op Laat oy Ee 0G,

DO YOU have lower
back pain? Do you owe
coney to the bank?

an’t you pay your
bills?

Your worries are over.
Batman, otherwise known as
Glen Clark, will sort things
oui for you.

_ Your ever lovin’ premier
is flying around the province
dropping off bundles of
money as if they were so
much confetti. A few million
there. And there. And there.

Do the shipyards in North
Van need some work? No
problem. Would $45 million
be OK? We thought so. And
don’t I look just great in that
hard-hat I was wearing?

What's that? The universi-

_ ties need more dough? Done!
And we are going to put a
cap on tuition fees. Money?

It’s like I said before.
There's a truckful of it over
in the legislature and we’re
going to shovel some more

_Of the stuff out from the
back. Just like we did on the
Vancouver island highway
job.

What's that? You're pay-
ing too much for car insur-

ance? How about a cut in the

_. present rates and a two-year
freeze on future ones. We

* might even get a five-year

| freeze. The election hasn’t

' been called yet, remember.

How to freeze? I have an

- icebox and Batman is your
man, Why do you think we
invented ICEC in the first
place, if not to be able to
juggle things around a bit?

.. Sure, the ICBC rates have
been climbing faster than a
firework the last four years.
But that was then, This is
now. |

Trust me! And don’t for-
gct I’m also freezing hydro

SS BUE{ONYRNEINETp

Diem AMAL ne.

Sk

Grorewide S
Beautiful : i”

Dow

Collins

on the.

BS other hand

rates! The ice man cometh!

Oh, here are the doctors.
Yes, we've had our differ-
ences in the past. Some doc-
tors even had a picture in
their offices of me and
Mikey wearing a kind of
Nazi uniform.

All is well now, though.
Whatever the doctors want is
OK with me. Whatever ary-
one wants is OK with me.
Especially the ethnic groups
and such like.

I moved my press confer-
ences from Victoria to
Vancouver so as to make
sure the Chinese press catch-
es every word. Can’t have

pec gaas

them missing anything.

And didn't I attend that
big Chinese get-together in
Vancouver? You must have
caught me on TV, beaming
away like the Manchurian
Candidate. The first thing I
said on becoming Fuehrer
was Gung Hei Fat Choi,

I didn’t have time to wish
all the other ethnics Happy
New Year in their languages.
Sorry about that. But they
won't hold it against me.
They all know it’s a matter of
one for all and all for one,
just like The Three
Musketeers, ha ha. That's
why we have an employment
discrimination program that's
second to none.

Why else do you think we
passed Bill 33? Just ask
David Schreck, my good
friend from North Vancouver
Lonsdale. He’s knows al!
about it.

If he’s ton busy out
spreading manure, you could
always have a word with Bill
Bell, who represents me on

sea,

the North Van City Council.
Good fad, that. Never devi-
ates from the party line.

Oh, I nearly forgot.
Taxes! Yes, we have the
highest income tax rate in the
country. So what? What's
wrong with you? Didn't say
years ago we were going to
stick it to the corporations?
Sorry if ycu got caught in
that net by mistake.
Nobody’s perfsct.

Take heart. Me and my
People’s Party are looking
for a way to cut taxes. I put
the taxes up and | can put
them down, ha ha. I am the
human yo-yo.

What's that again? King
Canute couldn’t stop the tide
coming in? Don’t be silly. I
am the tide.

Iam also Batman, Goody
Gumdrops and Canute all
rolled into one. The new
Holy Trinity.

Is there anything else we
can do for you? Do you have
lower back pain, money trou-

#508, Kapilano 100 Suifding
100 Park Royal, West Van.

DEREK A. CAVE

Trial Lawyer

Get the settlement
you deserve,

925-7880

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