46 - Wednesday, March 6, 1991 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES
She wants sexless honeymoon

Q. 1 AM dreading my honeymoon because 1 know my

fiance will be expecting a lot of sex to happen during it.

5 don’t see how I can enjoy the
honeymoon because | don't enjoy
Sex.

He thinks it isn't as good for
me as it could be — and, he
promises. will be. But he doesn't
know that I don’t get any pleasure
at all out of sex.

Please don’t tell me to try dif-
ferent positions because none of
them work. 1} am 19; he is 26.
Could our ages have something to
do with this problem? :

Also, would it be too awful of
me to ask him to forgo sex on the
honeymoon so I van have a good
time (90?

I you think this is OK, please
tell me how to say it without bur-
ting his feelings. I don’t mind
having sex again when we get
back home. I just want to enjoy
my heneymoon.

A. I am worried for both of
you. Why do you want to marry
this man if you don’t get any
pleasure at all from having sex
with him?

I can't imagine how you could
tell your fiance you want a sexless
honeymoon without hurting his
feelings! Even in these days, when
many couples have already had
sex, the honeymoon is a special
time devoted at least partly to
pleasuring each other.

I suggest you talk to a therapist
before you marry.

Q. When did this word ‘‘per-
formance"’ first come into use,
pertaining to a man’s sexual abili-
ty?

Iam a man who came of age in
the °50s when we just ‘‘did it’
and enjoyed it. The gals didn’t
make post-mortem comments on
how well we had performed.

Now, as 3 recent widower, [
find the women I have been in-
timate with are passing judgment

Dr. Ruth |
Westheimer

ASK DR. RUTH

on my performance. This galls
me.

I may not be a sexual athlete,
but I am sure J am adeauate for
these women. When fF &-t negative
feedback, I never see :hat woman
again.

I figure, let some other man
perform for her. In your opinion,
why have women gotten to be this
way?

A. In my opinion, it’s a pity
you aren’t making use of this
constructive criticism to become a
better lover.

When you were coming of age
in the ’50s, women did not speak
up about their sexual necds. Now
they do.

Many men like it better this
way. They want women to take
some of the responsibility for sex.

Maybe you just need a little
time to get used to the new sexual
order. If a woman is truly hurtful

in her comments, say goodbye.
But if she is really only telling vou
what she needs to enjoy sex, listen
to her!

She’s trying to help you
pleasure her. You would be sur-
prised at how many men write
teHing me they want that kind of
help from their partners.

Q. f am typecast as sexually
promiscuous because of the work
1 do. During the day 1 teach
aerobics. Two nights a week I do
exotic dancing, which includes
stripping down to a G-string, ala
club. °

I make more on those two
nights than I do all week, and I
need the money. But men think of
me only as a sex object because of
what J do. How can I handle
that?

I am not promiscuous. In fact,
I haven't had a sexuai relationship
in the past year. Every man I date
expects me to do it right away. !
get so mad I don't want to see
him again.

Shovid I lie about my work?
My best friend says | shouldn't.
She says telling the truth separates
the good ones from the oad ones.
Then why are they all bad?

A. No, you shouldn’t lie about
your work! But you don’t neces-
sarily have to tell them the whole
truth on the first date either.
Can’! you just say you’re an
aerobics instructor and let it go at
that until you know a man better?

It is unfortunate — and unfair!
— that men assume you will be
sexually promiscuous simply
because you dance at this club.
But since so many of them are
making this assumption, perhaps
you should hold back pact of the
truth for the second or third or
later date.

When they know you better,
they won't judge you on your
work alone.

VGH needs volunteers for study

VANCOUVER GENERAL Hos-
pital needs volunteers to par-
ticipate in a study on the effects
of exercise and health promotion
education in women who. are
seniors.

Working in collaboration with
UBC, VGH needs a total of 75

OUR NORTH
VANCOUVER

ALUES
THE NORTH
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women between the ages of 65
and 75 years old for the project.

Each participant will be piaced
in either a gym or a pool exercise
class or education program. To
qualify, the volunteers must be in
good health and not be exercising
on a regular basis.

Called Seniors Inter Action, the
project will run three times a week
for 12 weeks. There are no pro-
gram fees,

All interested participants
should calf the VGH stat centre at
875-4461.

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