Three is the leneliest number for chi I was speaking to a group of young parents - recentiy and one of -. them asked me, “How ~ many children is the ‘ideal number to have?” “At first, I thought they - were kidding, but as I looked around and noticed a few «heads nodding along, as if that ° was.a good question, I realized they ot an an “IT began ing I haven’t _ ta clae’ Bihe ¢ right num- r of children is. It’s a ques-. n of personal preference. of some, one is more than enough, and for others, twelve good stact. WhatI did. plain, from my own parent-.- ing experiences was that three: the wrong number. While I picked on three,, ; ply because that is the . ber of children have, 1 help much unless vou’re always playing basketball or socee}r. Looking specifically at three, let’s start with the obvi- ous. There were three stooges. Something about that number creates the kind of interperson- al dynamics that is hilarious on the screen but mayhem in the household. I think it’s the middle child syndrome. Striving to catch up to the eldest and stay ahead of the youngest, the middle child is an emotional wreck, alone in his/her paranoia that everyone is out to get him/her. If there were five children, there would be three middlings and hence less pressure on each one. Bu in a family of three, the pci of the competitive world on number two. The oldest (Moc) is constandy trying to contro}. The youngest (Curly) _ is ot che middle (Larry around and the middie ( ) keeps getting knocked about by . ~ both in the ensuing chaos. -+ Hand-me-downs don’t “work very well with three chil- dren either. The first child half wears out his clothing and the - ‘second completes the job. The “third either has to be dressed in rags or has tu get new _ dothes that will never be fully used. Four kids would seem to ; > work so much better in avoid- - ing this waste. Of course, if ‘ou have friends with three children, the good news is ‘ they. are a source of some pret- = ty nice stuff once the youngest has grown out of it: : iS One will § Bet me in 1 CI EO ES TO A trouble but Iet’s face it, three children ensure the domestica- tion of fathers. Mothers have two hands and could poten- tially handle two children bur the third needs another set of hands and dad better get in there and do his part. Similarly, there are an amazing number of cars that have only four seats in them these days, especially cars thar dads would like. “Let’s se., one dad, one mom and, wait a minute, Middle of the night From page 15 camping out in each other’s rooms when they were young so uniess the nightmare was particularly frightening, someone barfed, I only woke up as a result of my ex-hus- band’s snoring, which hap- pened with impressive vigour pretty much every night. my kids have grown, . my nightly sleeps have not. improved. Much of this has to do with the fact that am an animal lover, and so our family includes two cats and . two dogs. Animals are a lot like babies. They cry in the night - and need a cuddle sometimes .. too. And whenever there are digestive problems, they like to come into my bedroom. ~ Nothing gets me out of bed faster that a cat gagging ora dog with diarrhea. rot opened his doors to role-playing ~” thusiasts and first-timers alike Just t fs, encourages all gamers to’; in and let their Imagination ¢ fun w id. * uesday & Wednesday 12pm - 6:40pm,Thursday & Friday 12pm Saturday 10:00am - 6: jem, Sunday 10:00am - there’s only nwo seats left in this sporty litle number.” Families of three children drive vans, practical but not exactly James Bond-like. How about owvo-for-one deals at restaurants or anwuse- ment events? Ever try to nego- date a three for nwo deal? Aren’t most restaurant tables and rides set up for two or four? Isn’t there always some- one trying to fit into the even numbered world we seem to Actually, despite the ani- mals, ] was starting to slecp a little better just before the kids became teenagers, but since that terrifying phase of their lives ensued, the quality of my nightly sleeps has taken a significant turn for the worse. Hlere’s what a typical _right’s sleep consists of for “me: - Ym an carly riser, so I hit _the sack at around 9:30 p.m. and.am asleep almost immedi- ately. The phone ringing wakes me up abouz a half hour later ~~ I have a phone . beside my bed in case of emergencies, but these phone .. calls are kids’ friends who like - :, to chaz late at night. There are -/ usually nwo or three calls, ‘which I have to answer if my: “kids are out because it might be'o one of o1 our local police offi: have created for our families? Really, look around and vou"! notice how many things have been designed for even num- bers of people. Having an odd number of children is a firtle like being left-handed. The world looks normal until you actually try to operate in it and then it’s amazing how many litle things crop up that make life awkward. Personally, I wanted 12 children, but when the third ildren came along in three years, my wife introduced me to a scis- sor-happy urologist and the rest is history. [ love my three children like crazy and can’t imagine ever consciously deciding not to have one of them but if I had my time back, I'd have visited the doc- tor and had my tonsils out first. ; Greham Hookey is. the author of Parenting Is A Team Sport. wakeup calls vary - cers wanting to come over for a cup of tea and a chat about one of my kids behaviour at a party arty that night. Or ie could someone needing a ride, or wanting to sleep over, or just checking in. Provided everyone is . accounted for, I’m usually asleep again by 11:30 p.m. That there are two dogs : grunting and snorting along - side my bed is small potatoes compared to the show onc.of. - my cat’s puts on at around 3 ~ a.m. every night. The “gladi . tor”.as we call him likes to. bring the rodents he’ captures - for the purposes of torment- ing and devouring in through __ my bedroom window. Hi . howls vo show off, then, es around the room pla in; with his victim until cither save it or he gets bored an eats it, crunc! _ Next 8-week kids (7-12) Session beg! * Toen (13-17) classes starting g e appeared tnt ‘Reguisr, Fi Beggars & Choosers,’ Adams Fainily, Te a Outer Limis, Pottergetst and ctheys cen loudly. That takes about 15 minutes, Then I’m off to sleep |. again. Until about 4 a.m. that ' is, Some nights I get another phone call right around then. * “Hello,” I say, fumbling with the receiver. But there, silence on the other end ‘the line, and then a hasty. “elick. T hang u . © vous fora fe ‘fisherman presses aut on his bedroom phone “Sometimes my mother called me the night before mi that | shone, so'l’m the lot y. ‘ ‘fault for “calling you last * and |