

ri