To catch a (tall) thief | Tune into

MICHAEL Couiter, 32, was
arrested for shoplifting in
Cookstown, Ireland, having
made off with shoes, socks and
boxer shorts.

Couiter was not difficult to
spat during his getaway. He is
reported to be the tallest man
in Ireland,’ at 7-foot-5. Said
one officer, “Everyone knows
him, and you can sce him com-
ing a mile away.”

Darlie Routier, recently
convicted ir, Texas of murder-
ing her five-year-old son, but
indignantly insisting that she is
innocent: “If I had (killed
him), I would be the first per-

“son to stand up and say, ‘Oh,
my gosh!”
eee

A University of New

_ Hampshire business major, in a

‘letter to the school newspaper,

blamed his recent drunken dri-

ving on a police crackdown on
- underage drinking in the uni-

versity’s home of Durham.

“" Because he has to drive to
. another. city to drink, the stu-

dent. wrote, “(I) can expect to
be doing a lot more drunk dri-

ving.” ae

: eee |

vania —
Comedy club customer’ Judy
K Scrough, seething at insults
* about “:where she is from
“ (Arkansas) : by comedian © Al
Romero, -walked to the stage
and slugged him. ;
:; “7 And in other comical news,
comedian. ‘Timothy Ward has
filed a lawsuit in New York City
against.Prince Ranier of
Monaco,:.who Ward_ says
ped him during a 1995
show in which he was making
- fun: of. the prince’s son’s bald

"Lancaster, Pennsyh

Bowling. Green _ State
© Universizy . instructor Patrick
~ Stearns, /32, was suspended

after. allegedly punching a.25-
year-old: student. who showed
-up late for Stearns’ class.
:. And the Medical Board of
”. California has issued a_ public
~ reprimand against Dr. Edward
A. Tirisdewaite for slapping a
nine-year-old boy he was treat-
ing for attention deficit disor-
der. . .
o@

‘+ World-renowned ‘composer
_Jon J. Polifrone, 59, sent a let-

J. ter to 2,500 colleagues in clas-

sical music announcing he was
* abruptly quitting the .business
‘ ‘and limiting the availability of
his work, solely because admin-
*- istrators at Virginia Polytechnic
: Institute (where he is a profes-
sor) toid him he needs to
spend more time on his teach-
ing.
FColleagues interviewed by
the Roanvke Times said the VPI
review was merely a suggestion
and that he was not in danger
of losing his job.

Leonia, New | Jersey —
Maria Graef became so
enraged. when her next-door
“neighbor's sprinkler was form-
ing a puddle in her yard that

"she rammed. his garage with
her car and then barricaded
herself in her home for 20
hours in a standoff with police.

After attempting — several
schemes to get her out, police
goi the idca to turn on Graet’s
own sprinkler, which enraged
her so much that she came run-
ning out of the house in her
nightgown and was captured

NEWS OF THE
WEIRD

and charged with — several
crimes.

In 1978 the Oakland
Raiders’ Jack Tatuss: made a
‘clothesline” hit on New
England Patriots’ receiver

Darryl Stingley’s neck, causing
permanent paraivsis.

At the time, Tatum arro-
gandy defended the play as
legal and warned other oppo-
nents that they could expeer
the same.

In January 1997, Tatum
applied for disability benefits of
$156,000 a year from the NFI.
Players’ Association, pointing
to the mental anguish he has
suffered having to live with the
incident. (The $156,000 “cat-
astrophic injury” category is
the NFLPA’s highest; it is the
same category that Stingley is
in.)

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Welfare workers recently
found a 50-year-old man living
alone in 2 cave in Ifsahan
province in Iran. According to
the workers, he had moved
there 30 years ago when his
wife dumped him.

the sounds
of Spring

MARNI Johnson and Paul Fester will
play a flure and tuba duet on
Saturday, March 15. Theirs is one of
several performances in Spring Magic,
a benefit concert at the Mount
Seymour United Church, 1200
Parkgate, North Van, starting ar 8
p.m. Net proceeds from the concert
will be donated to North Shore Crisis
Services Society, to help fund art and
music therapy programs tor children
in abusive home situations. Tickets,
$8 and $6, are available by calling
987-1773 or 929-2146.

PAUL Fester will break from his
duties as bandmaster of North
Vancouver Youth Band to pick

up the tuba and play with flautist
Marni Johnson this Saturday.

It’s the luck of the Irish to be at

Lonsdale Quay this Sunday io celebrate

St. Patrick’s Day. Put on a shamrock and

kick up your heels as The Comerford School
of Irish Dancing performs at 1:00 pm and

1:45 pm. Followed by the charming sounds

of Celtic Medley from 2:00 pm to 4:00 pm,

in the Market Rotunda.

Free balloons courtesy of Celtic Creations.

And remember, theres free parking all day on weekends.

2 hours free with validation on weekdays.

For more information call 985-6261.