4 ~ Friday, August 21, 1992 - North Shore News

Zealots peddling two-wheeled tyranny

1 SEE that the tireless two-wheel zealots are still trying to
pump up interest in their amezing 19th-century solution to

2ist-century traffic problems.

That's no surprise. And no
crime. Zealots were put on Earth
to do many useful things that
otherwise would be left undone. .

Then again, many of them are
simple dingbats. We’re talking a
fairly thin line in some cases.

Keeping trim is one thing, for
instance. But then there’s the fa-
natical body-worship —akind of
paganistic, inverted hedonism that

. has overtones of a Nazi-like Joy
Through Pain — that litks the
multi-billion-dollar diet industry

’ with the politicized tofu-and-
wheat-germ types who live off

* greens and government grants. ;

At the far end of this fanaticism
are anorexia and bulimia.

._ (Which, until quite recently, |

" used to think were two small war-
ring states in the Balkans.) -

_ This is slimness starved of all
rationality, I'd prefer a plump _
monk anytime. .

But I digress. Not, though,

’ without adding weight thah!) to

. Tay point. Which is: why would

-, anyone take very seriously the

“nostrums of the two-wheel zeaiots
— the bicycle cranks?

You'll have noticed the chain of

puns in miy. argument. But these

. are mere witty diversions. Let me

7 begin with some background.
~ Town five bicycles — all mine.
True, I can be described as an in-
active cyclist.

In my teens I delivered
telegrams by bike and rode a
tough, 3.8-mile course daily up
_and down Hamilton's illustrious

-.. Mountain to school — racking up

17,000 miles in 34% years.

Trevor
Lautens

GARDEN OF BIASES

Feel these thigh muscles.
They’re still firm.

In Vancouver, when [ moved to
the lower-left-hand corner of the
city at age 38, I aimed at cycling
to work at least a few dozen times
a year ~— six miles each way, and
not flat, brother — and did so
until past my mid-40s,

I suspended — not stopped,
plan to gear up again — my cycl-
ing only with the advent of two

. Bively dogs.

If P'd devoted the required time
to exercising them and stili cycled
to work — where I had the rare
advantage of a closed office in
which ! could change clothes

’ without exciting my female col-

leagues — I'd have had muscles
like Arnold What'shinsnamer, but

Locals appointed to
Iranian association

' SEVERAL: “NORTH Shove _resi-
: denis have been appointed to the
boar of directors of the Iranian
Community Association of B.C.
(ERCABC). a
. North - Vancouver resident
Kaywan. Dashti, the association’s
:, director of public relations, said
. the association was formed to
‘promote the culture of the tranian
society in B.C:.

“At the’ present time the IR- |

~CABC has enrolled. hundreds of
‘Professional members within our

society, and obvioulsy is seeking.

new ‘members to fulfil the needs

of 'the:society- and its objectives,”

. .. said Dashti.
. + He.added that the association is
- interested ia hearing about any

issues that relate to the franian
community in B.C.

“For us, in order to provide
better services in areas like social
events, sports, - translations, we
need your advice and assistance,”
added Dashti.

Other North Shore residents of
the association include directors
Mansour Khorsandi, Mehdi
Moniri and Aliyeh Ghashghaci.

North Shore officers of the
association include Pooran Palizi
and Ali Bromiand.

For more information, call
688-1167 or write the Iranian
Community. Association of B.C.
at P.O, Box 713, 1755 Robson
St., Vancouver, V6G 3B7.

. 13820 - 104th Avenue, Surrey, BA Cc.

no job.

Now, 30 pounds heavier and
unpleasantly close to Allan
Fotheringham’s age — will Al
reveal that he turned 60 this
month? — I have both the experi-
ence and the ripe wisdom for a
detached opinion on the nut of
the issue: Is the bicycle a serious
commuter vehicle for the next
century?

Before giving the definitive an-
swer to that, allow me to point
out that‘no less solernn an
authority than the Greater Van-
couver Regional District takes this
question very seriously.

The GVRD a few months ago
launched a big PR campaign
against the car and in favor of
mass transit, cycling, and any
other alternative means of com.
muting.

A number of GVRD bureau-
crats and mayors — including

. Vancouver Mayor Gordon Camp-

bell, chosen in this month’s

’ Chatelaine as one of Canada’a 10

sexiest males, and not too amused
by it — showed up before the
Vancouver Sun's editorial board,

" of which I have the honor io be a

member.

They were grave, they were
earnest, they were even persuasive,
in a way. They brandished charts,
reports, statistics, horrible projec-
tions of pollution and traffic pa-
ralysis.

And they also bore a survey
purporting to show how en-
thusiastic Vancouverites were for
bicycle commuting.

Dear reader, I tike fresh air.
Dear Gordon Campbell, I like
you. Dear bicycle, I have hada
fong and loving affair with you
for nearly 50 years.

But I ups and put it squarely to
the GVRD group — no more
rudely, I hope, than I usually ex-
press myself — that they should
have taken their survey on an icy
day in January with ssiow on the
ground and implied that the
respondents should be made to
put their behinds where their
mouths were — on the seat of 2
bicycle in weather tike that.

Because I’ teil you. I’ve
pedalled in such conditions, and
it’s scary.

Furthermore:

Throw in hills. Rain. Wind.

“Office” suits. ‘‘Formal’’ dresses.

Now add infants. The old. The
lame. The incapacitated by any
name. Heavy groceries. Bulky
parcels. The birthday cake, the
femon meringue pie, or any other
delicate confection (baianced on a

crossbar, strapped to a bouncing

carrier?)

Don’t forget the late night at
work, the shift worker, returning
from a night at the theatre with a
dismal, jumpy iight and inade-
quate brake technology —
especialy inthe rain. -

In shert, two-wheel zealots, if
you think the bicycle can replace .
or even seriously complement the
automobile as an urban or subur-
ban conveyance for arthritic
Grandma or cancer-patient
Granddad or even fairly-
average-shape Mom and Dad and
three or four kids or, let’s be
plain, 95% of the human race
under less than optimum condi-
tions -— if you think that, dear. -
zealots, you need your spokes
tightened.

Millions of the ill, the aged and
the incapacitated thank God for
their cars. It gives them a freedom

that no mass transit, let alone a
bicycle, can provide.

l loved the bicycle :
wholeheartedly — until it became
a political and ideological vehi-
cle.

And for a classic example of
that, look at the screwball stuff
written by one Gina Mallet in the
Aug. 8 Globe and Mail. . :

in her forward-to-the-past vi-
sion of Toronto in July 2010 —~. -
not a Januazy, you'll notice — as

she imagines traffic lanes ‘‘fullof | -

bikes and pedicabs”’ and the_
favored bike “‘bright orange with

City of Toronto stamped ail over

it.” Socialist cycling with 2 —
vengeance. Mao Tse-tung lives!

Read on, and you tind raptures
- about the ‘‘startiing revolution” ©
in Cuba, where “18 bike ac-
tivists’? went to marvel at the ©
bicycle takeover from the
automobile — under, of coucse,
Fidel Castro’s isolated dictator-
ship, which, equally of course,
isn’t mentiencd. - :

Even less that the Cubans, ‘who -
prize their patched-up cars, had:
no choice. They had this as well: .
as other aspects of Fidel’s revolu-
tion forced upon them. -

Which is the only wey ‘the Red
Cyclists could pedal their paradise ©

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