4 - Wednesday. November 7. 1990 ~ North Shore News The razor’s edge in London’s East End THERE'S A new little book out called That Reminds Me...Canada’s Authors Relive Their Most Em- barassing Moments, published by Stoddart. I'm a bit biased about the book because I’ve got a piece in it. But my piece isn’t the funniest. The funniest, to my mind, was written by a good friend of mine, Garry Marchant, who is probably the most-travelled Canadian ever. Garry’s been to more countries than there are, because some of them changed their names between his visits. He invented the term “peace corresponding*’ to describe what he does. The story he tells took place in London during one of his many visits to that fabulous city. As he had done so often before, he went down to the Crown and Sceptre pub on Great Titchfield Street, where a bunch of CBC types he knew feng out. On this particular occasion, as he settled in with a group of pro- ducers, reporters and technicians, he noticed a bouncy brown-skinn- ed female with a Cockney accent, a production assistant of some kind, named Eliza. Thinking she was a bit of all right, Garry knocked back a few pints, and started to chat her up. As the evening wore on, the crowd thinned, and Eliza sug- gested they go for another brew or two at her own local in the East End, near Whitechapel. This seemed like a good idea to Garry, so they hopped into one of those black humpbacked London cabs, and headed off for the East End. Garry couldn't help noticing that the taxi driver was less than thrilled to be going to the par- ticular location that Eliza had given him. The lady herself freely admitted that most of her friends were East End gangster types. “They'll cut you, they will,” she joked. At least he thought she was joking. My friend Garry has always had an inexplicable fondness for low- life bars and pubs. So the idea of hanging out with a bunch of small-time Cockney hoods didn’t bother him in the least. In fact, he was rather looking forward to it. They quickly left the safe Man jailed for theft A 21-YEAR-OLD North Van- couver man was sentenced recently to 40 days in jail after appearing in North Vancouver provincial court on several theft-related charges. Michael! Antone pleaded guilty Oct. 4 to the theft of a set of golf clubs and a mountain bike on June 26 and to one count of mischief after Antone broke the rear window of a Toyota 4- Runner, also on June 26. Antone also pleaded guilty to stealing a jackei between March 27 and March 30. ‘dependable private care § in home or hospital 24 Hours a Day 987-0861 ECOLOGIC tourist area of London behind, drove out past Ludgate and Wap- ping and past the evim Western Docks. The taxi driver let them off in front of a shabby pub and drove away without looking for any fares. Inside the pub, Eliza introduced Garry to several of her friends, a tough-looking lot with scars and faded blue tattoos. “This ’ere’s a Can-aye-jun bloke,"’ she explained. The dirty linoleum floor was burnt by ciga- rette butts and covered with mat- ches. Shifty-looking young whites and brooding blacks played darts and whispered to each other over their drinks. Eliza proceeded to teach Garry a bit of East End gangster slang. “Sod that for a gang of soldiers,"’ he learned, meant something like to hell with it. ‘There goes the filth’’ meant plainclothes policemen. Things went just fine until the publican yelled ‘‘Time, gentlemen.’’ Eliza by then was quite tipsy, so Garry did the pro- per thing and walked her home to a dingy housing development. She led him through a maze of walkways and hallways to 2 small apartment. She pushed open the door and invited Garry in. I’ let Garry take the story BOB FEARNLEY from there... ‘realized now that she was quite drunk, and had just sat her down on the couch when a key rattled at the door. As it swung open, she sfurred, *' t's me “oos- band,"* and passed out, face down in my lap. ‘Husband? She never mention- ed a husband. **Through the door stepped a hulking figure in battered combat jacket and heavy boots. The sinister silhouette fifled the door- way as I struggled to rise. The rag-doll body had me pinned to the corner of the sagging couch, her head bobbing in my lap. “What could I say? ‘Pleased to meet you,” ‘This isn’t what it seems,’ or ‘Sod that for a gang of soldiers’ seemed inadequate. My Prairie upbringing hadn't Prepared me for this. “The hulk stood motionless while I flailed around, trapped. With the only light coming from a low-watt, overhead bulb, it was as though we were performing a lewd act on a stage in a cheap Soho porn club. The East End had seemed so friendly before. “Without a word the shape disappeared into the apartment. | finally shoved the unconscious woman away and bolted to the door, pausing briefly — very briefly — wondering if J should try to explain our innocence. Then I piunged into the shadowy war- ren of the housing develop- ment..." The next day, when he men- tioned the incident to some Lon- don friends, their comments were* “Whitechapel? No one goes there after dark, mate. That was Jack the Ripper’s home turf. They play for real there. That chap was go- ing for a razor.”’ I'm sure that my friend Garry hasn’t changed his habits over the years, nor has he lost his fascina- tion with low-life dives, But there’s one particular seedy pub in London's East End where he hasn't ventured back. EE AT ELECT BOB FEARN ALDERMAN Some Aldermen in the City of North Vancouver think they’ve got your vote in their pocket. Bob Fearnley thinks that they’re in for a surprise. The Committee to Elect Bob Fearnley #2-208 West 5th Street, North Vancouver, B.C. 988-9501 FOR ALDERMAN DISTRICT OF NVANCOUVER YOUTH & SENIOR PROGRAMS Campaign Hotline 929-4489 YOU HAVE A STRONG VOICE IN PATRICK BRUSKIEWICH ON NOVEMBER 17th ELECT PATRICK BRUSKIEWICH * EXPERIENCE : * COMMUNITY SERVICE Be Reems x PROFESSIONALISM NORTH VAN DISTRICT ALDERMAN v better government better environmental protection better community prograrns ~ better quality of life An independant man who listens and who cares.. A strong voice on your behalf. ELECT BRUSKIEWICH PATRICK ALDERMAN The Committee to elect Patrick Bruskiewich ROD HELYAR Chairman CONVERTIBLE 900 AVAILABLE BEFORE CHRISTMAS PARK SHORE BMW 1500 FELL AVE., NORTH VANCOUVER 985-9344