RECENTLY, THIS space introduced you to the joys of
“Femlish,’’ that being my term for gender-neutral, politi-
cally-correct language as laid down by your provincial

government.

I can now report that the gov-
ernmental hint has been taken by
Wimp Major, aka the Vancouver
Sun, whose top editress, Patricia
Graham, has been issuing instruc-
tions on how to write ‘‘in these
changing times.””

Offensive words like
“mankind’’ are a no-no, of
course, as is ‘‘spokesman’’ and
indeed almost anything with the
dreaded ‘‘man’”’ word in it. So
“man and wife” has been banish-
ed. Use husband and wife or wife
and husband.

Titillating descriptions are also
out (possibly because Person Pat

* doesn’t like the crude initial sylla-

: ble). So are expressions like ‘told

: wives’ tales’’ and sexual stereo-
types ike ‘‘grandmotherly,’’

: “masculine,’’ and ‘‘manly.’*

: Tit or no tit (as in titillation),

: Person Pat is on to a good thing.

; So 1 waat to help by directing her

+ attention to a recently published

: book called The Official Political-

: ly Correct Dictionary and Hand-

? book, written by Henry Beard and

: Christopher Cerf and published in

i the U.S.

The word ‘‘black’’ is now of-

: fensive. Instead, we have ‘‘Atri- |
can-Canadians.’’ But animals

- have feelings, too, and the authors

} point out we shouid no longer talk

' about cats and dogs. Use Canine
Canadian and Feline Canadian.
As with blacks, so with Jews,
many regarding ‘‘Jew’’ as a no-

: no. Say ‘‘Jewish persons’’ or
“Jewish people.”

Doug
Collins

ON THE OTHER HAND

I recall that The Jew of Malta
was a play by Christopher
Marlowe. Change that title to The
Jewish Person of Malta.

Boyfriend, girifriend, wife,
husband and spouse have all come
under suspicion, times changing so
fast. Therefore, use the gender-
neutral word ‘‘companion.”’ (‘‘I
hereby pronounce you companion
and companion.’’)

“Crippled’’ went out long ago.
Only old farts like me would say
they were crippled if they were
crippled. That has been replaced
by “handicapped.”’ But it too is
moving into the murk. The trend
is to state that a person is ‘‘dif-
ferently-abled."’

In the same way we should say

that fatties are ‘‘differently siz-
ed.”

A new word that takes a bit of
thinking about is ‘‘coself.’’ It has
been suggested by a fem writer
named Mary Oravan as a

. gender-neutral term for himself,

herself.

As the authors point out, with
“coself’’ on the loose it would be
correct to use expressions like
“‘Wilma advised Charlie to go f...
coself.”’

I have heard rumors that Per-
son Pat is about to hire Person
Mary as a special adviser but so
far everyone on Wimp Major is
keeping a tight lip.

Manholes have presented a
problem on account of the offen-
sive first syllable. ‘‘Femholes”’ is a
feminine alternative. Personhole
would be better.

In these changing times one
must at all costs avoid giving of-
fence. So one could not say that
Person Pat is stupid (which of
course she isn’t, being an editress
and al}). {t would aiso be wrong
for an angry cab-driver to say
“move it, stupid.”

The proper expression is ‘‘cere-
brally challenged.”’ As the book
has it, an angry, politically-
correct cabbie would say:

“Move it, cerebrally challeng-
ed.””

In the same spirit, do not say
that a person is bald. Prefer ‘‘he
is follicularly chalienged.’” Man-
slaughter is out, too. Person-
slaughter is in.

“Pimp” is unthinkable. Say
‘individuals holding positions in
the sexual work force."’

“Persons of color’’ is a term
much loved by Girl Guides on

Residents volunteer as peace-keepers

‘FIVE NORTH Shore resi-

: dents may be off to war-

~torn Croatia and Bosnia-
Hercegovina to help restore
peace to the former
Yugosiav federation
republics.

Three of the North Shore resi-
denis are B.C. Army Reservists
who have been called to volunteer
their peace-keeping services
overseas while the two others are
based at Canadian Forces Base
Chilliwack.:

: In June, 111 volunteers had of-
fered to serve with the 3rd Bat-
talion, Princess Patricia's Cana-

dian Light Infantry (PPCLI
assigned to the United Nations
Protection Force in what has been
called Operation Harmony.

Preference was given to those
trained in combat areas and to
military engineers.

The !11 were screened for trade
qualifications _ and physical and
psychological fitness. About 100,
including the five from the North
Shore, have made it to the second
screening stage. They will undergo
two months of intensive training
with the 3rd Battalion, PPCLI, at
Work Point Barracks in Es-
quimalt.

The five North Shore residents
currently undergoing training are

Warrant Officer Craig McLead,

EE

Master Cp!. Cam Stephens, Cpl.
Angeline Geiger and from CFB
Chilliwack, Cpl. Lauren Skibinsky
and Cpl. Newshan.

If the five are selected to go to
Croatia and Bosnia-Hercegovina
they will serve for about one year.

“Their task thas simply been
defined as service for the United
Nations as required, probably in
the republics of Croatia and
Bosnia-Hercegovina, in what
promises to be a tough and dan-
gerous . assignment,”’ said Maj.
Peter Moogk.

E.C. Army Reservists have al-
ready been employed in Canada’s
peacekeeping forces at Cyprus and
at Golan Heights.

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Wednesday, July 8, 1992 - North Shore News - 9

Staying PC. in ‘these changing times’

Wimp Major when referring to
blacks and such like. But isn’t
that discriminatory? What about
whites? My book says ‘‘persons of
non-color”’ is the right term,
especially for Wasps.

It points out, too, that a nice
way of referring to other races is
to call them ‘‘sun people.’’ Person
Pat may work for The Sun but
she is not a sun person. Sun per-
sons are Africans, Latin Ameri-
cans, etc.

Idi Amin was a great sun per-
son, even though many saw him
as 4 great mud person.

The verb ‘‘to manage’’ is out

because it has you-know-what in
it. Say ‘‘womage,”’ especially
when the managing is done by a
woman. For obvious reasons,
“twomanager’’ is not acceptable.

Person Pat attributes Wimp
Major’s great advance in political
correctness and gender-neutrality
to the untiring efforts of a com-
mittee that included Kim Bolan,
Karen Gram, Jennifer Gray-
Grant, Murray MacMillan and
Ron Riter.

Great stuff, girls. ‘Have a good
gush.

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