30.— Wednesday, May 31, 1989 - North Skore News LIFESTYLES ae | a oy a oe a Don't discuss problems in bed Q. SEVERAL TIMES you have mentioned that people time-and-place boundaries. For in- should not discuss their sex problems in bed. Why not? ‘&. FT have often said that sex partners were not to discuss sexual prodlems in bed. Sometimes I have said not even in the bedroom. It is a good rule not to start such a conversation or continue it in the place where the couple usually makes love. It is especially not good to bring Dr. Ruth Dr. Ruth Westheimer up a sexual problem with your partner just before, during or just after sex. It is better to talk about such things at another time, when the mutual mood is relaxed and almost anything can be brought up conversationally. To bring up a sexual problem during sex or just before or after sex creates needless emotional problems. The man who is asked 100 mL ~ PARK ROYAL _ NORTH 922-6191 for some change in his sexual style while beginning or during or while finishing a sexual encounter is probably going to get a bad shock. He thought he was doing so well, or he was full of hope and anxiety about his sexual perfor- mance, and suddenly, while emo- tionally charged, he is told he is unsatisfactory as a lover. Or that is the way he takes it. When he was most vulnerable, he was put down. And not just men. The woman who is given some suggestion or receives some new request during sex is all too apt to think she has failed as a woman. I am not talking nonsense. In sex therapy this kind of misunder- standing comes up often. And I am not talking about cold, logical people discussing some practical matter; but anxious, sensitive, emotionally charged people at a time when they are not likely to receive comments rationally. Better to talk about sexual problems or needs at another, calmer time. And in another place. The bedroom is -the place associated with the sex that a cou- ple share. It is their secret retreat, their island, their temple of love. OK? So it shouldn’t become associated with hurtful charges and challenges and put-downs and wrangling, but with mutual -love and pleasure and desire to please. So have it out, calmly and affec- tionately, in the kitchen over cof- fee or in the car or wherever there is a neutral feeling. If your home or quarters has no separate bedroom, or if the bed serves also as a couch in the daytime, you have to set up other 3" With coupon - expires June e stance, working-:isings-out talks about cash and housework and sex can be talked about when the bed is made, the room tidied and aired, when it is transformed into another kind of place, Q. My live-in and I have a good sex life inasmuch as we both enjoy what we are doing. But I can’t find her hotspot or clitoris. Maybe I am trying the wrong location or else the little rascal doesn’t exist. Or should I ask her to show me where it is? A. Yes. Oo a Jumbo Queen Charlotte Island Prawns, quick frozen at sea. 2 kilo f boxes only $5.50 per lb. - $1210 per kilo. Smaller sizes also availablé) EXTRAWA- for lene! GANZA OSPREY INTERNATIONAL SEAFOO>S #3—143 Riverside Drive 929-3451 F-A-S-T COLLISION REPAIRS — CALL THE PROFESSIONALS AT JAYLORMGTIVE . 1959 LTD. ‘FREE RENTAL COURTESY CARS B.C.A.A. APPROVED — A.R.A. CERTIFIED 1.C.8.C. VENDOR FOR ALL MAKES QUALITY WORKMANSHIP TRVCSRIRGTIE ave TRUSTWORTHY SERVICE 174 PEMBERTON AVE. consuitarion NORTH VAN OR APPOINTMENTS 985-7455 Capilauo College Community — _§ Musie School Planning for your child's Fall musical activities? Watch for the Community Music School's new calendar in the mail. It contains information on these popular programs: Kodaly-Orff (including Dalcroze Eurhythmics) Pace Group Piano Private Music Instruction for Adults & Children Adult Group Classes Registration in these programs begins June 5. For information and registration, phone 984-4901. rr. == JUICE ea With ecupon - =. June 6 . NORTH | i } 922-6191