LIFESTYLES Two thank-you letters are often appropriate DEAR MISS MANNERS ~-- Twe friends gave me custom-made shirts for my birthday. On the day itself, I was escorted te the shop to be fitted, and then informed that the shirts would be ready in eight to 10 weeks. Shouid I send a thank-you card sow, or when they are picked up sad paid for? GENTLE READER — The truth is that it wouldn’t kill you to write two letters (note: letters, not cards) for such a handsome pres- ent. One would say how thrilled you were with the idea, and the se- cond how beautiful the shirts turn- ed out to be. Yes, Miss Manners knows how difficult it is for you to crank out even one letter. Since your benefactors accompanied you to the fitting, Miss Manners assumes you slobbered all .over them with gratitude then, to the point of soaking the shirt-maker’s sampies. In that case, you could wait until the shirts artive to write to them. - DEAR MISS MANNERS — My wife and I were married last fall, sad she took my last name. Her ' gao sons by her first husband have his lust name. “Fhe elder boy will celebrate bis bar emiitzvah, and we sre planning te invite about. 100 guests to. the - geremony and tua reception at 2 ‘restaurant. The guests will inclade the boy’s father and his four greaiparents. Some of the guests wilt recognize our last. name’ but not the boy’s. Others, suck. as friends of the boy's grandparents,. will recognize nei- ' ther jast name, knowing ouly my wife’s maiden name. Do we put on. the invitstion - “Mr. and Mrs. Newanme cordially Performance From page 35 Housing, municipal governments, foundations and service clubs, the Centre. still relies heavily upon the . . continded commitment of its yol- unteers and donations from ‘the public. Rick Poltaruk is a volunteer siaternal:' invite you to the bar mitzvah of their son, Master Oldname™ or ‘‘Master Oldname and tis parents, Mr. and Mrs. Newname, cordially invite...” or ‘“‘Master Oldname cordially invites you to his bar mitzvah... end to a reception hested by his parents’? There does not appear tc be a way to get my wife’s maiden name into the invitation, so we would pian to allow her parents to insert a personal note for these who wouldn’t recognize Oldrame or Newname. GENTLE READER -- A 13- miss rranners Judith Martin year-old boy may achieve religious maturity, but he is not entrusted by the social authorities to give a formal reception (as opposed to an ordinary birthday party) in honor of himself. You must therefore issue the invitations, as Mr. and Mrs. Newname, on the occasion of the bar mitzvah of her (not “their”? — the boy’s father will be present) son, Adam Jonathan Oldname. That’s two surnames right there. The grandparents can enclose their card, DEAR MISS MANNERS — I em 13 years oM. Ore problem I am writing to you about is mine, -and the other is my five-year-old sister’s. ; Mine is that I have two younger cousins who come to my house and ask me for my ‘oys. They have. been doing this for a long time now. When I say no, , they offer me money. I stiii say no. If they asked their mother for money to buy them, I would get in trouble with my mom for selling the toys to my cousins. At the end of their visit, they ask their mom to ask me to give them the toy. She asks, and I feel guiity and usually end up giv- ing it to them. My sister’s ,. cobiem is related to tie children in her kindergarten class. The kids are nasty and vio- tem, and they insult peonle, in- cluding her. My dad and step- mother bsve talked many times to her teacher, but the teacher doesn’t do anything. It is an expensive private school (I go to the same one), and the teacher says the other schools are even worse. My sister has stopped going to school, but she misses the nice things about it. Do you have any sugges- tions? GENTLE READER — Miss Manners blesses you for trying to solve your sister’s problem as well as your own, but you need on- the-spot adult help. Would you be so kind as to ask your parents if Miss Manners may speak to them for a moment? Thank you. . No matter how fervently one believes in making children solve differences among themselves, parents must step in to protect them from blackmail and violence. The outrage of a grown-up allowing her children to demand others’ toys — auch less her seconding such demands — must be challenged by an adult. It is not enough for the hostess to insist on her childs’ being polite and not ac- cepting money. She must defend her child by telling the cousins’ mother (her sister?) to teach them the difference between sharing toys while visiting and asking for other people’s property. In the case of the five-year-old’s kindergarten class, parental com- plaints to the teacher were certain- ly the place to start. But that did not solve the problem, and making a five-year-old stay herne to avoid being mistreated is no solution, ei- ther. {f the teacher was unable to control the class, the problem shouid have been taken to the principal, and then, if necessary, to the school board. to benefit Crisis Centre : who's going the extra mile to sup- port the centre. A songwriter, ac- tor and singer who has been per- forming for many years in the city of Yellowknife, Poltaruk is per- forming 2 Thursday, July 20, benefit concert at North Van- - couver’s Centennial Theatre. All proceeds fsom the ticket sales will be donated to the Crisis Centre. Tickets are available at recCentre Lonsdale (987-PLAY). For more information on the Crisis Centre, or to volunteer your time, call the Crisis Business Line at 733-1171. a © $20 helps us buy a weekly bag of groceries for one family - © $60 helps sustain a fainily for one month =: ¢ $720 assists that same family for a year Piease help thoe:. in need. All donations are tax deductible. . 1 GHP Avi MALL WITH YOUR.GIET TODAY YES! | want to provids food for the hungry. t 0 s20 0860 $720 Othe $___3f Name = 1650 Quebec Street, __ Vancouver, BC. V6A 3L6 ue H: 6a9- 389-2603) Centre - 37 - Sunday, July 16, 1989 - North Shore News Qaca BODY? MIND?. Yy h SPIRIT2- -- W's For You Who are you? Find out — call This B'S the Dianetics hotline . 4-800-FOR-TRUTH (367-8788) NORTH VANCOUVER 986-0386 WEST VANCOUVER 926-5541 TIRED OF POLISHING BRASS? 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