Assault victim speaks out

Dear Editor:

This is not the normal type of
letter 1 would send to a paper; it
is also probably the hardest thing
I have ever done.

This letter is in support of the
women of courage who have been
sexually and physically assaulted
and are now coming forward
publicly.

1, too, was raped almost 10
years ago, and I know sexual
assault has a two-edged sword.
One is the actual assault and the
second is the wall of silence which
all victims are threatened by.

People may wonder why it is so
hard to speak out, but if you have
just been through a traumatic sit-
uation, one in which you are
rendered powerless, you will
believe the threats that the
predator throws at you, and you
will more likely than not live in
some sort of fear.

1 believe this ‘‘wall of silence’’
is, in fact, its own jail, which im-
prisons its victims with shame,
guilt and self-hatred.

Like a stone thrown into a
pond, the ripple effects not only
affect the victim, but alf those
with whom the victim may be
closely associated. The destruction
can be severe.

In my case, my self-destructive
behavior lasted for about two
years, not only with drinking, but
in an abusive relationship, which
in fact, only reinforced exactly what
I felt about myself at that time.

Sadly my three young children

were travelling down this road
with me. Foriunately, | hit rock
bottom and sought professional
help to help me climb out of the
“black hele’? that I had been
pushed into.

The final healing process for me
was a show on Knowledge Net-
work called Sexual abuse - both
Sides of the coin,

This was the first time [ was
truly aware of the terrible abuse
that male children can be forced
to endure (for some reason [ had
only seen females as the victims.)
It then made sense to me that the
person who had attacked me must
have himself been a victim,

That does not excuse what he
did to me, but somehow it made it
easier to understand. [ realized
that all the feelings of hatred,
revenge, etc. were hurting me
more than anyone else, and in
order to be free, { must let these
feelings go.

Like so many others, I ask
myself how this horror started and
when and how will it end.

My own feelings are that as a
society we must do at least two
things:

1. We must encourage all vic-
ums of abuse to speak out, no
matter what their age or their sex.

2. As parents we have a major
responsibility to raise our children
with feelings of self-worth, self-
respect and self-dignity.

ivs only when we feel good
about ourselves as individuals that

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we will bury a need to gain power
at the expense of those who are
smaller and weaker than
Ourselves.

Foam grateful for both myself
and my children that we are living
in a time when these things can be
spoken about, and that profes-
sional help is readily available.

1 only hope that this will not be
a “shock and run” type of thing
by the media, but that society will
finally say enough is enough and
take a good hard look at how we
present violence as an ‘‘enter-
tainment”’ in our living rooms
every night.

Do we use physical methods as
a regular means of punishment for
our children.

We encourage particularly our
male children to express their feel-
ings of hurt, fear and tenderness
rather than a wall of ‘‘macho-
ness’’ that may one day explode in
an act of rape and/or murder?

In conclusion, blaming ‘‘socie-
ty’’ is a smoke screen. We all, each
and every one of us, had better
take the time to evaluate how we
treat each other, and must impor-
tantly how we treat our children,
if we are ever to solve this prob-
lem.

Sue Cook
North Vancouver

“Thanks
Mondas

Sunday, Octeber 11, 1992 - North Shorea News -

Ea: Cae NES ce 7

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