pone en

ihe ae eens erent ar ae ee ae hall re ean me

raert TC saderatea? awa vahenes? -

"7

C6 - Sunday News, September 27, 1981

QUESTION: Fm_ feeling
very confused and hope-you
can give me a clear answer.

You have often ‘said,
“Don't have expectations of
others.” Isn't. trust: built on
expectations?

I have often felt that trust
is something earned
earned by being dependable.
(Or, in other words, living up
to expectations).

I have been deeply hurt by
someone I love and have lost
all trust In him. If a good
relationship equals trust and

trust equals expectations
fulfilled, how do you rebuild

when trast fs gone? How do —

you have trust | without

a cxpecrations?

Sounds very complicated

but I hope you understand .

what I'm trying to ask.

STEWART: I believe you
are referring to a phrase in
the Love Principles, which,
correctly quoted, urges all of
us to “have no SPECIFIC
expectations (of others or of
ourselves) “but rather,
abundant expectancy.”
Trust is readily built on
“abundant expectancy,” but
it tends not to thrive on
“specific expectations.” That
is, trust, and love too, are far
more likely to blossom
within people who have
abundant expectancy and
‘are, therefore, people with
positive, hopeful and op-

timistic attitudes. However,
when that. abundant ex-
pectancy becomes, instead,
an attitude that says you
must do and be what I
specifically expect of you or
I will be unwilling to trust
and love you, then it
becomes something rather
close to control, rather than
trust, and emotional black-
mail rather than love.

You say, “I have been
deeply hurt by someone I
love and have lost all trust in
him.” May I suggest that if
you were telling it like it is
you might rather say, “I am
hurting myself because I find
it difficult to love and trust
someone who does not meet

ask hayden stewart

QUESTION: In the midst of
a fuss with my 14 year old
son, he told me, heatedly,
that he and his brother and
sister are all “driven nuts” by
their mother and father
saying, so often, “we were
always taught.....”

’ Darn it all, I think we were
taught pretty well. How can
three young kids claim to be
driven nuts by our sharing
with them what we know to
be a pretty good way of life?

STEWART: That “pretty
good way of life” needs to be
shared with kids in the here
and now with fun and joy.
You see, to them, whatever

“

our

children well

‘you “were always taught,”
comes tottering out of the
olden days. What you were
taught back before the Flood
is not important to them.

What you LEARNED
(way back in history) and are
now able to share with them
as a way that is working for

‘you, can be very helpful to
them (even if they don't
seem to accept it). However
it is. more than likely they
will reject it out of hand if
you stress that it is
“something you were always
taught.” They are really not
interested in what they see as
a pet theory resurrected out
of the dim past.

Lashes

STUDIO
....Fingernails long & elegant in one

appointment

I've been biting my nails for about 20 years (I'm only 21),
and | just haven't been able to kick the habit. ['ve tried false
stick-on nails, bad-tasting lotions and creams, band-aids —

but nothing worked .

until now!

The process at NAILS 'N LASHES is simple and relaxing. It

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-624.
for appointments for individual. family or group counselling.

FRESH SOLE FILLETS
FRESH COD FILLETS
-FRESH BBQ SALMON TIPS

COCKTAIL SHRIMP

HEINZ CATSUP 11 oz
HEINZ BABY FOOD 4% oz

FRESH BREAD 20 oz. _Loat

832 W. 15th, N. Van.

Next Door to Work Warehouse

SEAFOOD BARGAINS

FRESH SMOKED BLK. ALASKA COD
FRESH FROZEN HALIBUT STEAKS

WHOLE REX SOLE PAN READY

LING COD STEAKS 1.49 LB.
RAINBOW TROUT 8 oz. 1.59 EA.
PINK SALMON 3-5 Ib. 1.99 LB.
SOCKEYE SALMON 3.49 LB.

GROCERY SPECIALS

CAMPBELLS CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP 10 fl.oz
HABITANT CHICKEN RICE 14 fl.oz

CHRISTIES CHOCOLATE COOKIES 450 gr
PURITY ALL PURPOSE FLOUR 10 Kg.
KINGSFORD COAL BRIGQUETTS 454 Kg.

SEAWEST SEAFOODS 1.1: 985-5156

inet: nna 7 + ern

my specific expectations,

and I feel ashamed and:

scared.”

No one “earns” my love or
trust by being “dependable.”
If that were so, my love or
trust would be watered down
to something conditional. 1
would be saying, if you meet
my conditions, then you will
have earned my lave and
trust. If you don’t meet my
specific expectations, then I
withdraw my love and trust.”

Do you love the man or
don’t you? If you want to
love him, receive him as he
is. No deals. Love is not
based on IF YOU.... THEN
I. Trust who he IS and save
yourself the heavy burden of
‘trying’ to trust him despite
his performance. “Have no
specific expectations, but
rather, abundant ex-
pectancy” — and trust, and
love. It is the specific ex-
pectation that screws up
relationships.

Why not choose abundant
expectancy and let your
specific expectations have a
rest from hurting you?

2.99 LB.
1.99 LB.
3.99 LB.
2.95 LB.
2.49 LB.
5.95 LB.
99¢ LB.

3Tins .99
3Tins 1.00
-88
.29
1.59
5.99
2.99
59

takes about two hours and there's no pain. First the technician
puts forms on your fingers to shape new nails, and adds a li-
quid and a powder The excitement mounts as cach naj) takes
shape and fingers become almost pretty ~~

The first hand is finished — I'm part lady' (I keep checking
my arm to make sure it's really my hand at the end).

The second hand ts compieted and the aails look rcal!
They're my hands, but | can't believe 1 To top it off. they ash

ME_ yes ME. someone who has never had nails in her life.
what colour nail polish | want

Well 10 minutes later
had a hand transplant
and shape

its all finished and I'm sure [ just
My stubby little hands have beauty

They tell me te try and bite my acw nath but 1 cant even
think of putiiag my hands in my mouth Never again’

The nails are pertipancot and just great for anyone whe has
split broken chewed and unsightly fingernails
worry about washing dishes typing of
would usually cause broken nails

And dont
any activities thal
Iheac cant break cantly

As this miracie was being performed on me another ‘Lady
was heving hor nail filled in She contessed to me that she s
been coming to Nails N Lashes for 2°o year and no one not
cven her husband knows that ber fingernasts are aot her very
own The ncw nails ‘grow with your cogular nails and can be

ARTIST AT WORK might be the caption for this picture Nails
‘N Lashes studio at 1124 Lonsdale. concentrating on making
thelr customer's nails shapely. strong — and beautiful

manicured, after three or four weeks of this ‘growth’ it is advis-
ed that one returns for the fill1n. This is a reshaping and ap-
plying of the chemical to the back side of your fingernails thus
returning your hand to its magnificent clegance and pro-
moting further uninterrupted growth of your natural nail

I found the studio tasteful and an oasis of comfort |

couldn't have spent a more relaxing Couple of hours A special

thank you to (the panent technician responsible for
transformation

my
Nails (N Lashes studio a open Monday to Saturday and
evening appotntmneats can be arranged Bor your appointment
call O&” 99045 CRobson A Bute 200 ONS Oak & 4480) 980 S79"
(North Shore) aad capencace your own transformation
PS PT recommend you have someone drive you home l

almost had an accident going through a rod Light) | was look
tng at my hands

ADVI

chetres

KEN OXENHAM.
PHOTOGRAPHY

"988-0173

Most Custom Fabrics

5 yards or more

Re-Uphoistery Examples:

Standard Chesterfield Standard Armchair

Labour - 295 00 Labour - 185 00

10 yds at ds at

$20 per 200 00 $20 per 100 00

TOTAL - 495.00 TOTAL - 296.00
Extra Charge tor skirts back Cushions new foam cubber

Special etyioa and sepairs

Cashion

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iraceRiors LtO

3050 Mountain Highway, North Vancouver

Tue-Fri - 9:00-5:30
988-1220

Sat - 10:00-5:00
CLOSED MONDAY