42 - Wednesday, February 21, 1990 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES Stop circling the Vacation in calendar Q. 1 AM 25 and have been married five years. All that time — enjoy! my husband and I have been trying to have a baby. I know that certain days on the calendar are the likeliest for getting pregnant, but by the time these days roll around I just don’t want to have sex. It feets like a chore. it shouldn't feel like that, I know, but it does, { try to get more into the mood with a glass of wine or a nice bath but these don’t seem to help. ask Dr. Ruth Dr. Ruth Westheimer A. Often people grow tense about those certain days when they are supposed to have sex in order to conceive. Your problem is well known. What you call not feeling like it, or having it feel like a chore, is very probably the product of tension, of the fear of not con- ceiving. Naturally, if a sexual encounter becomes a duty, it loses some of its appeal, and if you are worrying about getting pregnant each and every time, you lose sex-sharing as a form of intimate pleasure. Try this: For a year, just have sex when you want to, and stop circling those certain days on your calendar. Put your worries out of mind with this thought: If you don’t get pregnant in the ordinary course of things during this year, you can always try to be artificially impregnated with your husband’s sperm. If nothing happens during the year, then you can go to a fertility clinic for that procedure. With the pressure to get pregnant off both you and your husband, you may very well get just what you want. Meanwhile, concentrate on en- joyment. Q. I am divorced, a singie parent, and would like to remarry some day, but a certain doubt holds me back from starting rela- Includes Ruconor jackets. tow ropes etc. BANKRUPTCY SALE Sports/Waterski Shop 40% - 60% off jackets, wetsuits. ski vests, waterski clothing, swimwear, cycling shorts, 3 O'Brien water skis, V/ ? Auctions 984-3388 1175 West 15th Street (at Pemberton) North Van tionships. I can do intercourse very well, and I can keep an erection as long as needed — but I just don’t enjoy intercourse much. Other ways of sharing sex with a lady are much more exciting and pleasurable for me. Can € hope to find a woman who will accept this kind of sex- uality in a husband? My ex has planted doubts about my sexuality that are really troubling me. A. You have to accept it yourself — that’s your problem. There are plenty of women who will be glad to have a man who can perform as well as you, so long as you are willing to have intercourse for your partner’s sake. You should make sure that she can en- joy a varied sexual menu. {t often happens that a man has to Jearn ways of making inter- course more pleasurable for his temale partner. But sometimes the couple have to work together to make this kind of sex-sharing more pleasurable for the man, and very possibly you and a female partner could find ways to enhance the act for you — if you are willing to read some sex manuals, to try various positions, to exchange confidences with your partner about what you would like that in- tercourse doesn’t seem to offer. Sometimes someone who is con- scious of enjoying other things in the sexual repertoire more than the reproductive act lets doubts about his or her sexuality grow out of proportion. These are not to be eradicated just by telling yourself **Don't be silly.”’ I think you should talk to a psychotherapist who has some ex- perience dealing with this kind of self-doubting or wondering. Q. For years my busband had severe erectile difficulty. Then we went to 2 sex therapist and learned ways to improve his capacity for erections, and now about two- thirds of the time he achieves a most adequate one. I find fantasy is a great enhancer of sexual performance, for me, but I can’t persuade him of this. He says fantasizing would make him guilty about ‘‘cheating.’’ How can I get him to overcome this feeling? A. That may be too difficult. Let him try this: Let him bring back to his mind memories of you when you were especially arousing to him, or perhaps let him invent scenes that are very arousing with you as the woman instead of envi- sioning another woman. This has worked successfully for many men who felt it was wrong to fantasize about other women. sweatshirts, 14 floater West Van WINE TASTING, dancing demonstrations, a slide show on exotic places and a patio pool par- ty with dancing, entertainme:.1, drinks and snacks are just part of plans for an upcoming event spon- sored by West Vancouver Parks and Recreation Department. The ‘tone night vacation’’ for adults of all ages will be held at the West Vancouver Senior Activity Centre and has a theme similar to that of Club Med. Participants can choose from several spoil-yourself workshops, demonstrations and activities. The event is scheduled for Thursday, March ! from 7 to 11 p.m. and is open to anyone age 19 and over. Tickets must be purchased in advance and are on sale now at the West Vancouver Recreation Cen- tre, West Vancouver Seniors Ac- tivity Centre and West Vancouver Aquatic Centre for $10/person (includes child care if needed). For more information call 926- 3266. eran a “4 made a New Year’s resolution to lose 414 Ibs, Nutri/System helped me keep it.” DR. GLENDA WONG is pleased to announce the opening of her DENTAL PRACTICE at 3738 Mt. Seymour Parkway, N.Vancouver {above Mac's) Hours: Mon-Sat. 9-530 Evenings by appointment New Patients Welcome Ph. 929-7499 EXPERIENCED FURNITURE MOVER Required by Ferguson Moving & Storage. 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